If Nick, the Podcast-Now-Radio host put on a glove, or even an oversized mitten, the Mets would move Eric Young Jr. to the bench because of how much the Mets dislike him — Young, not Nick. Sure, it helps that Nick is like seven-feet tall, but he doesn’t have any athletic ability. Now, imagine the hate for EY and multiple it by seven. That’s how much the Mets hate Ruben Tejada. He once landed on the DL with hurt feelings. The Mets tried to trade him this offseason for a closer parking spot to their stadium, and they own the parking lot so they didn’t even need it! Finally, unable to look at Tejada’s stupid face anymore, they brought up Wilmer Flores to play shortstop. In Triple-A this year, he hit 5 homers in 29 games. That’s a small sample size — that’s what she said! — but it’s nothing new for him. Last year, he hit 15 homers in 107 games; 18 homers between Double and High-A the year before, etc. etc. etc. He has better-than-average power for a middle infielder, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s worth owning in 12 team mixed leagues by the All-Star Break. For now, I’d grab him in deeper mixed leagues because Flores is ready to bloom. Pun noted and unavoidable, though I didn’t try very hard. Then in Texas they called up Rougned Odor, which only sounds like a discontinued brand of Lysol. “So, we’re thinking about a new smell to mask dirty socks. It’s the smell of rotten eggs. Yes, it’s bad, but you don’t smell socks anymore.” And then that Lysol employee was fired, sued for discrimination and was awarded two-point-six mill. Don’t you wish you’d get fired from a corporate job? That’s where it’s at! Odor is going to play 2nd base while Profar is out, which is actually the issue with Odor. Once Profar returns (in June), does Odor keep playing? Only if Odor’s hitting like .350 and spark plugging the entire team. Odor has 30-steal speed and some light power that won’t kill you in average. I like him, but if I had to bet who would get more ABs this year, I’d say Flores. But for short-term value in shallower leagues, I want Odor above Flores because speed translates quicker. Again, noted and I didn’t try to avoid it. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Joe Mauer – Could be headed to the DL. I found this funny, the usual ‘Just the facts, ma’am’ Rotoworld wrote an update the other day for Mauer, “…he’s hitting .327 with 21 runs scored over his last 25 games. Take that, haters.” Then yesterday, they were back to just the facts about Mauer’s probable DL stint. After they ranked him in the top ten overall, he’s officially in their head. Rotoworld is Damon Lindelof still dealing with vitriol over the Lost finale.
Oswaldo Arcia – Still has soreness in his wrist. Hey, Twin fans, there’s always next year!
Justin Masterson – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks. Don’t worry, Justin Masterson: Passive Aggressive Fantasy Starter figured out a way to stick it in and twist it a little by also giving up two unearned runs to the Twins, so if you looked at the box score, he still raised your blood pressure.
Michael Brantley – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer. Not only is he hitting in the three-hole, but he’s hitting well. Swoon!
Asdrubal Cabrera – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. He’s now six for his last nine, so maybe he’s finally coming out of the funk he’s been submerged in for the last two years. That ‘maybe’ is the size of Geoffrey Zakarian’s ego.
Aroldis Chapman – Has been hit hard during his minor league rehab, but his velocity has been good so I wouldn’t be too worried. It’s not like he’s returning from arm surgery. He got Gallagher’d on the melon.
Jaime Garcia – Expects to make a rehab start next week, which will also coincide with his next injury.
Chris Davis – Will take BP on Friday and will return next week. For someone with an oblique injury, he sure is specific.
Ubaldo Jimenez – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks vs. David Price (5 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks). Ubaldo’s ERA is at 4.73; Price’s ERA is at 4.53. So, Ubaldo won yesterday’s battle, but it’s still up in the air who is winning the war of attrition.
Steve Pearce – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer in the last three games. You say potato, I say short term hot schmotato.
Omar Infante – Out until at least Saturday with lower back pain. That Infante is such a baby.
Taijuan Walker – Will throw a bullpen session on Sunday. Let’s form a prayer rhombus that he’s okay after.
Hisashi Iwakuma – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks. Hisashi my dashi — slurp, SLURP!
Danny Duffy – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. Mariners. Surprised to not see more strikeouts, but this was a tailor-made start for Duffy since the Mariners are so lefty heavy. The Stream-o-Nator is pretty meh on his next start vs. the Rockies, and I’d drop the M and make it eh.
Ian Kennedy – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks and he pitchslapped Jacob Turner. A Kennedy hasn’t struck out so consistently since Teddy in the weeks following Chappaquiddick. Looks like Kennedy has figured out his issues from the last two years or he’s finally just healthy, but his K and walk rates are spectacular (10+ K/9, 2 BB/9) and they look real. His velocity has rebounded in a big way and the worst case looks like a mid-3 ERA guy and the best case is a high-2 ERA, both featuring solid Ks. I’m buying.
Giancarlo Stanton – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer. 25 to go!
Josh Beckett – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA is down to 2.80. To piggyback the previous blurb, Beckett isn’t pitching anywhere close to as well as Kennedy. Beckett obviously has better potential for wins and would be right of Kennedy on many political issues.
Adam Lind – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer as he returned from the DL. He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but if you wanna get a drop on people, you can grab him now. Well, if you’re both reading this, it’s gonna hinder your jump a bit.
Colby Rasmus – 1-for-3 and his 9th homer. Forget it, Jake, it’s a short schedule day.
Casey Janssen – Aiming to return by Sunday or Monday. I’m not even sure who is the head of the Aaron Loup, Brett Cecil and Steve Delabar Frankencloser, but it could all become moot by Monday if Casey Janssen returns, and that’s not to say he will make everyone speechless.
R.A. Dickey – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 8 Ks vs. the Phils. Between pitches, he kept looking at the dugout because he thought Sandberg was calling him, but he was calling Rollins.
Edwin Encarnacion – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and two homers. Okay, your wrist is fine, now stop. Please.
Jose Reyes – 1-for-4, 3 runs and 2 steals. It rejuvenated Reyes seeing his old NL East enemies, Howard and Utley. I’m kidding, they’re not enemies, before the game they were showing each other pics of their grandkids.
A.J. Burnett – 6 IP, 6 ER. He needs to retire and unretire this weekend to get his mojo back.
Prince Fielder – 1-for-3 and his third home run. You drank all the milk, finished all my Oreos, never got off the couch and I drafted you in the first round and you give me 3 homers? Give me five more by next Friday and maybe we’ll talk.
Matt Harrison – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks. I just got sent a Buzzfeed link about 24 reasons Matt Harrison is your dream boyfriend. Oh, wait, that’s Matt Saracen. Harrison’s not worth your time. Look at me valuing your time!
Nolan Arenado – 1-for-4 and extended his hitting streak to 28 games. Who dat? Who dat? I-G-G-Y! Sorry, that song is stuck in my head. Arenado is so fancy!
Anthony Rizzo – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. I haven’t heard many people talking in the comments about Rizzo, but y’all should own him since I ranked him about fifty spots before everyone else. Rizzo just needs a good rallying call. HR to the Rizzo obviously isn’t doing it.
Mike Olt – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 6th homer and 2nd game in a row with a homer as he hits .184. Yesterday, he homered off a righty, but that was a mirage. Mostly, you’ll just go thirsty waiting for this llama to see a lefty.
Nate Schierholtz – 2-for-4, 2 runs. I was looking at Schierholtz yesterday for a possible batty call. I ended up going with Lonnie Chisenhall — lowercase yay — but Schierholtz is sitting at zero homers and .200 and is long overdue to break out. This could be the start of something. Take note, prematurely balding men and four girl readers.
Alexei Ramirez – 4-for-5, 2 runs. Pretty crazy first month-plus for Alexei. On our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater, he’s top 20 overall. Zoinks! Or as they say in his native Cuba, Z and the sound a capitalist pig makes!
Drew Smyly – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks. Smyly’s pitching line against Houston is comparable to giving up 47 runs and 52 hits against the Rockies.
Victor Martinez – 3-for-4 and his 7th homer. Earlier today, I was standing in a telephone booth and thinking, “Why is there still a telephone booth?” when suddenly someone who looked like Victor Martinez started walking towards me with his arms outstretched and I screamed, “Zombino!”
Dallas Keuchel – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks. His win potential is like your marriage potential, but his peripherals look mighty, mighty tasty. Or prettttay, prettttay good, depending on what season of Curb you’re rewatching on HBO Go. His K-rate is 8.2, walk rate is 2.3 and his xFIP is 2.85. He’s not doing it with straight gas, so there’s risk involved. He needs people to chase his stuff, but they have been and hitting the ball into the ground other times (66% GB rate). He’s an ideal streamer in mixed leagues because no one will think about owning him, so I’d pick him up for his next start, then drop him, then rinse and repeat. Even if the Stream-o-Nator is merely yawn on him.
Carlos Corporan – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 3rd homer. Is it just me or do you see the box score saying C Corporan and think, “I wonder if he’s in the same platoon as Sgt. Slaughter?” Okay, maybe it is me.
L.J. Hoes – 3-for-3, 1 run. They were slap hits because Hoes is looking for payback.
George Springer – 1-for-3, 2 runs as he hit his first MLB home run. Most exciting thing to happen to Astroland since Lance Berkman ate his last clubhouse Twinkie. Someone get Crane and Luhnow on the line. Got a great idea for a promotion — The G-Spring. There’s a picture of George Springer on the front and, just like a G-string, it has the unenviable task of covering up a gaping stinkhole.