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There’s probably more relevant fantasy baseball stories that could’ve been the lead for today’s post, but guess what? I love me some suffering of others. Honestly, I would’ve named the site schadenfreude-ball.com, but I thought that would cause this blog to be a hotbed of lederhosen pictures and Wiener schnitzel recipes. (Personally, I have no problem with either, but when Google indexes you, it’s important you are in no way connected to lederhosen or Wiener schnitzel. I believe it goes back to the Potsdam Conference. BTW, for those history buffs out there, I got a kick out of this in Wikipedia, “In March 1945, Finland declares war on Germany.” In case anyone doesn’t follow, Hitler killed himself in April 1945. Way to step up, Finland. They’re like the defensive replacement that comes into the ninth inning of game seven of a championship game. They get to celebrate, but you know they didn’t do anything. Finland is Doug Mientkiewicz. But I digress.) So, with The Love Guru bombing and Brett sent down, July 2008 was a bad month to be a Myers. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Matt Cain – Okay, full disclosure. I have Matt Cain on one of my teams and he’s been sitting on the bench for a majority of the season, but I’m holding him because I think he can be better. Yesterday, he was better. 8 IP, 2 H, 0 ER, 10 Ks.

Chipper Jones – Avoided the DL. Yesterday I said, it looked like Chipper was headed to the DL. I didn’t Celebracadabra this shizz out of thin air. Manager Bobby Cox said he was shocked Jones didn’t hit the DL. Honestly, if you’re in Reno and there’s even odds for Chipper going on the DL, you double down. And don’t forget to tip your waitresses.

Troy Percival – Back to the DL and it wasn’t Wheeler last night for the save… It was Balfour! True, what? I am a True Fushnick! It’s fantasy baseball that I kick. But it was Balfour because Wheeler had gone three days in a row. Wheeler will get the majority of the saves going forward. You want a limb? How’s this — Wheeler gets more saves than Percival in the 2nd half.

Jeff Kent – HR last night. Why can’t he get more home runs in the 2nd half than he got in the first? Cause he’s 40. Well, yeah, but I think he’s too stubborn to totally suck. He has nine home runs right now. I think he gets 12 more. Wow, 12 more! Can I drop Ryan Howard now?! Well, ain’t you smart. Kinsler/Phillips both only had 13 in the 1st half. So 12′s something.

John Danks – 8 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks, he reminds me of a manadrin orange. It looks all weird and shizz, but when you taste it, it tastes fine. That’s Danks. You look at him and his name looks all weird and you don’t trust him then you start him and he’s fine.

Aaron Cook – Double A *beep beep* C-O-O-K. Okay, more disclosure, I’ve had him on a team for two months now. That’s two months longer than I ever thought I’d have Aaron Cook on a team. Whatevs. For a fourth starter on a fantasy team, you can do a lot worse. *cough* Pedro *cough*

Alex Gordon – Guess who’s turning it on? Seriously, guess. Why wouldn’t you guess Alex Gordon?! This question was right next to his name. What, you don’t want to succeed? Success scares you? Gordon, 3 HRs in last week.

Matt Garza – 7 IP, 5 H, 0 ER, 3 Ks. No walks, which is a great sign. I told someone not to start him yesterday against the Sox. I also read the Michael J. Fox autobiography, Lucky Man: A Memoir. Twice. Sometimes you need to zig when I’m zagging.

Mariano RiveraKazaam!

J.J. Hardy – 2 HRs and over .450 in the last 7 games. He hit 15 home runs in two months last year. He can get hot. Recognize!

David Wright – 16th HR yesterday. 3 HRs in the last 7 games. He’s soooooo perfect. Like OJ Simpson in the 70s.

Todd Wellemeyer – My fifth starter has a second name it’s something-something-M-E-Y-E-R and has now given up 14 runs in 13.1 innings.

Cliff Lee – 8 IP, 1 ER. Still no sign of aging on Dorian Gray’s face.

Miguel Cabrera – Pinch hit, which is a good sign if people were worried about him heading to the DL.

Rafael Furcal – Officially pulling a Kotchman. After his first minor league game, his back hurt. Something tells me we may not see Furcal again for a while and he may not do anyone any good when he does return.

Jorge Cantu – Hasn’t a hit a HR since June 12th. I get no pleasure in seeing him struggle because I have him on two teams. Damn! I should’ve went with lederhosen pictures and Wiener schnitzel recipes.

Adam Lind – Way back in April, I grabbed Lind. Turned out bad like the last two seasons of 24, so I dropped him. Now he’s back and hitting. I just dropped Melky for him in one league. I love Melky’s name; I hate what Melky does to my team.

Joe Borowski – After the game, Eric Wedge said, “I thought he pitched well, they just got lucky.” After the interview, the Indians put Wedge’s name in the hat for Emmy consideration.

  1. SaltyBiscuits says:
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    Hideki Matsui or Gary Sheffield the rest of the way?

    Also, should I keep rostering Bruce or cut him for a Brad Hawpe type?

  2. Frank Rizzo says:
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    Are you f’ing kidding me? Screw you Furcal….screw you and your wimpy back pain. Rub some dirt on it pansy. Damnit!

    Here’s hoping JJ Hardy stays hot for awhile….hopefully the rest of the season.

  3. Commie-tment Issues says:
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    Direct replacement to Borowski – Kobayashi or Betancourt?

  4. p0rk burn says:
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    @Commie-tment Issues: Grey said Kobayashi in yesterday’s comments.

  5. dan says:
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    m young or jj hardy going forward

  6. Kevin says:
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    Finland was like the light hitting middle infielder wanting to charge the mound after getting plucked by a big Texas fireballer but waited until both benches completely emptied before actually making his move.

  7. Commie-tment Issues says:
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    Also, Elijah Dukes over the past month – 34/107 17 R 5 HR 16 RBI 6 SBs .318 AVG .416 OBP.

    Worth consideration as a third OF?

  8. goknick says:
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    which 3 out of 4-pack should provide best combination in AVG/Hits/Run/RBI/BB category?

    1) kelly johnson
    2) miguel tejada
    3) dustin pedroia
    4) alexi casilla

    i currently own 1) 2) 3), but is thinking about whether to make last change before the stretch period.

  9. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @SaltyBiscuits: Sheff and I’d want Hawpe on my team over Bruce.

    @dan: Hardy

    @Kevin: Ha!

    @Commie-tment Issues: re: Dukes — If you can afford to put in a guy while he’s hot without dropping anyone too good.

    @goknick: There’s been very few hotter than Casilla and I’d take a gamble on him over Kelly Johnson.

  10. SaltyBiscuits says:
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    @ Grey

    Hawpe over Hideki?

    You the man. Love having a second opinion for player decisions like this.

  11. goknick says:
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    @Grey: well i still have few hopes for kj, so instead of dropping kj for alexi casilla, i dropped okie dokie (who’s not really helping much in HD category of late).

    hope this move won’t back fire too much…. i was kind of fixated on okie dokie; red sox thing……

  12. goknick says:
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    @Grey:
    now i’ve done it…

    bye-bye kj, okie dokie; say hello to alexi & clay.

    odds of clay pitching for boston this week: -300
    odds of clay not pitching for boston this week: +300

  13. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @goknick: Odds of picking up Clay -300

    EDIT: Deleted part of response.

  14. goknick says:
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    @Grey: i’ve already won the bet…. muhahaha…

  15. Shogun says:
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    @Grey:

    Who do you project to be the best over the rest of the season?: Cantu, Thome, Konerko, Willingham, Gordon, or Davis?

  16. cruisinkc says:
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    Spot start Meche at Baltimore tonight?

  17. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @cruisinkc: He’s pitched well recently so I’d do that if I needed a starter.

  18. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Shogun: Gordon, Willingham, Cantu, Thome, Davis then Konerko, in that order.

  19. Shogun says:
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    @Grey:

    Thanks. In the past I’ve been infatuated with and spurned by Gordon like a creepy old guy pursuing a hot young girl, but that shouldn’t stop me from giving it another try, right? Right?

  20. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Shogun: I think in your awesome example you owe it to all of us to continue the pursuit.

  21. Shogun says:
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    @Grey: A few failed attempts, a restraining order, and the ultimate disappointment of discovering that the hot girl isn’t as hot up close as she looks from far away will not stop me – the pursuit is back on!

  22. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:
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    Cantu hasn’t homered since June 12th? Hmm…

    Dallas McPherson’s up to 29 homers for AAA Albuquerque as of yesterday. I don’t know why the Marlins would keep that sort of power locked up in AAA.

    My money’s on McPherson getting more homers than Cantu the rest of the season. Cust Kayin’.

  23. BSA says:
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    @Grey: Looking at the numbers Longoria and Gordon look pretty similar. Part of me thinks I might see more out of Gordon over the coming months due to correction and Longo being a rookie and uncharted waters.

  24. Baron Von Vulturewins says:
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    @BSA: I will humbly disagree. Longo has hit 15 HRs in 2.5 months. He plays in a better offense. He has been dead hot for the last two weeks.

    Gordon has more power than he’s shown thus far in a season and a half, but I don’t think he has more power than Longoria. He may be a better player over the next ten years, but not over the next four months.

    I go away for a week and now we’re rating the comments? Darwinian.

    P.S. You mock my RCL staff at your peril: Garza + Cain = Happy Baron.

  25. Baron Von Vulturewins says:
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    ******HORRIFYING INJURY ALERT*********

    From Rotoworld:

    The Diamondbacks placed catcher Chris Snyder on the disabled list with a left testicular fracture.

    Next season we’re starting a Fantasy Injury League: 2 pts. for anal fissures; 3 pts. for testicular fractures; 5 pts. for infected brain.

  26. Nick says:
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    Chone Figgins is horrible! Is he going to come around? If I were to trade him, who should I look to get?

  27. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:
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    @Baron Von Vulturewins:

    I don’t mean to break your balls here, (cough), … but this ruined my day.

    Re: the RCL… hmm… I’m in last place, and my catcher busted a nut. Does this mean I have to make some adjustments? WOAH! K-O!

  28. @IowaCubs: Busted a nut! Ha. This is what we call a case of Jocular Sphincteritis. It’s anything from sack to back that hurts even just when hearing it. Snyder was sucking on my 10-team league so this gave me the impetus to finally drop him…

  29. Nick says:
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    Both Gomez & Victorino are on waivers…

  30. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Nick: Well then drop someone and pick up Victorino. What is this, an 8 team league?

  31. Nick says:
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    @Grey: Yes, haha

  32. RT says:
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    Speaking of Victorino… Just got an offer:

    JD Drew/Maine
    4
    Lincecum/Victorino.

    I’m on the Lincecum side.

  33. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @RT: You’re getting Victorino/Lincecum? You do that trade immediately.

  34. RT says:
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    I almost spilled my coffee when I logged in.
    I could not hit accept quickly enough :)

  35. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:
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    Adam Lind… were you serious about that?

    He’s Matt Murton on a bad team.

    On the plus side, he’s from Muncie, Indiana… Dropping Melky for Muncie…

    Okay, I’m officially bored at work.

  36. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:
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    @Rudy Gamble: I was going to drop him anyway as well.

    Would this version of Jocular Sphincteritis have a sub-category? Could we call it the Snyder Pie? I smell a glossary definition.

  37. RT says:
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    @Grey:

    BTW, in the last three days, I have basically exchanged:

    Street/Headley/Drew/Maine
    for
    Lincecum/Atkins/Victorino.

  38. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @RT: Nice.

  39. Grey

    Grey says:
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    ***BTW, for people not following today’s latest post, you should check comments.

  40. Steve says:
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    Drop Jay Bruce for Alex Gordon? Already have Markakis, Rios, Bourne and Hawpe in the OF.

  41. BSA says:
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    Are we at the point with Figgins of tossing him aside? I was afraid of this as he was on and off the DL. Now what is he 0 for 20+. Can’t steal bases if your not on them.

  42. Joe says:
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    @Steve: Absolutely you drop Bruce for Gordon.

  43. RT says:
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    @Joe:

    Oops. Be careful. He just hit one out ;)

  44. Steve says:
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    Just offered up Street for Guillen. They came back wanting Saito. My SS is Renteria/Kepp so need the upgrade. My other closers are Street (obviously), Rivera, Mikey G with Bucholz and Zumaya hovering. I’m relievers-only so want to keep a minimum of 3.

    What say you Razzballers?

  45. Steve says:
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    @RT: And another!

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