Okay, the truth was bound to come out. I’m really Mike Scioscia. All of that self-deprecating crap — or self-decrapacating, if you like portmanteaus — was just to throw you off the scent. Ooh, I’m a Sciosciapath! Phooey on the hullabalooey! Ooh, I hate Mike Napoli, but have “Grey” tell you he likes him. C’mon, that’s the oldest trick in the book! Even older than the ol’ banana-in-the-tailpipe. And that has “ol’” in its name! I can’t believe no one picked up on it. Me and Arte derisively laugh at you. Before I, Mike Scioscia disguised as Grey, started touting Napoli, half of you schmohawks thought his name was Michael and were only impressed with him after you saw his mom’s nipples. I’ve been seeing her nipples for the last 12 years! I’m really Mike Napoli’s father. And he’s only 12 years old. Now, where’s Jeff Mathis? I wanna play him at first and bench Pujols. So why is Mike Napoli overrated for 2012 fantasy baseball?
Cause he’s a catcher. Dur! Right now, he’s being drafted on average at 46th overall. I thought only Ron Washington was on drugs, but I’m starting to think some of you are too. I couldn’t get you to draft him before 150 for the last three years and suddenly at the age of 30 he’s being drafted in the top 50? He just came off a season of a .344 BABIP. Everything was dropping in for him, so he cut his K-rate and his walk rate went up. His luck normalizes and guess what? He’s gonna try and make things happen more, which will push down his walk rate and up his K-rate. Washington misplaces his devil’s dandruff, blames Napoli and suddenly he’s only playing 4 games a week. Boom, there goes his counting stats. I have his projections down for 60/25/70/.250/3. That’s being fair. But the obvious negative is the only time he had over 400 ABs in his career he hit .238. Yay, that’s fun. Also, he said due to his ankle, he might have to work through some pain this year. He said this in January. How about in May when he’s been crouching on it for two months? That’ll surely get better. Not to mention, when has a player ever admitted to having pain? Usually it’s, “I’m good, the shoulder feels fine! No, this sling doesn’t mean anything! Could you help me tie my shoelaces?” Yeah, go ahead and draft Napoli in the top 50 and I’ll take a catcher about ten rounds later. Now, what do you mean Jeff Mathis is on the Blue Jays? He’s supposed to be hitting cleanup for us!