Hanley Ramirez said he wasn’t lollygagging after the ball. I see his point. You can’t chase after the ball. You kick the ball to the curb, neg it then hope the ball comes back to you. That’s Pickup Artist Rules 101. Hanley was benched yesterday and now there’s talk he may get traded. Fredi said, “We don’t want the game played like that in front of our fans.” Insert your “There are no Marlin fans” joke here. I don’t think he’s traded away. In fact, I think all this shizz blows over in a day or so. What are the Marlins going to do? Trade away their best player? As someone in the audience of Jerry Springer might say, “Pay first month on that puh-lease.” Fredi Gonzalez will be out of job before Hanley gets traded. Hanley being Manny and the Marlins will learn to deal with it. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Cameron Maybin – Hit his 2nd homer of the year. That’s so Maybin!
Grady Sizemore – Had an MRI on his knee. Know why? Cause they can’t do an MRI on his bat.
Andre Ethier – Placed on the DL as lispers everywhere mourn. But his name was Ethier to say! My guess is he’ll miss close to a month.
Shaun Marcum – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks. Has been incredible so far this year. ERA at 2.61, WHIP’s at 0.97 as he leads the AL in innings. He gets the Diamondbacks next in the no-DH, swing-friendly desert. Yes, please.
Edwin Encarnacion – Hit a home run in his first at-bat back. He’s fine in deep leagues as a stopgap, but when Snider returns in ten days, Edwin will lose playing time to Bautista. To paraphrase, you Edwin some, you lose some.
David Price – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks. His 1.81 ERA is a bit of a mirage obviously, but he can be a good one for a long time to come.
Trevor Hoffman – Don’t you love when a guy’s ERA and WHIP says INF and INF? That’s short for infested. As in, my pitching was fine today except for the Trevor Hoffman infestation. The Brewers could go to Villanueva or Coffey, in that order. They should. Will they is a whole different story. They may ask Hoffman to go to the Disgraceful List to save face and my ERA and WHIP. Then again, I can’t believe the Brewers have stuck with Hoffman as long as they have, so really what do I know? Besides where you live. That’s me standing behind you. Hey!
Casey McGehee – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs with his first steal of the year. Now only 3 RBIs away from leading the NL. Considering his lineup and where he hits in it, it’s not completely fluky. That’s assuming RBIs aren’t fluky, of course.
Austin Jackson – 1-for-4, as he bats .329. His average has now dropped about 50 points since I made him a Sell. It’s your team, friend.
Carlos Quentin – 3-for-4 with 2 RBIs after getting almost a week off for unsportsmanlike behavior. You know, not hitting, fielding, running or anything else from his sport.
Andres Torres – 2-for-5 with a homer yesterday, but that’s not his bag. It’s steals. Who is he? He’s the guy who’s playing every day in the Giants outfield while batting 2nd. So why don’t you know him? Because he’s 32 years old. When you don’t know a guy that’s 32, you wonder where he’s been, right? The minors. On and off since 1998. He’ll get exploited soon, but he’s a source of steals while he’s hitting.
Jason Donald – 2-for-3 in his major league debut. He batted ninth, which makes sense since the Indians have Trevor Crowe and Mark Grudzielmacallit at the top of the order. Can’t break those two up. They’re like peas and carrots. Over boiled, unsalted peas and carrots that you wouldn’t feed to the dog. In the case of Sooner vs. Later, Jason Donald should move up the order.
Carlos Zambrano – Lou Piniella said, “We moved Zambrano to the bullpen because he had a 7.40 ERA. He now has 7.07 ERA. So that worked as well as everything else I’ve done this year. I am Sweet Lou. Now pray to my sweetness.” The preceding wasn’t an exact quote. So Z’s moving back to the rotation. Z magnifique? Nope. Z adequate? Yup. I said I wouldn’t own him in the preseason, ended up drafting him then dropped him. I’m not rushing out to grab him again. Z you later!
Luke Scott – Yesterday, he hit his 5th and 6th homers since May 8th. He has 9 homers overall. He won’t have value for longer than two or three weeks, so if you want/need power, Scott is providing it right now. Now go take your emoticons and pick him up.
Corey Patterson – Hit his 2nd homer of the year (he only has, like, 25 ABs). Patterson’s one of the streakiest hitters out there. After Luke Scott, of course. And that, sir, is no slander. You want slander? Luke Scott and Corey Patterson usually suck dog balls.
Kevin Millwood – 8 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 7 Ks. I grabbed him in one league for his two start week. (He gets the Nats in his next start. It’s a’ight in most H2H leagues.)
Felix Hernandez – 6 IP, 3 ER, 14 baserunners, 6 Ks. Lately, F-Her has been more like F-Me. Someone in the comments yesterday mentioned F-Her might be battling a sore back. It could be since his WHIP is out of control right now. Not normal for him.
Kris Medlen – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks. Actually pitched better than the line shows. Medlen made only two mistakes and coasted through 5 of 6 innings.
Zack Greinke – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks as he was appropriately enough Greinke’d!
Tyler Clippard – Took the loss as he moves to a 7-3 record. Starting pitchers who have not missed a start only have 9 starts. Clippard’s got ten decisions! Yes, my voice is cracking right now like Tim Kurkjian.
Juan Miranda – The not-so-young Yankee rookie hit a homer yesterday. After the homer, Miranda doffed his fruit basket to the crowd. He’s a bit old for prospect status, but if the Yankees slot him in at DH for an extended period of time, he could hit some homers. Right now, it’s not clear he’ll have every day time. Fine in AL-Only leagues, I’d wait a bit in mixed leagues.
Jhoulys Chacin – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks. He gets the Royals next and that’s tough to pass up, but after that game I’ll probably say you shouldn’t own him in any mixed leagues. You’ve been served!
Carlos Lee – 2-for-4 and his 2nd homer in 3 games. First, Quentin now the other Latino Chuck is clicking. Don’t think Carlos Lee is anything more than a 25 homer, .270 hitter, but considering how bad he’s been, you’ll take it.
Felipe Lopez – Homered as he hit leadoff. He’ll probably stay at the top of the order since no one else is hitting on the Cards and La Russa’s not crazy/drunk enough to bat the pitcher leadoff. Or is he?
Torii Hunter – Now has 2 homers in 2 games. Must be heating up in Texas aka Coors South.
Jered Weaver – 4 2/3 IP, 7 ER. I was thinking I should bench him because of Arlington and the Rangers scare me. Unfortunately, I went with the bold move to start him. Stupid nads.
C.J. Wilson – 4 1/3 IP, 7 ER. You had to kinda figure the 1.48 ERA wasn’t gonna hold all year. If you didn’t, you should read this. Wilson may quickly become a guy you only want to start on the road. Am I seeing the future? Yes. Enjoy your Beef ‘n Macaroni at lunch. No, that’s not a hair. It’s yarn.
Roy Halladay – 9 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks as the Pirates beat him. Ladies and gentlemen, you’re traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind; a journey into a wondrous land where Carlos Silva wins his fifth game and the Pirates beat Roy Halladay — Next stop, The Twilight Zone!
Josh Beckett – Left the game with the same back problems that forced him to miss a start earlier in the season. Chris Berman would diagnose Beckett with “back, back, back” problems.