There’s nothing remotely funny about ESPN’s 2011 fantasy baseball mock draft if you think about how this is their occupation. Not sure if everyone saw Waiting for Superman, or if anyone saw it, but it blames some teachers for education’s shortcomings. Guess who’s to blame for fantasy baseballers’ (<–my mom’s term!) shortcomings? The kinkajou? No, random italicized voice! ESPN! Would’ve been my second guess.
After AJ Mass took Halladay with the seventh pick overall, he didn’t backpedal. Instead, he said, “I’d actually consider taking him as early as third overall, so this was a no-brainer to me at No. 7. There is a lot of pitching depth this season, but few are as “sure a thing” as Halladay.” A lot?! There was thirty one pitchers under a 3.50 ERA last year. It’s officially the age of the pitcher. Someone in the comments at ESPN named, tony9999171 hit the nail on the head. (BTW, I’m guessing tony9999170 was taken.) “Mass aren’t you the same guy that told people last year Ellsbury was a 1st round pick?” Mass was. He’s one of the people who doesn’t need to be from Massachusetts to fit the Masshole label. His picks only get more absurd. At one point, he sandwiches a closer pick with Juan Pierre and Rajai Davis. Cool, should go well with his previously drafted Victorino and B.J. Upton picks. I’m not even kidding. Okay, moving on before I rupture a blood vessel.
Youuuuuuk went at the 25th pick overall. Not a completely crazy pick until you realize Ryan Howard lasted until the 35th overall. Howard’s a career .279 hitter who has averaged 45.8 homers in the last five years. Has averaged 136 RBIs and 99 runs in those five years. Youuuuuk has never knocked in 136 RBIs. The amount Howard has averaged. Youuuuuuk has only topped 99 runs once in his career. That is Howard’s average. Youuuuuk’s career high in homers is 29. Oh, just a tad short of Howard. Youuuuuuk’s career average is .294. So that Youuuuuuk pick way ahead of Howard makes total sense. /sarcasm Oh, and Youuuuuuk had a torn muscle in his hand last year. Yeah, hitters don’t need those hand things. Seriously, I need to move on; ulcer is flaring right now.
Quinscomb, the thing on the top of a rooster, grabbed Kendry with the 58th pick, Harris took Konerko 68th and Berry took Butler with the 77th pick. Now these picks aren’t necessarily terrible unto themselves. Butler hit 15 homers last year, Konerko will be 35 years old and was a 20th round pick last year for a reason and Kendry is dealing with a serious injury. So someone tell me how these effin’ ‘perts keep talking about how deep the 1st base position is? Someone explain that to me! Someone explain how people look at my top 10 and top 20 for 2011 fantasy baseball and say it’s too heavy with 1st basemen. You want to go to battle with Billy Butler when I’m rocking Te(i)x or Howard? Good luck to you, friend.
Finally, some quick thoughts. Cwalinski went with Weeks at the 45th pick overall, which is way too high. But I believe Cwalinski is a city in Poland and not an actual person, so I’ll excuse it. The Masshole came back with Jeter at the 34th pick. Then– Wait, 34th overall for Jeter?! His ADP last year was 43. How did he move up from last year?! How the holy eff did he move up?! Okay, I need to go take a steam to get my blood pressure down.