Ken Griffey Jr. missed a pinch hitting opportunity last week because he was asleep in the clubhouse. In related news, Grady Sizemore has been sleepwalking through his at-bats. Maybe Griffey was pooped from his Dick’s Sporting Goods commercial. If the end is indeed nigh for Griffey, and if nigh is the right archaic word, this could mean an extended leash for Michael Saunders. He’s a low teen power/speed guy without much average, so the M’s would be going from yawning to yawnstipating. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brad Lidge – Stiffness in his elbow. In Italian guy straight from Ellis Island terms, that’s notta so good. The Phils held Contreras to pitch the ninth for the save. Save vultures, commence vulturing.
Jair Jurrjens – Felt a pop in his hamstring. Why don’t they call it soda?! Oh, wait… With no medical training, I can tell you the three things you want to avoid. Take out a note pad. These are kinda important. 1) Feeling a pop anywhere in your body 2) Pains in the chest 3) Being dead. Medlen’s time in the rotation just got a bit longer.
Ryan Braun – He was removed after getting plunked on the elbow. And someone has to pay Eric Plunk a nickel. Not it! Braun’s day-to-day, which is better than week-to-week and much better than minute-to-minute. Fine line, friends. Fine line.
Manny Corpas – 1 IP, 4 ER. I’ve set some kind for record of picking up new closers only to watch them club me over the head with my trust. It’s taken me longer to put together furniture from Ikea than for Corpas to suck.
Huston Street – Will begin rehab on Thursday. Aw, maybe only two more weeks of Manny Corpas. So sad. /sarcasm
Eric Young Jr. – Jim Tracy knows Clint Barmes. He knows Melvin Mora. Why doesn’t he know Eric Young Jr.? Just send him back to the minors if you’re not going to play him. I hate you, Jim Tracy.
Miguel Olivo – Only 4 hits in his last 34 at-bats. The not so good Olivo that’s played in the majors for the last 7 years is starting to rear its ugly head. Bring back Iannetta!
Troy Tulowitzki – MRI showed nothing major so Tulo should be back in the next couple of days. Tulo legit 2 quit.
Tommy Hanson – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, now has a 2.30 ERA on the year. When I avoided him in the preseason, I said I might regret not owning him. And that’s me paraphrasing my regret!
Chipper Jones – Glass Chipper has an aggravated right groin. That’ll teach him to pay so much attention to his left groin. Stop neglecting your right groin, it’s aggravated!
Jason Heyward – Yesterday, he tested his groin. Hey now! Heyward hopes to play Tuesday, which is today for 98% of our readers. Thanks, Google Analytics!
Carlos Gomez – To the DL with a left rotator cuff strain. Jody Gerut should see starts, but Jim Edmonds probably will. Why? Because the Brewers want people time traveling from the year 2000 to feel at home when they see Edmonds.
John Jaso – 3-for-5 as John Jaso Jingleheimer Schmidt bats .350 on the year.
Chad Billingsley – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners (4 BBs), 7 Ks. Now has three decent starts in his last four. Yes, it’s only three decent starts in his last 6, but I’m cherrypicking stats here, leave me alone.
Brandon Morrow – 1 2/3 IP, 6 ER. Damn those hodgepodjays and their sexy upside!
Aaron Hill – 0-for-4, batting .190 on the year with 2 homers. Yup.
Brennan Boesch – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs as he bats near .400 in the last week. Should be playing for at least another two weeks, until Guillen returns. Worth a look in deep mixed leagues for a part-time replacement.
Ivan Rodriguez – 4-for-4 as he bats .393 on the year. Yeah, that makes sense.
Luis Atilano – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks. Now has 12 walks to 11 strikeouts. That’s an avoid.
Miguel Batista – The poet laureate of the major leagues notched a save in Capps’ stead. Capps had pitched two consecutive days. Don’t matter, just don’t bite on Batista. And what’s a mention of Batista without Castro…
Starlin Castro – 0-for-2, 3 errors. Cubs fans blamed the third one on Bartman.