Watching Luis Castillo is officially an ASMR trigger. *insert onomatopoeia of satisfied exhale, picks up invisible fork and knife, mimes cutting up satisfied exhale, eats exhale* Do you see how Castillo’s got me? I’m eating satisfied exhales. Can I write the 2018 fantasy baseball sleeper post right now for Luis Castillo? TFW you see Castillo: Insert Oprah’s o face around Gayle King. CASTILLO MAKING ME CRAZY! And not eating sugar for six days isn’t helping. This Whole30 Diet got me like: insert crazy-googly eyes. I got Biggie Smalls eyes right now. *smacks face* Be coherent, Grey! Sorry, about that. Yesterday, Luis Castillo went 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.12. His surface perfs: 9.9 K/9, 3.2 BB/9, 3.40 xFIP, averages 98 MPH, and now I’m lightheaded again. Okay, need to save something for his 2018 sleeper post. As for this year, this was his last start, unless you count Strat-o-Matic starts I’m making with him all winter. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Billy Hamilton – Done for the season after fracturing his hand on a bunt attempt. Emo Hipster, “That’s odd, I just gave Hamilton a hand because of his modernization of the American democratic ideals through a rap musical.” Oh, shut up, Emo Hipster!
Zack Cozart – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 18th homer, hitting .303. Serious projection that will never happen due to health: Cozart will get 550 ABs one year, and hit 27 HRs and .290.
Jose Peraza – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (5) and legs (20), hitting .260. With Hamilton out, I grabbed Peraza in a few places — not like that! Swervin’ P. Ervin could also see more time. By the way, it’s gonna be hard to not be back in on Peraza next year with what I’m assuming will be a reduced price tag.
Chris Archer – Aiming to return this weekend. We’ll see if Archer’s aim is a bull’s eye or bullshit.
Blake Snell – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA up to 4.36. Yeah, but no walks! *sees reaction, slowly walks out of room, realizes that I’ve slowly walked out a window* Oooooooooooooops! Stream-o-Nator likes his next start, but I’ve lost all faith in
Lucas Duda – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 28th homer, and his 3rd homer in the last four games, screaming, “It’s DOODE-A, not DUD-A!” I’d obviously grab him for some power, and crazy exclamations.
Evan Longoria – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 18th homer. Hey, at least I didn’t predict an MVP for him this year.
Kevin Kiermaier – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer. That homer came off Buddy Boshers. If Buddy Boshers doesn’t make you giggle, check out his Google images. Also, I’m told Buddy Boshers is a relief pitcher for the Twins, not a Big Brother program for bullies.
Brian Dozier – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 29th homer, and 2nd homer in the last three games. Doesn’t matter if Dozier is French for sleep; he’s definitely woke.
Khris Davis – 2-for-3 and his 39th homer, hitting .239. The quietest 40-homer hitter in the majors every year? As quiet as the H in his name, says Ghrey.
Chris Hatcher – 1 IP, 0 ER and the save. This is likely nothing since Treinen’s been overworked, but Treinen’s also been underwhelming, so it’s worth keeping a small monocle on your tiny cyclops. Ew.
Albert Pujols – Sent back to Anaheim for treatment on his sore knee. A sore née for Pujols would be something else entirely.
Tyler Skaggs – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.71. Damn, Skaggs is so Boz. What? No good? Okay, nap time! *claps hands* Five seconds of sleep, and I already feel better! Yesterday’s start was an easy matchup, Skaggs’s next one is not.
Aroldis Chapman – Girardi said Chapman will likely resume closer duties today. Well, he better, otherwise his LinkedIn profile is all lies! I would hold Betances and Robertson for the time being too.
Walker Buehler – As announced on our podcast on Tuesday, Walker Buehler was called up from the minors. Prospector Ralph just put him in his top 10 pitching prospects, but Buehler is nothing but a bullpen arm for this call-up. Assuming Buehler shows up when Rooney calls his name.
Lance McCullers – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks as he was activated from the DL. I was expecting either great or awful. Now, I have no idea what to do with him. What do you do with this? This 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER means nothing. Ugh, I guess hold him for another start, but I have no more or less confidence in him.
Cameron Maybin – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, and 2nd in as many games, though he came in as a pinch hitter. Can he crack the everyday lineup? Seems unlikely, but just Maybin.
Kyle Seager – 1-for-4 and his 22nd homer, and third homer in three games. Someone doing his Septacular best.
Reynaldo Lopez – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.84. Actually a solid start against a streamrollin’ Indians club. Indians right now are like, “Yo, Chief Wahoo, do your ‘The Other Team Ain’t Shizz’ Dance.” So hard to recommend Lopez though with his 4 BB/9. Dangerous, yo.
Carlos Carrasco – 9 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners (zero walks), 9 Ks, ERA at 3.53. For the record (literally), the Indians don’t really need Chief Wahoo’s dance. Right now, on our 30-day Player Rater, there’s three Indians pitchers in the top 10. At the time of yesterday’s game, Carrasco wasn’t even the 2nd best one. (But check out Patrick Corbin, dizzamn).
Carlos Santana – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 23rd homer. Looks like Carlos Santana is going Supernatural at the exact right time for H2H playoffs. I bet in H2H leagues, he’s on, like, his fifth team by now.
Johnny Cueto – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.43. This start in Coors was so everyone that owned Cueto for his hideous 1st half would throw their hands up in disgust and wave ’em like they really don’t care.
Joe Panik – 5-for-6, 3 runs, 2 RBIs, hitting .285. Joe Panik? More like Joe Waiting For His Pitch! No? Okay. Panik’s good, when someone yells fire, and in Coors. Maybe he can carry the Silver Bullet to his next series, but I wouldn’t count on it.
Ender Inciarte – 5-for-8, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .309. Damn, Ender loves himself some doubleheaders like I love Jennifer Connelly’s ender in a doubleheader.
Luiz Gohara – 4 IP, 6 ER in his first start. People were comparing him to a young CC, but looked more like a present-day CC. Wonder what future-day CC will look like, surely not Tiny Tim.
Elvis Andrus – 5-for-9, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and an Ernie Banks slam (20) and legs (24), hitting .305 Andrus is the type of player that makes fantasy baseball so much fun in the preseason. He was there for everyone to draft. Shoot (not you Dick Cheney!), you could’ve traded for him in April or May for next to no cost. Yet, no one predicted this breakout, and he’s having the year you were hoping from Villar, Bogaerts, Addison Russell, Lindor, Corey Seager or even Correa! Just as there was a Villar last year and an Andrus this year, there will be someone else next year. It’s not only landing them in your draft or off waivers, but it’s having the faith in holding them. Sounds much easier than it is. It’s 4-D chess, snitches!
Nomar Mazara – 3-for-9 and his 18th homer, but left with quad tightness. O. Henry, couldn’t you have just taken his comb?
Dillon Peters – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.25 thru two starts. The book on him is less than impressive. It’s more like a pamphlet at a Chamber of Commerce than a book. Results so far have been stellar. Or if Tennessee Williams is reading, stelllllllllllar.
Ryan Zimmerman – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 31st homer. Member three months ago we made a wager to guess the date Zimmerman would hit the DL and someone Price is Right’d us by guessing no DL? I’m gonna owe that person a t-shirt.
Michael Taylor – 2-for-3 and his 14th homer, hitting .262. You ain’t no pork roll, son, you’re Taylor H.A.M.!
Gerrit Cole – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.93 vs. Jose Quintana – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.32. Visual metaphor of these two pitchers yesterday: Your room is a complete mess, then 30 seconds later it’s totally clean. If one were to look down, they’d see your bed is levitating off the ground because everything’s been shoved under it.
Salvador Perez – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 23rd and 24th homer, and three homers in last three games. Looks like his fans, The Salvy Army, a bunch of guys wearing second-hand clothes that don’t quite fit, have something to cheer again.
Alcides Escobar – 4-for-5, 2 runs, and a home run two games ago. Hot schmotato alert!
Juan Nicasio – Cardinals acquired him from the Phillies for an infielder prospect, Eliezer Alvarez, after the Pirates got nothing for Nicasio. Pirates got played real bad here, didn’t they? Like when you’re dating a girl and you break up and she starts dating your friend, and you’re back with your hand. I think this makes the Pirates jerk-offs. I wouldn’t be shocked if Nicasio sees some saves in St. Louis, since they don’t seem tied to any of the relievers they have. Yesterday, Tyler Lyons (1 IP, 0 ER) got the save, but he could be in the 7th, 8th or 9th inning in the next game.
Dinelson Lamet – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.32. I streamed him yesterday and dropped him before the game ended. I streamed him because, as we know, Petco takes the whacks off for Dinaleson.
Jack Flaherty – 5 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 6.00. Man, Flaherty will get you nowhere.
Nick Williams – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .274. If I would’ve told you through his first two months of the season, he’d be hitting third with 9 HRs, 40 RBIs while hitting .275, I think you would’ve been excited about Williams. I get the sense no one cares. Aw, Nick Williams is a No Care Bear.
Doug Fister – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.91. In six weeks, he’s lowered his ERA from 6.75. In August, his ERA was 3.71 with a .214 BAA. In September, his ERA is 1.29. Underlying stats aren’t exactly saying it’s a total fluke either. Around a 3.60 xFIP in last two months. As any man oozing machismo would say, I don’t trust a Fister, but he’s got a fighting chance for Quality Starts the rest of the way.
Jackie Bradley Jr. – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and a slam (15) and legs (8), as he bats ninth, hitting .257. This guy will be interesting next year. Predominant feeling on him I imagine will be 2016 was a fluke, and 2017 showed his bread & butter is 0-for-0’s with three walks.
Roberto Osuna – Blue Jays’ acting manager, DeMarlo Hale, said Osuna would stay the closer. Lee Strasberg, Jays’ acting coach, said, “Right now, you’re not the closer. You’re the search history of someone who owns you in fantasy. You’re all those doubts asking Google, ‘Is Osuna still the closer?’ Stop it! Be the closer!”