Don't be shellfish...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+

Many of you (none of you) have been asking me the same question, day after day (no one’s asked me), when are you going to mustache model?  The 2nd most asked question (that no one is asking) is when are we going to get another Donkey.  We’ve had Adam Dunn, the Big Donkey.  Mark Reynolds, the Mini Donkey.  Ian Stewart, the Mini Mini Donkey.  Donkeys can hit 35 homers, give a handful of steals and hit .240 while being at a corner infield position.  (Dunn’s speed was when he was younger; he once stole 19 bases, and Stewart’s power was when it seemed like he could hit in the major leagues).  It’s Donkey season and there’s a new Donkey.  Miguel Sano is Donkey Jr.  The Donkey Jr. show is near, and you don’t have to turn away in disgust from this donkey show hoping you get no unwanted fluids on your shirt.  In fact, you may want to take part in it without feeling like you need to change your name and leave a note to your family for the disgusting display you took part in.  So, what can we expect of Miguel Sano for 2014 fantasy baseball?

His power is immense.  He could hit 35 home runs right now in the majors.  That’s at 20 years old.  Zoinks!  I’d also be impressed if he could hit above .230 without a BABIP of at least .380, which is nearly impossible.  He also has 10-steal speed.  This is all at 3rd base.  Miguel Sano most definitely does not get the Gas Face.  Last year, he hit 19 homers in Double-A.  Whatever, right?  That was in a half a year!  He only played 67 games in Double-A.  He was in High-A prior to that where he hit 16 homers in 56 games.  He’s basically demolishing pitches everywhere he goes.  Between Double and High-A, he also stole 11 bases.  The big problem is he had a strikeout percentage of 29.3% in Double-A.  That’s not playable right now in the majors.  If that were only to go up a few percentage points in the majors, he’s gonna strikeout 200 times in a full season.  He’s gonna make Pedro Alvarez look like a contact hitter.  Alvarez is actually a good comparison (that’s why I’m making it).  Alvarez has been in the league for 4 (stutterer!) years and is still hitting .230-ish.  Sano takes more walks than Alvarez, but if the Twins are hoping to avoid a development curve like Alvarez, they’ll leave Sano in the minors for at least a few months.  He needs to strike out less or he’s gonna hit .220 for three years in the majors.  For 2014, I’ll give him the line of 19/9/32/.235/2 in 120 ABs.  He’s gonna be a great one, but he needs to take major steps in his plate discipline first and he has time for it.

  1. English says:
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    I’m kind of hoping they hold Sano back so they can bring him up the same day as Buxton. Man there’d be a lot of self touching in the fantasy baseball community that day.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Yeah, and then two weeks later people will be wondering if they should drop them…

      • English says:
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        @Grey:
        Two weeks? Still mid-reacharound then.

        Congratulations on this weekend’s nuptials by the way. Try not to mention reacharounds in your speech.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Ha, I will do my best!

  2. Terrence Mann says:
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    Happy Halloween, snitches.

    Grey’s gonna hate me after this one. I just received my roto payout over 500% than what I invested. There are drinks coming to the staff. The only request I have is that “Startapalooza is posted Friday afternoon. Help your peeps. A lot of waivers happen before dorks like me wake up Saturday morning.

    As I said, razzball has $ coming as appreciation from me. $100 automatically.

    $150.00 if Grey will play me in Words With Friends.

    $200.00 if he’ll tell me what f-ing reality show he was on (and the hair cutting story is classic )

    Im not above bribery when things are going well. I’ll be Magic Johnson and keep the reality show to myself .

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Ha! Thanks for the tip, I appreciate it… If I play you in WWF, you’re gonna be asking yourself, do I SUQ this bad?

  3. Wake Up says:
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    Hey bud…Hope you have/had a great wedding…as weddings go, and all that…assuming that you are actually getting married…and assuming that you are not some 50 year old women from the Upper Peninsula(which I’m not)…

    -tip of the cap to Lou Reed
    -nod of the head to velvet, in general, but not on them…

    friends don’t let friends grow mustaches…if left unattended, they can get lost in the park…or worse, soon lead to skanky beards…worse still, you could end up Sawx…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I get married this Saturday… Not a woman from UP… Sawx make mustaches look bad…

      • Wake Up says:
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        @Grey: Jokes aside, I hope it goes great for you!

        All Souls Day is a bold choice. I predict that it is “a moving sea between the shores of your souls”

        Seems as though the roundtable rolled away…damn, I was looking forward to it.

        • SteveNZ says:
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          @Wake Up: Or the soles of your shoes…

          • Wake Up says:
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            @SteveNZ: goddammit…I’m trying to be serious over here…

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          I think it’s the day after All Soul’s Day, isn’t it?

          • Wake Up says:
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            @Grey: point is I’m trying to wish you well for christsake!

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Oh! Thanks!

    • SteveV says:
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      Hey I grew up in the U.P. I have to admit the women up there are, well let’s say not prime cut!

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        Center cut? End part that’s grisly?

  4. Wake Up says:
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    *go look up a picture of a cat

  5. Wake Up says:
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    *now, go look up a picture of a chubby male cat with hairy mipples

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Ha!

  6. JT says:
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    I know I’m too old to take the bait but man my eyes hurt. HAHAHAHA!

  7. Ken says:
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    Hey Grey Congrats on the wedding! Wanted to ask about keepers for next season, please?

    10 Team Auction 5×5 Roto $260 Budget and can keep 5:

    Votto $23
    Cano $24
    Goldy $18
    GIancarlo $1
    Puig $1
    Hamilton $1
    Taveras $1
    Harper $1
    Strasburg $18
    Sherzer $16

    Appreciate your thoughts.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Wedding isn’t until Saturday… Goldy, Giancarlo, Puig, Scherzer, Harper…

  8. papasmurf says:
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    From the tallest mushroom house in Smurf Village, congratulations on tying the knot!

    I recall many moons ago when I married Mama Smurf, I was but a wee pup. Skin was still a healthy greyish blue hue and my hair was still… white… well whitER than now. And now 400 years and 100 kids later, I am a bitter old smurf wearing underpants on my head, walking around in pajama bottoms and smoking magic mushroom dust.

    Wait what was I saying? Oh yeah congratulations marriage is a wonderful thing!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I’m not getting married until Saturday… Thanks though, that’s a beautiful story about you and Mam Smurf…

  9. the tone ranger says:
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    hola grey!
    how would you rank these keepers (rounds they are kept in are in parenthesis). if i keep more than 1 per round, they get bumped up to the next higher round.

    j.upton (3), bogaerts (26), wacha (27), gerrit cole (27), jose fernandez (24), sonny gray (27), jason werth (27), ellsbury (5),

    thanks!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Fernandez, Ellsbury, Cole, Werth, Bogaerts…

  10. Swagger Jackers says:
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    @Grey: How was the wedding?

    Did any baseball players get invites?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      It’s this Saturday as I wrote in the comments above

      • SwaggerJackers says:
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        @Grey: Just trollin’ ya bro!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Ha, why I oughta!

  11. J-FOH says:
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    Can we call Pedro Alvarez El Burro?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Bit less than a donkey since he has no speed whatsoever…

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Grey: el burro lento?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          I had to Google lento…I thought it might be a type of soup… Pedro’s not really a full-bred donkey…

          • J-FOH says:
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            @Grey: El Burro Medias

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Really making me search through my old Spanish lessons, huh? He’s not really a burro… Though, it does kinda make sense that a donkey would be slow and not have speed, but that’s always been the case in my mind…

  12. royce! says:
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    Hey Grey,

    Haven’t commented in a bit but wanted to make sure you know that I am reading the posts and rooting for the red sox solely because of this:

    http://deadspin.com/hey-shane-victorino-high-five-509522759

    I’ll be rooting for you this weekend too! Especially if you high five everyone at the ceremony Uehara style.

  13. J-FOH says:
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    I saw this one on my twitter. It’s of interest because A) Siracha is an american made product, always has been in the San Gabriel Valley B) The city of Irwindale, where I used to work and is only 10 minutes from where I live, has only 1,000 residents C) we need as much off season filler as possible

    http://foodspin.deadspin.com/californians-fail-to-appreciate-inescapable-burning-sr-1454044660?utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_twitter&utm_source=deadspin_twitter&utm_medium=socialflow

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Interesting… This past weekend there was the first annual Siracha festival, which I considered briefly, but it was A) $49 B) Why on earth would it be $49? C) See A and B

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Grey: foodie trend gets more expensive than hookers and blow

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          And it’s not as good for you…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I’m gonna go do it!

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Grey: If you feel it’s going to happen too soon then think about baseball…..scratch that, baseball makes you think of Giancarlo and we know what that will do….think about that confusing sport of football, yeah thats the ticket

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Good idea… Or soccer…Or soccer’s appeal…

          • J-FOH says:
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            @Grey: I was going to say soccer but I didn’t want you falling asleep on the cougs

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              It wouldn’t be the first time… Hey oh!

              • J-FOH says:
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                @Grey: hahahaha…hey now!

                Did you get my e-mail and when do you tie the knot…roughly?

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  We get married Saturday night…

                  • J-FOH says:
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                    @Grey: Oh wow, it’s so soon. You’re going with the feathered hair?

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Yeah, maybe a little mousse… I’m pretty good au naturale…

                  • J-FOH says:
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                    @Grey: Nice, no comb needed with the mousse…..sorry I sent you one last e-mail

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      The great thing about my hair is my hair, so it’s hard to mess that up…

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Oh, and replying to the email now…

    • Carnac says:
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      @Sky: Clint Howard is so good.

  14. Jon says:
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    Will you be doing a rookie post for Jose Abreu?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Yup

  15. SwaggerJackers says:
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    @Grey: Sent a little cash money your way for the honeymoon. Thanks for helping me win a couple leagues this season.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Thanks, man!

  16. SteveNZ says:
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    Sal Perez overcomes the death of his grandmother (and the hundreds of fantasy teams that drafted him) to win an AL Gold Glove. Hosmer and Gordon got one too…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Maybe he’ll put it on his abuelita’s tombstone, in memoriam…

  17. frankgrimes says:
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    Congrats Brother.

    Au Shizz!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Grimey!

      Thanks!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Btw, check out the iTaste VV… Good shizz…

      • frankgrimes says:
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        @Grey: sweet I need a new device why you like it?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          It’s like the twist but better… Easy to control… Burns real smooth… Only like $50…

          • frankgrimes says:
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            @Grey: I find one online for $35 so I ordered it. Those itaste VTR look real nice too.

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Great price! You’ll be happy with it… I almost lost mine today, but a rabbi recovered it…Good omen!

  18. costaricanchata says:
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    @ Grey :

    best wishes to you on your special day .
    and every day thereafter .

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Thanks, O! It’s not yet, it’s Saturday, don’t rush my nuptials!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Can’t get behind Still Dre?

      • SteveNZ says:
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        @Grey: Song’s OK but it makes Pedroia comes off as trying to be ‘gangsta’.

        When he’s really just an annoying punk #notjudgingtotallyjudging

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Yeah, I hear ya…Pedroia’s a tool, but what Sawx player isn’t?

  19. SteveNZ says:
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    Stephen Drew? Not happening, Cards.

    • SteveNZ says:
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      @SteveNZ: 4-50 in the postseason, before that.

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        Yeah, when Drew’s doing it, you’re in trouble…

  20. SteveNZ says:
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    I think we can stop following along now.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Ha, stupid Sawx…

      • SteveNZ says:
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        @Grey: Regression fairies picked a bad time to visit the Cardinals.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Yeah, especially their pitching staff… Too bad this couldn’t go to 7 games… Really no reason why the Cards should’ve played this bad…

  21. J-FOH says:
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    I might have to go to Hollywood on Friday or next week. what is the best vape spot for juice selection and quality?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      The Vapor Spot on Sunset… Easily…

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Grey: sunset and what? any person I should see there?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Hmm… Sunset and Sierra Bonita maybe… Not sure… You can ask for Ace but doesn’t matter…

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