Chris Carpenter left yesterday’s spring training game with a strained hammy. That sounds delicious! Unless, of course, you’ve drafted him already. Then you’re like, “Jesus, Carpenter!” But you shouldn’t have drafted him already. You really shouldn’t draft until the last possible second in March. You don’t want to lose your league before the season even starts, that’s not fun/fair. Not to mention, I wouldn’t draft Carpenter. I don’t trust him to stay healthy, even if recent history tells us I should. I also don’t walk on the sidewalk cracks and sometimes check to make sure my door is locked seven times before leaving. Hey, no one’s perfect. The Cardinals say Carpenter will be fine in ten days or so. I still say stay away. Older pitcher coming off a 235 IP season who is already hurting? I’m okay without that. BTW, if you found this site by searching Google for “Jesus + Carpenter + what do Cardinals say?” you’re in the wrong place. Sorry. Anyway, here’s some more news for fantasy baseball:
Grady Sizemore – Won’t be ready until the middle of April. Hopefully he’s taking this extra time to pose for some more nudie pictures of himself. “Oh, darn, I got something on my pants. Maybe I should remove them.” That’s Grady playing coy, the only playing he’s been doing lately.
Nick Johnson – Signed with the Indians. When the signing was announced, he seemed in good spirits.
Jake Peavy – From the files of Grey Will Never Learn, I’m starting to get excited about Jake Peavy again. He’s supposed to make an appearance on Friday and should be ready for the start of the season. All common sense is telling me Peavy will just get hurt again by June, but if he’s throwing well and healthy, I could see moving him up the ranks and drafting him at a discount.
Brandon Webb – News sounds positive about Webb throwing bullpen sessions. Terrific, wonderful, awe to the some. Whatever, my Peavy enthusiasm doth not runneth over to Webb.
Josh Beckett – Was hit by a batting practice ball and is showing concussion symptoms. I’m not a doctor — in case you were wondering — but after losing Morneau for ten months to a concussion, I think this is just another reason to avoid Beckett.
Lance Berkman – Will DH for a bit because of a sore throwing elbow. Sounds like minor news, but if this problem continues into the season, where’s he playing for the Cardinals? Not 1st base. I have a feeling all of those people drafting Berkman who are hoping for a bounce back are going to be yawnstipated.
Chris Iannetta – He hit a home run yesterday. Already went over catchers to target, where Iannetta got some face time (Do I have to pay Steve Jobs a nickel for saying that?). Oh, and I’ve already drafted Iannetta on one team. Why won’t you draft him? Afraid of success? Aw, you underachiever, you.
Matt Thornton – February Grey waffled about whether Thornton would be the closer. “Ooh, I’m February Grey and I can’t decide on the White Sox closer or what to eat for a snack.” Eat Cheetos and draft Thornton with confidence. Thank God that February Grey guy has a short month, huh?
Kyle McClellan – Looks to be the frontrunner for the fifth spot in the Cardinals rotation. My take is Dave Duncan will sprinkle some of his magic dust on McClellan and he’ll be a valuable mixed league option by the end of the year. He won’t be drafted in most leagues though, and I wouldn’t go against that outside of NL-Only leagues. In NL-Only leagues, he’s the kind of pick that can help you win your league.
Brian Wilson – Dealing with a back issue of Men’s Health. He says he’ll be all right. I believe him. Guy might be bonkers, but he’s got heart. Still being drafted too high for me, so there’s that.
Corey Hart – Will be sidelined for two weeks with a strained abdominal muscle. Don’t worry, the Hart Foundation will get its revenge!