Kila Ka’aihue went 3-for-3, 4 Runs, 4 RBIs and 2 homers. Also, he just missed a third homer that ended up a triple. Mauna Kila! He hasn’t hit for much average so far in the major leagues. Or is it ma’ajor leagues? His plate discipline is in impeccable and the peasant Royals would be wise to give him a starting job next spring, which could make him a sleeper for 2011 fantasy baseball. But you put the wise moves the Royals make in one hand and the stupid moves in the other hand and you’ll need the empty hand that was supposed to hold the wise moves to help hold up the stupid moves hand. Then have someone else move everything off the counter so there’s room to balance the weight of both hands that have become stupid move hands. Then get some Lysol because it smells like rancid onions. Oh, and Kila has another homer in the last week and is worth playing in the final week if you’ve lost some other players. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jarrod Dyson – Promise this is the last Royal I’ll talk about. Dyson is 1 for his last 23. So why is it I own him on multiple teams? Cause he also has 4 steals in that time. SAGNOF!
Eric Young Jr. – With a bad case of the shins, Young’s done for the year and left wincing the night away.
Melvin Mora – 2-for-4 with a bunch of multiple hit games in the last week. Yes, that’s all the optimism I can manage. He’s hitting, what do you want? (BTW, Nice job by the Colorado Chokies. You can’t beat the Dodgers? Really? That’s pretty pathetic.)
Casey Blake – 2-for-5, 2 homers. Yes, every borderline corner infidel is hot this week. Thanks for asking.
Kenley Jansen – Got his 2nd save this week, but Kuo’s still the closer. What I think is going on is Torre’s trying to burn out as many bullpen arms as he can in his final week for old times’ sake.
Adam Wainwright – La Russa, wearing a shirt made of veggie burgers, announced Wainwright’s done for the year.
Martin Prado – Also, done for the year. He said this will give him more time to catch up on the episodes of I Love Money that he missed. Hope he’s not too disappointed with the early elimination of 20 Pack.
Miguel Cabrera – Sounds like he’s done too. No official word, but if you’re reading Leyland’s smoke signals, that’s what’s being said.
Carlos Beltran – Left the game with knee discomfort. Wouldn’t surprise me if he were done for the year. Don’t worry, Mets fans, Minaya’s working on a trade of Beltran’s knee for Chipper Jones’ lower back.
Randy Wolf – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks. He’ll get the Reds in the last game of the season, which should be an absolute walk as I’m sure Dusty will sit everyone. Hmm… That was weird. I was thinking like Dusty Baker and I suddenly wanted to chew a toothpick and throw Harang for 175 pitches.
Edinson Volquez – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks. Solid start, but this isn’t about that. His next start (if there is one) will be the last game and, as previously mentioned, the Reds are going to be playing the game like an split squad spring training game. I wouldn’t start Volquez in most leagues.
David Price – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks. Wouldn’t be surprised if this is the last game of the season for Price. Sorry, Price owners, would mean no Sunday vs. the Royals and Sean O’Sullied. If he does start, Price may only go a few innings to stay fresh.
CC Sabathia – 8 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks as he further confused Joe Morgan and how he’s not a landslide Cy Young winner. Someone give Joe one of those water dunking birds to stare at.
Travis Snider – 2-for-4 with his third homer in the last week while he bats near .350. Almost making Cito look good for batting Snider leadoff… Well, no, Snider leading off still looks silly, but he is hitting.
Mat Latos – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks. I appreciate his efforts to bring his value down for next year’s drafts. The real shame is the Padres might’ve overworked Latos to the point where he could be a mess next year and they might not make the playoffs either.
Carlos Pena – 1-for-2 with his 28th homer. It almost goes without saying if he got a hit, it must’ve been a homer. He doesn’t do those other kinds of hits. Now Pena only needs 11 more homers to get to my preseason projection. Get cracking!
Ryan Braun – Scratched with a stomach flu. I’m not accusing anyone, but my H2H opponent poisoned Braun’s oatmeal so I couldn’t play him. Okay, I am accusing someone.
Nick Blackburn – 4 1/3 IP, 8 ER. As I said last week, “Blackburn has around a 3.5 K/9. To use the parlance of Johnnie Cochran, that’s egregious. That’s an inning for Carlos Marmol. Blackburn gets more bat contact than a wannabe-WAG. When Twins fans go to a Nick Blackburn start, they bring so few K signs that they look racist.” And that’s me quoting me! Since there’s no Ks, it’s than but no thans for Blacburn’s last start.
Kelly Johnson – 2-for-3 with his 7th homer in September, after hitting 9 homers in April. Someone likes the change of seasons.
Ryan Dempster – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks. Gets the Astros for his final game of the season, which isn’t a bad start to go out on.
Alfonso Soriano – Hit his 23rd and 24th homers last night. He might be having the worst 24 homer season in the history of baseball. 67 Runs? Blech. 78 RBIs? Belch. 5 steals? Whatever. .257 average? Al-So’s so-so.
Jimmy Rollins – Returned to the lineup and went 1-for-3. It’s the last week of the season, forget name value. There’s probably a dozen guys more valuable for this last week.
Jose Contreras – Gave up a run and lost the game to the Nats. It’s the curse of being on the cover of the AARP Magazine.
Adam Dunn – Hit his 38th homer yesterday. The Nats have four more games for Dunn to hit two more homers or the world will explode.
Justin Smoak – Last roundup, I said, “I’d give Smoak a go for his last two games in Texas.” Yesterday, he hit another homer. Right now, there’s a fire burning under Smoak.
Felix Hernandez – 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks to move to 13-12 on the year with a 2.27 ERA. Says he’ll pitch on Sunday so he has one more start for the M’s offense to abandon him and let him get back to .500. I will now bludgeon Jose Lopez with Chone Figgins’ arm.
Jose Lopez – Left the game with a dislocated middle finger. I’m sure anyone that drafted Lopez can locate a middle finger for him.