Since breaking Pink’s heart, Corey Hart has been living the surreal life. He has 19 homers already with his career high being 24. He has 61 RBIs, his career high is 91. He has an Amish beard, his career high was scruff. The Brewers are talking of trading their 80’s pop icon. Say you, say me, are they crazy? No, actually, those talking heads are making sense. Yes, I’m talking to you owner of a Corey Hart. (Oh, Corey Hart and your endless punsabilities.) Hart’s HR/FB is way above his career high and the RBIs are a product of dumb luck. His speed hasn’t really shown up this year, though it could. But if it doesn’t, he’s giving all his fantasy value in power, something he can’t be counted on. Not to mention, Corey Hart has never been the model of consistency. In 2009, he was injured. In 2008, he had 15 homers and a .289 average pre-All-Star break. After the break, he hit .239 and 5 homers. It’s nice you think you have Hart for a career year, but you really have Hart for a career 1st half. Don’t trade him for a half ounce bag of oregano and three Phillie Blunts, but I’d see what you can get. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Corey Patterson – Looking for a guy that can give you an 0-for-35? Look no further! For a limited time only, Patterson might be a worthwhile fantasy add for steals. SAGNOF!
Andres Torres – Since I’m in a SAGNOF-y type mood, I figure I’d point out a guy that probably should’ve been owned for the last two months. As the habitually tardy like to say, better late than never.
Coco Crisp – It’s true, I’m cuckoo for SAGNOF this week. As Fonzie’s horse would say, what the ayyyyyy?
Dexter Fowler – Maybe we rename this post, Buys Ain’t Got No Face.
Travis Snider – The name sounds familiar but I can’t seem to place– Oh, Travis Snider! Right, the guy who pulled a Kotchman with a sprained wrist. Wrist injuries are never good for hitters, but Snider is starting to come around and could return soon after the All-Star break. Worth a DL flyer.
Sean Rodriguez – If you’re just getting around to adding Sean-Rod right now, where ya been? Working in a missionary in Africa? Well, ain’t you the saint! Ooh, St. What’s Your Name wants to add Sean-Rod now. How nice!
Jayson Nix – I think his recent power exploits had more to do with Arlington, but if you’re dire for some lightning in your MI bottle, I’d take a flyer.
Jonathan Niese – Three straight solid starts and his K-rate looks mighty pretty, unlike his face which resembles Rocky Dennis.
Bronson Arroyo – With Arroyo, you don’t need to mullet over (hehe). If you need a guy who can help you in ratios, here you are.
Madison Bumgarner – I just know that once I recommend him he’s going to explode in your face. I’m sorry, but his starts so far have made it impossible for me to dissuade any longer. At least his favorable park should make the inevitable roofie go down a little easier.
Daniel Hudson – In 17 games this year in Triple-A, he gave up 13 homers. Sure, the park was pro-hitters, but it’s not like the White Sox play in Petco or Metco or Safeco or any sorta -co. If you take the brand new Hudson out for a spin, its most promising feature is his K-rate. He had 108 Ks in 93 1/3 IP in the Triple-A this year. I’d buy that for a dollar! (But probably not for $2 or in shallow mixed leagues.)
Vicente Padilla – At home, his ERA is 3.05 ERA and he has more Ks than innings pitched. And if you write a postcard to Vicente telling him you own him in fantasy, he’ll write you back, “Thank you, and may your future be as bright as the sun.”
Jordan Zimmermann – Had a very nice K-rate in his rookie season and is worth the stash if you have the DL room. He could return by August. The Nationals fans can now prepare their “You can’t spell Nationals without two N’s” signs as J.Z. works his concert tour around the minor leagues.
John Lackey – Owned in 97% of ESPN leagues. He has a 5 K/9, a 4.40 ERA and a 4.85 xFIP. This isn’t a Sell as much as a “I can’t believe you own him.” I dropped him in a 15 team league and didn’t look back. Shame on you, you’re selling your soul for Wins.
Ichiro Suzuki – It’s no secret my feelings for Ichiro. If you’re new to Razzball — Hey! — So I’ll Cliff Note this for you, I don’t like Ichiro. I think his regular baseball ability clouds people of his fantasy value, though after a few years talking only about fantasy, I’m not sure I can even judge regular baseball anymore. What’s fielding? He has a good arm? I do not understand your strange language. Ichiro doesn’t steal as much in the 2nd half of the year and that’s his only major plus right now besides average. As the M’s dismantle the March 2010 Mariners Dynasty, his Runs may become hard to come by too. Don’t move Ichiro for a complimentary audience ticket to a taping of Supermarket Sweep, but I’d look at offers.
Mat Latos – Latos will be limited and he’s pitching over his head. Probably about two weeks late on this sell. I apologize for that. I’m only human… Okay, I’m a cyborg, but my programmer’s really good and says I’m so human-like it’s uncanny. Thank you, programmer. May I have more oil?