Sorry, but I’m going to open the vent for a millisecond. Let’s go back to Stupid May Grey. I was a point or two in front in one of my leagues, had a solid outfield of Adam Dunn, Carlos Quentin/Beltran and Rasmus. I was within striking distance in steals and the news just came out that Jose Reyes would miss a few days, but avoid the DL. I traded Dunn and Theriot for Reyes. THE NEWS LIED!!! I’ve filled in with Beckham for Theriot so no great loss there, but my outfield’s been shambles since — currently rocking Luke Scott, Fukudome, Teahan and the corpse of Carlos Quentin. This is all thanks to Jose Reyes. I know, this is the world’s smallest violin eating a burrito with a side of tears. BTW, Jose Reyes is probably out for the season. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Luis Castillo – Injured himself walking into the Mets cemetery dugout.
Nelson Cruz – Was injured on the final play of the game on Monday. Choose your own fantasy baseball report… One report says he’s day-to-two-days away from action. Another report says he’s a day-to-two-days away from a 15 day vacation.
Bobby Jenks – To the hospital to have kidney stones removed. Be cool if they removed a pet rock. Thornton, Linebrink or Dotel, in that order, will probably fill-in for him.
Ryan Zimmerman – Day-to-day with a sore shoulder. He should massage it with some coriander, cumin and a brine solution, Guy Fieri says that’ll cure any shoulder.
Geovany Soto – Due back today or tomorrow. Oh, dubya-E-hockey sticks, guess The Jakie Foxx Experiment™ behind the plate isn’t happening. A ‘pert can dream.
Vladimir Guerrero – If you saw him yesterday on crutches, that’s because he was activated from the DL. The three stages of Vlad: Wheelchair – DL, crutches – DH, pronounced limp – playing outfield.
Scott Baker – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 Ks. He’s been terrific in his last four starts. As terrific as this commercial? No, but close. (If you can watch that commercial less than 10 times, you have more willpower than me.
Yusmeiro Petit – 8 IP, 1 Hit, 4 Ks, if it wasn’t for Ronny Cedeno, he would’ve had a no-hitter. See, those trades are already playing off. Petit gets the Nationals next time out. Must… stop… myself… from… picking…. him… up.
Ryan Roberts – 4-for-5, 2 HRs yesterday and a movie star name from the 1950s. He has sneaky 10/10 potential, but probably not worth it outside of NL-Only leagues.
Krispie Young – HR yesterday, which was also his first hit in the last 7 games. I miss you, Krispie. Get well soon.
Garrett Jones – 0-for-4, Where’d you go, friend? Is this about me putting you in the Sell category two weeks ago? I’m sorry. Come back, friend.
Brian Matusz – 5 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks. Great debut, and he’ll be a great one as the Mariners root for him to do much better than Tillman. I’d still look to move Matusz. His (the Orioles’) schedule in September is terrible and he’s still a rookie who’s prone to big ups and downs.
Dan Uggla – 1-for-1 with 4 walks. Without looking it up, I’m going to say that’s a personal record. And the Nats only gave up 2 other walks in the game. Not really sure what any of that means, but I found it fascinating. Oh my God, I’m turning into Jayson Stark.
Jason Hammel – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER. A 2.67 Away ERA. Even away games that you think you shouldn’t start Hammel in, he pitches well. (Besides, of course, his Metco disaster last week.)
Jonathan Sanchez – 7 IP, 0 ER. They might not all be as gravy as this start, but I’d own him in all leagues at this point as it’s hard to argue with 107 Ks in 102 1/3IP.
Gordon Beckham – HR yesterday. Batting over .400 in his past 7 games. Entrenched in the 2 hole. Give me your password and I’ll pick him up for you.
Derek Holland – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER. Ah, the tale of the rookie pitcher is told again.
Rajai Davis – Since he has full-time duty, he’s hitting over .400. Yesterday, he stole 2 bases. SAGNOF!
Yovani Gallardo – 5 1/3 IP, 9 ER. Ouch… Wait, what? Ow.
Evan Longoria – 2 HRs yesterday. As David Wright impersonates Chone Figgins and Mark Reynolds impersonates a toasted sandwich bearing an image of Babe Ruth, Longoria will still be my top 3rd baseman next year barring unforeseen injuries, though I would like to see him steal a bit more.
B.J. Upton – 1-for-5, 4 Ks as he was dropped to 7th in the order. Just get to 12/45 and you’ve done your job.
Johnny Cueto – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER. I sat him yesterday. Yay! (<–sarcasm) I hate having pitchers I can’t start ever. I might be dropping Cueto in a 16 team league, and, trust me, when I drop someone in a 16 team league, there is no one to pick up. Dustin Nippert anyone?
Tom Gorzelanny – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER. That’s nice. I wouldn’t pick him up with your team.
Albert Pujols – 2 HRs, 5 RBIs. Maybe he’s feeling Mini-Donkey breathing down his neck.
Joel Pineiro – 5 IP, 7 ER. April came and went and you chalked Pineiro’s hot start up to a fluke. May came and went and you figured any day now Pineiro would breakdown. June came and you thought maybe April and May were real. July flew past and you had it, enough was enough, you had to pick him up. I mean, his next start was against the Mets, for deity sakes. It was the most elaborate Punk’d ever. And he got you.