In opposite world, news that Andrew Bailey hurt himself comes as a complete shock. Here’s what I said in the top 20 closers for 2011 fantasy baseball, “Is it me or is this the news once a month for him, “Andrew Bailey has been cleared to start throwing.” Hey, Bailey, throw already!” And that’s me quoting me! Unfortunately, when Bailey is cleared to start throwing he leaves games with tightness in his forearm. Wouldn’t be surprised to hear Bailey will miss the season for more surgery as he’s off to see Dr. Freeze. Justin Duchscherer, Rich Harden and Andrew Bailey board your cross country flight, do you get off and wait for the next one knowing that something bad is bound to happen? I do. I take no pleasure in watching Bailey go down; less pleasure in watching Balfour or Fuentes take over. In leagues where we had the option, we grabbed Fuentes because he has a lengthier closer resume, assuming the Sciosciapath isn’t listed as a reference. Fuentes could get 35 saves this year. Would surprise me as much as Bailey’s injury. Anyway, here’s some other news for fantasy baseball:
Neftali Feliz – Now he wants to be the starter. And I wanna be the King of Hawaii and wear a coconut bra. Things don’t always work out the way you want them. It’s worth grabbing Ogando or O’Day. Rudy thinks Ogando has better upside; I say O’Day is otay. You can go with this or you can go with that. The choice is yours.
Drew Storen – The Nats keep saying they want to go to a closer by committee. Which is nudge, nudge, wink, wink for, “Storen, pull away with the job!” Unfortunately, Storen’s nudge, nudge, wink, wink translator was locked up for being within 250 feet of a high school. If you have room, Clippard is a decent handcuff.
Casey Blake – What, no more closing news? That’s some bullshizz! Blake has a sore back. He’s old; these things happen. He probably also wakes up 7 times a night to pee. You shouldn’t be drafting Blake anyway, unless your league has a rule that you must own one player with a wife killer surname.
Mike Morse – I write a post about how you should ignore spring training numbers on Friday then people get excited about Morse hitting five homers in nine games on Monday. Chris Shelton called, he wants his home runs back. If there’s any sort of blahtoon in the Nats outfield, Morse is sitting vs. righties. That kills his value. If Morse gets 550 ABs, he could hit 24 homers with no speed and a .280 average. But that ‘if’ has its own zoning project that is currently getting gentrified. In NL-Only leagues, I’d definitely own him. In mixed leagues under 15 teams, you’re taking a flyer that is probably going to bore you.
Jason Heyward – Missed two games with back stiffness. Weird, I get stiffness when I watch him play. What, too much? Oh, sorry, Prudey McPrudestein. I’m not worried about Heyward. It’s spring training, players have nagging shizz that teams want to baby because these games mean nothing. He’s good, you’re good, we’re good.
Ian Stewart – About to return from a strained MCL. (A strained 1150? Doode, get out of the Middle Ages!) Stewart will DH out of the gate and then hit against righties once the season starts. I’m really starting to think Stewart’s not going to be a full-time player, which hurts his and Wigginton’s value. Really need one to get ghost chili hot and make the other obsolete.
Zach Duke – Broken hand, which gives Diamondback fans two months to enjoy a non-Zach Duke rotation. This leaves Armando Galarraga, Uncle Barry Enright and Aaron Heilman set to go into the Octagon for the final rotation spots with Heilman probably getting eye gouged.
Johan Santana – Someone in the always-entertaining Mets organization said Johan won’t pitch this year. Johan said someone in the Mets organization is lying. I believe Johan, but that still doesn’t mean he’s pitching this year. If he has one setback and the Mets do their usual Mr. Bungle in the NL East, there’s no rush to bring him back.
Chris Dickerson – Left the game after running into the now-slimmed down Sandoval. This is like when George “The Animal” Steele used to chew off the turnbuckle. Don’t run into Sandoval without the padding!