In the first act, some creepy kid runs into frame, mumbling, “I see blown saves.” I know Ryan Madson is a Cuddle Boy, but don’t drop him yet. Sorry to get Biblical on you, but hast thou forgotten the wrath Brad Lidge hast broust on ye past teams? Please. Give Lidge a week before abandoning Madson. Lidge is like a “1000 Dollar Car” as sung by the Bottle Rockets. Google the lyrics if you don’t know the song but in summation, “If a $1000 car was truly worth a damn, then why would anybody ever spend ten grand?” Let shizz shake out first before you act rash, talcum. There’s time to drop Madson. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Evan Meek – Recorded the 3 up, 3 down save yesterday as Dotel was out sleeping with your sister. Don’t worry, Dotel’s days of ruining your ERA and WHIP aren’t over yet. Meek was only used because Dotel had pitched two innings the day before (beautifully, I might add). To recap, handcuffs across the Brewers, Pirates and Rangers: Frank-Frank, Meek, Villanueva and the guy at Subway who gives you the skeeves, in that order. Hoffman, Dotel and Feliz, in that order, should all still be owned.
Carlos Beltran – Was fitted for a knee brace hoping it accelerates his rehab. Here’s me putting on my stethoscope. If a guy needs to be fitted with a knee brace to help his recovery, it’s not a good sign. This is like trying to make a girl jealous by going to the movies with your mom.
Paul Konerko – 2-for-3 as he hit his 9th and 10th homers. Paulie’s bonkers right now. Truly, Paulie Walnuts. I say he gets to 30 homers and there’s really no reason why you need to unload him. Just think you got Adrian Gonzalez in the last round of your draft. Open a Michelob and celebrate.
Gavin Floyd – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks. I liked Floyd coming into this year. Before yesterday, Nadir Bupkus looked better and he’s an imaginary hitter. Floyd’s FIP is out of whack with his ERA as of right now. He should continue to be better.
Carlos Quentin – Sat out Thursday and won’t play Friday with hamstring soreness. This guy is made of paper-mache.
Alexei Ramirez – 1-for-3 and a steal. Rudy pushed for me to put Alexei in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell, so he’ll be there. BTW, Ozzie had him bunting with two men on and no outs and Pierre up next. Here’s what Ozzie tweeted, “Team sucks. Bunt guys over for the 2000 All-Stars, Andruw and Konerko. Someone get me Andres Galarraga! Me gusto El Gato Grande!”
Josh Hamilton – 3-for-4 and looks like he’s finally seeing the ball well. Sure, it’s a month late, but there’s still plenty of time for him.
Justin Smoak – 2-for-4, HR. Mentioned the other day that I slotted in Inge on a short schedule day and got two homers. Well, on a different team I have Smoak and he’s been riding my bench since I picked him up because A) I have enough hitters. B) He hasn’t hit. C) There’s no C. There’s rarely a C. So yesterday with the short schedule, guess who got into my lineup? Booyakasha! I am a mustachioed God!
Jair Jurrjens – Left the game with a strained left hamstring. The good news, it wasn’t his arm. The bad news, he’s still injured, his FIP last year showed he was lucky, he doesn’t strikeout people and his arm is still a reason for concern. Okay, so the good news and bad news aren’t exactly even.
Kris Medlen – Took the ball for three innings after Jar-Jar went down. If Jurrjens can’t come back and Medlen gets his starts, he would be worth owning in NL-Only and deep mixed leagues.
Yunel Escobar – Yunel strained his groin trying to go big fly. *snickers*
David Freese – 3-for-3, homer and 6 RBIs. It’s a been awhile since I’ve talked about him, so I’ll just tell you what I said last time, “(Freese) hits .300 everywhere he goes (in the minors) and he has 20 homer power. Before you scoff like you’re some Victorian bigwig, those numbers may not be that far off from Butler at a shallower position.” And that’s me copying and pasting me!
Kurt Suzuki – Probably headed to the DL with a strain of the intercostal. Isn’t that the highway in Florida? Weird!
Justin Duchscherer – Well, I tried to get everyone on board before he was injured again, but his wonky hip hit its capacity. You can wait to hear how long he’ll miss, but I would just drop him if you’re hard-pressed for room.
Justin Morneau – Staying in the Justin genre, Morneau sat out with a sore back. He hopes to return by today’s game. We shall see…
John Buck – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs with 3 homers yesterday. Buck dedicated this game to his nieces and nephew for teaching him responsibility while he was babysitting.
Luke Hochevar – 2 2/3 IP, 9 ER and now has a 6.11 ERA on the year and there’s the reason why I was so hesitant to endorse him. Sometimes he can be absolutely miserable.
Robinson Cano – 2 more homers as he now bats .407. We better put Ted Williams’ head out on the counter now, because things are never right when you defrost in the microwave.
A.J. Burnett – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks. I own Burnett in a few leagues, so I’m more than happy with his year so far, but where’s the Ks? He now has 33 1/3 innings and only 20 Ks.
Everth Cabrera – EverCab has been dealing with a hamstring strain for days and trying to avoid the DL. At one point, Kyle Blanks volunteered to put him in a Baby Bjorn and play short. Alas, EverCab to the 15-day DL.
Ted Lilly – 5 IP, 6 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks in his last rehab start.
Adam LaRoche – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs with two homers. How dare you show up Kelly Johnson! Rudy had much love for Ad. LaRoche going into this year, saying that he might’ve started cold in past years because, well, he was cold. As in he needed mittens. In Arizona, that could change everything. So far, Rudy’s looking like he might’ve been onto something even if this game was in Chicago.
Ian Kennedy – 8 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks. Was only hurt by a grand slam to Fukudome, but that is sorta Kennedy’s M.O. Still ownable and startable and yadda2, but he gives up homers.
Kelly Johnson – 4-for-5, 3 RBIs, 1 Run, 1 Life-Threatening Disease Cured and a homer. After he hit his homer, I went into the comments and wrote something giddy and after I posted it I realized something. After I comment when I’m happy, my picture looks like I’m smiling. After I comment when I’m upset, my picture looks like I’m frowning. I’m Mona Lisa!