Can’t decide if Roger Bernadina sounds like a park bench real estate agent or a telemarketer. Hey, this is Roger Bernadina– Hey, Roger, I’m in the middle of dinner. I’ll be quick. I just want to inform you that I’m hitting and stealing bases. Okay, is that it? There’s also this great timeshare in Santa Fe that I’d love for you to check out. Bernadina has been a top 20 fantasy producer for the last two weeks and top 15 for the last week. He has 25 steal speed (over a full year), so he can help you in that department even if the power tails off. The power is the odd thing here. He’s never shown this kind of power in the minors, but, at 26-years-old, maybe his power is just developing. It’s all neither here nor there at this point in the season. He’s hitting and should be owned. BTW, for the 3 people who got the title of this post, Eric Ripert thinks Bernadina’s a little fishy but you can’t be picky when it comes to 20/20 OFs. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Aroldis Chapman – Rumors suggest he throws 105 MPH. If I drove my high school car, a Hyundai, 105 MPH, it would’ve exploded. So if Aroldis could throw a Hyundai, he could make it explode. Eat some of that pretzel logic! Oh, and own Aroldis in keepers. He’ll be great until his arm falls off and then goes back to Cuba for their superior health care in Sicko II.
Carlos Carrasco – I’m actually a fan of Carrasco, but in September I have bigger fish to fry than starting an Indians pitcher who could blow up in my face. In AL-Only leagues, I’d start him reluctantly.
Jordan Zimmermann – His first start was the worst case scenario, his next start was the best case scenario. He’ll probably end up somewhere in the middle like Malcolm and Monie Love.
Xavier Nady – Not sure why the Cubs aren’t at least giving Hoffpauir a chance, but trying to understand the moves some major league teams make is like trying to understand a David Lynch film. Nady’s currently hitting and starting.
Koji Uehara – SAGNOF!
Matt Lindstrom – I’d own Lyon too, so this isn’t an either or scenario. It’s a play it by ear scenario, something Van Gogh wasn’t so good at.
Jhonny Peralta – When I looked up Peralta’s current stats, I noticed something. He’s earning $4.85 million this year. I understand paying millions of dollars to big name stars. Or at least I can understand the argument behind it. They fill the stands with fans. They sell jerseys, they make the club money, yadda3. When was the last time you ever heard anyone say, “I really want to go see Jhonny Peralta play?” I propose fans have a say in contract negotiations or arbitration. Every time a player is up for a new contract, the fans get 50% of the say in how much they should be paid. Imagine how differently a player would play if they had to win the fans’ love. You think they would hustle? Not throw balls at fans a’la Nyjer Morgan? Play even when they’re a little dinged up? Could players artificially inflate their salaries by kissing up to the fans? Sure, but what’s wrong with a little kissing up? Sycophant me! Anyway, without the shortstop eligibility, Peralta would be as necessary as that Silent H in his name, but he’s currently hitting.
Drew Stubbs – Stealing bases, though by the time you read this he may be back in one of his patented 0-for-45 slumps. His BBQ is still to die for.
Brad Hawpe – Don’t cha just love Hawpe?! No? Yeah, I don’t either. If you’re desperate for power, hire A-Rod’s cousin to track down all the players on your team and trip into them with a syringe. If that doesn’t work, grab Hawpe, but keep in mind he won’t start vs. lefties.
Michael Morse – The Pride of Ft. Lauderdale (unless you count all of their homegrown actors — Ft. Lauderdale aka “I Hardly Know Her Dale.”) has found a place for himself in the every day lineup and he’s hitting for power. I don’t think it lasts, but get in while the gettin’s good.
Alfredo Simon/Mike Gonzalez – Koji’s the closer, so unless you’re in dire need of saves, I’d lose these two schmohawks.
Adam Jones – This year he’s looked about as good as Jordan’s Hitler mustache and now he’s hurt.
Jason Kubel – Not sure what eggs you have in your outfield basket, but this egg’s got salmonella. And now he has a wrist issue. (BTW, I’m waiting for someone to name their daughter Salmonella. You know it’s coming.)
Ian Stewart – I wanted more from Mini-Mini Donkey, but I’ll continue to argue he wasn’t bad for a 2nd baseman. Now, he’s hurt and there’s no reason to wait around for him to return. I’m pouring out some MGD for MMD.