Donald Trump has a hat that says, “Make America Great Again!” Bryce Harper has a hat that says, “Make Baseball Fun Again!” I have a fedora with a feather in it that came from a bird who was wearing a tiny hat that says, “Let’s Make Fantasy Baseball Fun Again!” So let’s!
- The last place finisher in your league has to keep Kirk Nieuwenhuis in their starting outfield every day the following season.
- One-sided trades will be dealt with by keying one-side of the victor’s car and inscribing “Carlos Martinez > Bud Norris” into the driver’s door.
- Freak out about your players and have a fire sale before May 1st? The name of your team is immediately changed to “The Joe Paniks.”
- If you punt a category, everyone in your league gets to kick you whenever they see you.
- Trades can include girlfriends (if you have one) and Fatheads (if you don’t).
- Inside-the-parkers count as three home runs.
- League consists of only middle relievers, middle infielders and players who look like they live in Middle Earth like Evan Gattis.
- New category: Bat flip: drug suspension ratio.
- Let Kobe qualify at second base.
- Instead of a draft all players names written on ping-pong balls, spit out by lottery machine.
- Subtract one point for each illegal slide.
- From now on Gregor Blanco, Andres Blanco and Henry Blanco count as one player.
- Twenty consecutive at bats and you automatically become a free agent.
- No more platooning. Get better players!
- Tiebreaker determined by number of team’s Tommy John surgeries.
- Tyler White is every team’s first baseman.