Last night, I finally took a break after nearly 30 non-stop hours of watching the Every Simpsons Ever marathon to watch Wil Myers at bat. Much like Grandpa Simpson, I imagine someday I’ll tell my grand kids about watching the at-bats of a young Wil Myers, before he went on to achieve fantasy superstardom. Also like Grandpa Simpson, I imagine my story won’t really go anywhere. Like, “Back in ought-14, I had to use a remote to change the channel, because the cable companies had yet to implant the channel-changing chips in our brains. However, the important thing was I had an onion on my belt. Wil Myers stepped up to the plate in the 8th and sent a ball 400 feet into the seats for his first homer since May. Back then, before we switched to the metric system officially in 2042, we still measured things in feet because, Amurica. Twelve inches, you know. Myers ended 1-for-3 with 2 runs, 2 walks, his fifth home run, and his fourth stolen base. Mmmm, HRs and SBs. In those days, fantasy players like that were hard to come by, steroids were still illegal in baseball at the time, and did I mention I had an onion on my belt?” Anyway, I managed to pry myself away from #everysimpsonsever to watch Myers impress for the first time since returning from the DL three days ago and was shocked to find he’s unowned in a little less than 50% of ESPN and 30% of Yahoo leagues. Why am I not in any of these leagues? Wil “I Passed the Other L to the Player on My Left” Myers struggled earlier in the season (.227 batting average in 53 games) but the 23-year old phenom is just a year removed from being baseball’s top prospect, and hit close to .300 with 13 homers and 5 stolen bases in just 88 games in 2013. Dude could catch fire any minute! Grey told you to BUY him this week, and Myers has all the tools to Wil your fantasy team to victory in the last few weeks, so if he’s out there on waivers somehow I’d grab him immediately, then maybe someday you can bore your grand kids with the story of how Wil Myers saved your fantasy season.
Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball Friday night:
Drew Smyly – 9.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 4 K. Cute winking-faced devil emoji with clapping hands and thumbs up sign. The Emojicon obviously likes being a Devil Ray! It’s easier to compete with, or match the success of guys like Jake Odorizzi and Chris Archer, than the likes of Scherzer and Verlander. Four young Rays pitchers enter the ring next year, only one will emerge as the Ace of the staff, and most likely all of them will be worth owning on your fantasy team. Some healthy competition is good for the youngsters. Smyly lowered his ERA with his new team to 1.55 and gets the Orioles next week. He should be owned in most leagues at this point.
Marcus Stroman – 5.0 IP, 10 hits, 5 ER, 3 BB, 6 K. I couldn’t have been a bigger Stroman supporter early in the season. I was on the bandwagon before bandwagon’s had wheels even! You had to drag the wagon, 15 miles in the snow. Uphill! Anyway, in keeper leagues, obviously you hold onto Stro tight, but in redraft leagues I wouldn’t hesitate to set him free if there’s better options available, however, he does get the Dead Sox next week and Stream-O-Nator and I both like this start, so you might want to give him one last chance.
Evan Longoria – 3-for-4, HR (16), 3 RBI. Rotoworld almost convinced me this morning that Longo has been quietly having a great season, citing this homer as Longoria’s 21st. I make typos as much as the next illiterate, but there’s a big difference for a guy like Longo at this point of the year between 16 and 21 homers. Perhaps if we wish hard enough and write it down in hard copy, it will come true. Let’s make it happen writers! And while we’re at it, Bryce Harper has 25 home runs, too.
Yoenis Cespedes – 1-for-4, 3-run HR (21). With fellow countryman Rusney Castillo headed to Beantown, Yoenis only has a few weeks left to win the affection of the Fenway faithful before a newer, shinier Cuban arrives in town. Make it happen, Yoeny!
David Ortiz – 2-for-2, run. I Luh Ya Papi! How could I not? You really know the way to a man’s heart…fantasy points. Ortiz has been on fire the past week, batting .650 with 4 homers and 8 RBI. He’s slugging 1.400 with a .741 OBP. It’s only a matter of time before the plush Big Papi doll replaces the Teddy Bear in New England homes. He hugs even better than he slugs!
Koji Uehara – 0.2 IP, 5 hits, 5 ER, BB, K. Quite possibly his worst outing in his career with the Sawx. Koji has now given up earned runs in his past three appearances, but before you press the panic button consider how it might affect Uehara’s son, Kuzuma’s, confidence in old dad. Your father’s going to be fine, kiddo, he’s just trying to fit in with the rest of the team right now.
Adam Wainwright – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, 4 ER, 3 BB, 2 K. Ugh! Waino, what have you been drinking? Not a bad start, but certainly not good. Adam’s got a 5.29 ERA in August. He’s letting you down when you need him the most. Is this what I get for drafting an ace? You must do better.
Buster Posey – 2-for-5, HR (15), 2 RBI. Contrary to Wainwright, I feel like Buster always turns it on and gets crazy hot at just the right time, late-August/early-September. He’s now homered in back-to-back games and is making your dumb friend look smart for drafting him in the fourth round. Stop doing that!
Joe Panik – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 3-run HR (1). Joe Panik at the Disco! is one of the hottest hipsters around, which makes the exclamation point less ironic, I guess. He’s batting close to .600 in the past week with a HR and 6 RBI, and six multi-hit outings in his last ten games. He’s worth a look if you are struggling for an infielder.
Carlos Sanchez – 3-for-4, run. More average infielders having above average months? It must be your lucky day!
Jose Abreu – 2-for-4, 3-run HR (33). His 93 RBI lead the league. He also leads the league this year in fan mail. Which is strange because I’ve written him like 40 letters and he hasn’t replied yet. What’s the deal? Hit me back. Just to chat. Sincerely yours, your biggest fan. This is Dan.
Martin Prado – 2-for-5, 2-run HR (3), 3 RBI. Prado is batting close to .400 with 2 homers and 7 RBI in the past week. Something tells me Prado is going to be a nice pick next year.
Carlos Carrasco – 6.0 IP, 2 hits, 1 ER, 2 BB, 8 K. Stream-O-Nator absolutely loved this start, more than he loved Joaquin Phoenix in Her, and you were thinking, what is that crazy robot thinking? Maybe his 1.02 WHIP had something to do with it. That’s just science, ya’ll. You can’t explain it with facts. Ask Mr. White. Carlos has now given up just one run in 18.0 IP since reentering the rotation. His 21/2 K/BB rate in that span is real nice, too. He’s definitely worth the add for his start next week versus the White Sox.
Zach Walters – 1-for-3, HR (5). His third straight game with a home run, and his fifth jack in the past eight games! Sweet sassy molassy! It doesn’t appear from the stats that Walters does much else besides homer, but really what else do you need. The .200 average ain’t pretty, but he’s certainly worth a look at least until he stops homering every day.
Cody Allen – 1.0 IP, 1 hit, 4 runs, 0 ER, 2 BB. Gave up a 3-run HR to Jon Singleton (12) in the 9th inning and he ruined Carrasco’s stellar outing. If you were a dog I’d shame you into the corner right now.
Nelson Cruz – 1-for-4, HR (34). If he keeps hitting home runs I might be tempted to draft him next season, and no one here wants that, not even Nelson.
Javier Baez – 1-for-4, HR (5). Coincidentally, Javier is also the name of my butler. Did I mention I have a butler? Gimme a break, a guy needs help maintaining a 500-acre estate. In this alternate reality, I also own Javier Baez in all my dynasty leagues.
Jake Arrieta – 7.0 IP, 4 hits, 1 ER, 5 K. Since getting destroyed at Coors three starts ago, Jake has surrendered just 3 ER and 11 hits in 21.1 IP, with an 18/4 K/BB rate. I have a feeling he’s going to be tough to rank next year.
Kevin Gausman – 5.0 IP, 6 hits, 3 ER, 7 K. I am pretty much done with Gausman for 2014. He’s been one of my go-to streamers all year long and I can’t remember this working out that well for me once yet. He hasn’t been awful, but he’s been far from a good fantasy option. Next year, however, I’ll probably own him everywhere.
Justin Upton – 3-for-6, 2-run HR (25). You gotta hand it to J-Upside. He’s been a let down for his fantasy owners in the past, but he’s putting it all together when your team needs it most. Dude is batting close to .400 and slugging over .800 in the past two weeks, with 6 homers, 12 runs, and 22 RBI. He’s got 25 homers and 86 RBI on the year, and is on pace to go well past his career highs in those categories. That is a first round fantasy player, people! Kate Upton was right all along.
Billy Hamilton – 2-for-4, RBI, 3 SB (49). Games like this are exactly why you drafted him.
Mike Minor – 7.2 IP, 1 hit, 1 ER, 4 BB, 5 K. I finally recommended letting go of Minor two weeks ago and then he goes and strings together a couple of quality starts. A Minor adjustment, perhaps? *Dodges tomato* It may have been a cushy match up, but Mike gets another cushy match up vs. the Mess next week. Stream-O-Nator really likes it and I’d roll with him too if he’s out on waivers.
Billy Butler – 1-for-5, HR (8). While in Texas, I heard Butler can eat more beef ribs in one day than the city of Lockhart, TX produces in a week.
Josh Willingham – 1-for-3, 2 runs, HR (14). He may not play every day but Josh is finding plenty of value with his new team, with 3 homers and 8 RBI in the past two weeks. J-Willy Stylez is batting .333 with the Royals (versus .210 with the Twins) and could be worth the add if you need the power.
Yordano Ventura – 4 hits, 1 ER, 3 BB, 6 K and his 10th win. Did people sour on him quick or what? What am I missing? It’s almost like he’s not a rookie pitcher with 10 wins, a 3.40 ERA and 125 strikeouts. That’s preeettttaay, pretttaaaay, prettaay good. Maybe you shouldn’t have drafted him in the 10th round, but whose fault was that? Mine? Whoops, my bad!
Josh Harrison – 3-for-5, HR (11), 5 RBI. He’s cooled off considerably in the past week or so but the value is still there. Maybe he just cooled off so he could get crazy hot again. Think positive!
Andrew McCutchen – 2-for-5, HR (18). Cutch’s first homer since returning from the DL. Hey, Drew. Can I call you Drew? No? That’s cool. If you want to come by the crib later to watch some Simpsons you’re more than welcome. I’ll clear a spot for you on the futon. Or sit on the bean bag, your call, bro! I’ve got enough mountain dew, Doritos, and bagel bites to last the next 10 days. Why yes, my stomach feels awful right now, why do you ask?
Ryan Braun – 2-for-5, HR (16). Hey you! I feel like I haven’t written your name once all season. *Checks records* Well wouldn’t you know, I guess I’ve been spelling it Ryan Brown all this time! Do’h! LOL! I confused Ryan Braun with Ryan Brown. Boy, do I feel stupid! How embarrassing!
Josh Collmenter – 8.1 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, 8 K and his 9th win. Probably the best start of the season for Collie. Good boy! Still he’s not much more than a streamer outside deep leagues, but I like his start next week at home for Colorado.
Nolan Arenado – 4-for-4. Don’t get me wrong, I love what Nolan’s doing right now. Fabulous stuff. Batting over .400 with 3 homers in the past two weeks. Bravo! However, if I’m to have any hope of drafting you on all my fantasy teams next year, maybe tone it down a notch, would you?
Corey Dickerson – 1-for-5, 2-run HR (18). If Corey Dickerson and Charlie Blackmon combined their DNA to form one player, they could possibly be the greatest player in the history of sport! 33 homers, 120 RBI, 30 SB and it’s not even September! Egads, they’d/he’d/it’d be incredible! Chorley Dackermon. Make it happen, science!
Marcell Ozuna – 3-for-5, GS HR (19), 5 RBI. 9TH INNING. BASES LOADED. OZUNA UP. OZUNA HIT BALL FAR. CROWD CHEER. Ozuna’s bash brother, and my personal blood brother, Giancarlo Stanton was 3-for-4 with 3 runs and 3 RBI. I don’t mean to pick on rotoworld today, but they mistakenly wrote that G-Carlo remains the rock in the middle of Colorado’s line up. Which got me dreaming about Stanton playing in Coors 80 times a year. Which made me really excited and happy only to wake up and discover he was still on the Marlins. Thanks a lot, rotoworld!
Mike Trout – 2-for-4, HR (28). Hopefully, Mike isn’t reading this week. He doesn’t know that me and Giancarlo are also blood brothers yet. On second thought, he doesn’t know me and him are blood brothers either. I may or may not have transfused our blood under questionable circumstances, and I may or may not keep said blood in a jar above my bed, next to Giancarlo’s shaving scum and Jose Abreu’s skin flakes. I am quite the collector.
Josh Hamilton – 1-for-2, HR (9). Don’t look now, but J-Hammies might be about to catch fire in that patented way that only Josh Hamilton can catch fire. I said don’t look! It’s a long time coming, so I don’t want to jinx it.
Sonny Gray – 8.1 IP, 6 hits, 3 ER, 2 BB, 5 K and his 13th win. Sonny boy has had a rough go of it lately, but the important thing was last night, he had an onion on his belt.
Dan Haren – 7.0 IP, 3 hits, 1 ER, 6 K and his 11th win. After being chased from his last start early, Haren looked awesome Friday night and could be worth re-adding if he’s hanging out on your waiver wire. He gets the Padres next week and you don’t need to be a rock scientist to know that’s a favorable match up. It’s igneous, yo!
Justin Turner – 2-for-3, run, SB (5). Justin Turner Overdrive keeps on taking care of business. He’s a hot little shcmotato right now, but if you ask him, you ain’t seen nothing yet. JT’s got a six game hitting streak, batting .450 with a HR and 2 stolen bases in the past week. I don’t know who your corner man is at the moment, but if he looks anything like mine, I’m sure that Turner could provide a decent upgrade in value, at least while he’s hot.
Eduardo Escobar – 5-for-6, 3 runs, HR, 2 RBI. The Twins went absolutely bonkers last night and scored 20 runs on 20 hits, so you can safely assume every Twin you may own had a nice game yesterday. (Except Kurt Suzuki 0-for-6, d’oh!). Danny Santana was 3-for-6 with 2 runs and a HR (6) and 4 RBI. Kennys Vargas was 2-for-5 with 3 runs, Joe Mauer went 2-for-4 with 3 RBI and Trevor Plouffe went the dynamite going 3-for-6 with 3 runs a HR (10) and 3 RBI. Zan and Jayna were certainly proud to see the Wonder Twins activate like this.
Oswaldo Arcia – 2 for-6, 3 runs, HR (14), 3 RBI. It’d be a shame not to highlight at least one Twins hitter above the rest after last night’s cray party in the Mini Apple. Arcia is a hot little baked potato right now covered in sour cream and chive. Chives, ya’ll! That is some fancy pants stuff! No, not Wendys style! Regardless, he’s got six homers and 15 RBI in the past 10 games! Grey told you to BUY him and if you need more convincing than that to pick him up, you should probably see a hypnotist or something. They helped me get over my obsession with rookie pitchers and 30-30 outfielders. Oswaldo could be a great add if you need power, so grab him while he’s hot because summer’s almost over and it gets cold in Minnesota real quick!
Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below, or you can get at me on twitter @dandemanco. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!