Lastings Milledge was sent to the minors yesterday clearing room for Elijah Dukes to cover for him in center and probationary hearings. Luckily, on his way out of town, Milledge stopped by Razzball HQ with some “word science.” After you read the rhymes Milledge dropped, feel free to drop him.
Dukes has a good 3 days, so he gets a buffer?
I’m da original Bowden Fluffer!
My rhymes are so hard they break bats,
Why you go out and sign that Three-True Outcome Fats?
To the minors, you’re sending moi?
I’m declaring a fatwa!
Don’t push me, cuz I’m close to the edge,
I’m trying not to lose my head,
Uh huh ha ha ha…
It’s like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder,
Why MLB didn’t let this team go under.
Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Tom Glavine – Career might be over. Take a moment, go to the front lawn, pocket some dirt in honor of Glavine’s career, then drop him.
Chris Carpenter – From the top 60 starters post, “There’s plenty of pitchers to choose from, give Carpenter a year to prove himself. That’s all, one year. Or maybe until the All-Star Break. Just don’t draft him out of the gate.” Do I need to continue? Carpenter left yesterday’s game with a strained oblique. That’s vaguely a belly ache. I wouldn’t drop him, but I would hope he gets placed on the DL so you can at least free up a spot.
Jesse Litsch – Wasn’t worth owning prior to forearm tightness and now he’s on the 15-day DL. Call in Reggie Roby.
Xavier Nady – Left with elbow pain. In the 1st basemen to target post, I said, ” I think (Swisher) takes the job from Nady when Nady’s exploited for not being what he was last year.” And that’s me quoting me! I wouldn’t be surprised at all if Nady’s one of the bigger busts this year outside of Billy Butler’s moobs. Nady was injury-prone prior to last year and last year was a career year. Do the math!
Nick Swisher – 4th HR yesterday. Read again what I wrote about Nady.
Daisuke Matsuzaka – One inning, 5 earned. I’m not going to quote or link to anything, but I told you to avoid Dice-K this year. You do what you do, I do what I do. Word on the Bean Streets is he’s suffering from “arm fatigue.” Clay Buchholz may be getting the call to replace him for a couple of starts.
Scott Podsednik – Jeopardy contestant, “Questionable Manager Moves for $100.” Alex Trebek, “The answer is ‘The White Sox signed Scott Podsednik.'” Contestant, “How could Ozzie Guillen find a worst centerfielder, leadoff man than DeWayne Wise?”
Vladimir Guerrero – Admitted this offseason to lying about his age and is now coping to a Latin 34. He seems like a nice guy, but, man, he’s been looking like a Latin 40.
Ricky Romero – 8 IP, 2 ER. C’mon, that’s a made-up name! It’s too perfect. Good results for “Ricky” so far as he’s kept his walks in check. His minor league numbers say trouble isn’t too far away. In AL-Only leagues, he’s worth a flier, but don’t get too excited.
Glen Perkins – Also 8 IP, 2 ER. Another great start for The Pancake House. Again, don’t invest too heavily. He’s like Slowey-lite.
Nelson Cruz – Hit his 4th homer. If he’s on waivers in any leagues, he shouldn’t be. If you have a power void on your team, I’d trade for Cruz.
A.J. Burnett – No hitter into the 7th. I’d look to trade him if you’re fine on starters. Five dollars says he doesn’t get through May.
Carlos Villanueva – 1 IP, 3 ER. Kazaam!
Emilio Bonifacio – 2-for-5 to drop his average to .485. The correction is complete!
Melvin Mora – To the DL with a hamstring injury. Wigginton will field the spot for a few weeks. That’s no endorsement of Wigginton unless you’re desperate. Then again, if you were playing Mora, you probably are desperate.
Manny Parra – 6 IP, 3 ER. Two runs scored on walks to Taveras and Hairston, two guys that need to be knocked down to take a pitch. In summation, Parra really needs to cut down on his walks.
Chris Davis – 2nd HR in two days. Now don’t you feel bad for hating him three days ago?
Mark Reynolds – HR yesterday. Okay, Davis 2, Reynolds 1… Now go to your corners and when you hear the bell come out swinging.
Jacoby Ellsbury – Stole his fourth bag as he bats .194. I could see him hitting .260 and stealing 40 this year. Oh, and Jacoby Ellsbury says, “It’s April 15th, do your taxes!”