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Donald Trump has a hat that says, “Make America Great Again!” Bryce Harper has a hat that says, “Make Baseball Fun Again!” I have a fedora with a feather in it that came from a bird who was wearing a tiny hat that says, “Let’s Make Fantasy Baseball Fun Again!” So let’s!

  1. The last place finisher in your league has to keep Kirk Nieuwenhuis in their starting outfield every day the following season.
  2. One-sided trades will be dealt with by keying one-side of the victor’s car and inscribing “Carlos Martinez > Bud Norris” into the driver’s door.
  3. Freak out about your players and have a fire sale before May 1st? The name of your team is immediately changed to “The Joe Paniks.”
  4. If you punt a category, everyone in your league gets to kick you whenever they see you.
  5. Trades can include girlfriends (if you have one) and Fatheads (if you don’t).
  6. Inside-the-parkers count as three home runs.
  7. League consists of only middle relievers, middle infielders and players who look like they live in Middle Earth like Evan Gattis.
  8. New category: Bat flip: drug suspension ratio.
  9. Let Kobe qualify at second base.
  10. Instead of a draft all players names written on ping-pong balls, spit out by lottery machine.
  11. Subtract one point for each illegal slide.
  12. From now on Gregor Blanco, Andres Blanco and Henry Blanco count as one player.
  13. Twenty consecutive at bats and you automatically become a free agent.
  14. No more platooning. Get better players!
  15. Tiebreaker determined by number of team’s Tommy John surgeries.
  16. Tyler White is every team’s first baseman.