I just want to put it out there, I love Eric Young Jr. I have a plan in place to have Prince Fielder have a long discussion Eric Young Jr. about nogoodnik fathers and step in as EY Jr.’s surrogate. We will vacation in Orlando and try faux exotic foods at Epcot, like Greek and Spanish. When Eric Young Jr. Jr. needs someone to go to the PTA meetings, I will be there. When Erica Young needs a date to a cousin’s wedding or something, the tux will be rented, the corsage will be picked from a neighbor’s yard and the Drakkar will be spritzed. I will be Sandra Bullock and Eric Young will be my very own Michael Oher. (BTW, I liked The Blind Side better when it was called Diff’rent Strokes.) And if that doesn’t all work out as planned, I’ll own him in fantasy for steals. Don’t you people need some MI speed? Own him. Now. Chop-chop. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week:
Jose Tabata – I mentioned to Rudy I was going to do a Buy lead-in with Jose Tabata and he said, “That’s about as dated as your mustache.” But, Rudy, he’s hitting near-.500 over the last week with steals and a little pop and he’s only owned in 23% of ESPN leagues. Rudy, “You running for President of the Jose Tabata Fan Club?” Yes, yes I am.
Cameron Maybin – Who knew I’d recommend him? Show of hands. Okay, you can put your hands down now. “Teach, I just want to go to the bathroom.”
Scott Podsednik – Manny’s about to exit stage left and Pods will get playing time again. SAGNOF!
Austin Kearns – Number two of interchangeable Yankee DHs. You can’t own either (or both, for that matter) without having an extra bench bat. They don’t play every day, but when they do play they can give you HRs and RBIs.
Koji Uehara – Now for the SAGNOF portion of our program.
Evan Meek – I wouldn’t go two deep for saves in Pittsburgh unless I were in a dogfight for points in the saves category. Meek and Hanrahananananan may only get a total of 4 saves between them in the whole month of September.
Ivan Nova – With Javy Vazquez moving to the bullpen until TBA, Nova moves into the rotation until TBA. Nova had more than an adequate time in Triple-A this year (2.86 ERA, 1.26 WHIP, 7+ K/9). On the Yankees he should be serviceable and get some Wins, but there’s always a chance he drops something in your drink and you wake up walking like you were just jumping hurdles.
Jordan Zimmermann – The pitch count restrictions worry me a bit with Zimmermann. Do you need a starter to go 5 IP and give up 2 ER and walk away with a no-decision? I don’t. I have plenty of those guys on my staff. Though Zimmermann is a must own in deep keepers.
Daniel Hudson – Stop me if you’ve heard me tout him–
Kila Ka’aihue – Big Time Masher, Poi! The Good Eyein’ Hawaiian! Mauna Kila! Choose your own nickname, and grab him if you’re hurting at corner infidel.
Mike Moustakas – He appeared in the 2010 September call-ups post. There I said, “Has a cool… …gyro recipe… …and a picture of …Mr. Bungles… Keep effing that chicken…” Hmm… Could’ve pulled a more coherent quote.
Dustin Ackley – Also, appeared in that September call-ups post. I’m not very high on Ackley right now, but he should be owned in AL-Only and keeper leagues at this point.
Todd Helton – Trying to find something positive to say about him… Dang, whatever. He’s hitting, that’s all I got.
Juan Uribe – He gets absurdly hot at times and he’s coming off two straight games with a homer. Since he has shortstop eligibility, he probably should be owned anyway.
Jhonny Peralta – I’ll probably write an entire post about this. For now, shorthand. It’s practically September. You can’t hold underperforming guys and let hot hitters sit on waivers. Is Silent H a great player? Nope, but he’s hot.
Stephen Drew – Has 7 homers in August. That’s two off the major league lead in homers for this month. That’s one more homer than Tulo and Holliday combined.
Ryan Raburn – I told you to pick him up in the July 30th Buy/Sell. This is the fourth week in a row I’ve told you to pick him up. Do you hear me?! Don’t make me come back there!
Mike Stanton – Drop him, he looks like the K’ing of Wishful Swings right now. Obviously you ignore said advice in keepers.
Nick Markakis – I think I’ve already mentioned dropping him, but here he is again because I hate him and his stupid face. You thought Loney’s season numbers were bad; check out Markakis. 8 homers and 6 steals with a .287 average. It’s an impostor in his body — Dick Fartakis.
Stephen Strasburg – The pitcher whose stuff is so inspirational that both his first and last names start with St. looks like he’ll be martyring his 2011 season. Evidently he’s mortal because he needs Dr. Freeze to save his ulnar collateral ligament. Yup, the dreaded Tommy John surgery. If you have him in a keeper league, put on some Sting, shed the necessary tears for the pitcher you love, and then set him free. But try to snag him for a low bid next year’s draft so you can get keeper rights for 2012.