How about them White Sox?! Yeah, they chucked in the pale towel sometime between Ozzie Guillen’s Monday outburst and Ozzie Guillen’s Tuesday outburst of this week. One of the pieces them grabbed that was hailed by many as being a stroke of genius was Jake Peavy. Yeah, the Padres actually made a good trade there as Peavy struggles with an elbow injury. Another piece, Alex Rios. I think even Jessica Shaw would concur Rios is so fifteen minutes ago. He’s batting a cool .156 for the Sox with one homer and one steal. Those stats are also known as Less Than What Drew Stubbs Did Any Day This Week. You drafted Rios pretty high, I’m sure. It didn’t work out. Holding him is compounding your mistake. Anyway, here’s so other players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Brad Penny – For Christmas, I want a Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle! But I’ll settle for pitching in the NL.
Barry Zito – No, anyone but Zito! Has a 1.92 ERA since the ASB. But please keep in mind his last blow out was a 4 1/3 IP, 9 ER game vs. the Padres. So at any time, at any place he could say to you he just ran over your dog, Arfer Woofruff.
Brian Duensing/Jeff Manship – Why doesn’t Manship give his name a LaRoche-type flair? A’la ManShip. Much better, right? Then DuenSing… Well, that kinda looks like an Asian prison name. These guys may burn you like chlamydia, but if you need to take match-up chances with AL pitchers, I’d take them here.
Buster Posey – This is more about keepers. Not girls that can tell you Carney Lansford’s career batting average. Fantasy baseball keepers.
Wade Davis – Same as above. Go ahead, shift your eyes up. Too lazy? Okay. I’d only go after Davis in keepers. Or, of course, AL-Only leagues.
Tim Hudson – 5 IP, 2 ER. (<–Probable pitching line) Act like you know, MC Lyte.
Phil Hughes – If Mariano has to miss time to prep for the playoffs, Hughes would probably get the majority of the saves.
Juan Gutierrez – SAGNOF! I’d even grab Zavada and Vasquez in leagues where I’m really hurting for saves.
Brett Myers – I see Myers getting up to 3 saves in September, so think about how bad you need those 3 saves.
Brandon Allen – Strictly for power and in deep leagues. He hit two homers in the last week and a third was robbed by Andre Ethier’s Mom’s son.
Casey McGehee – 3 HRs and 9 RBIs in the last four games. Unfortunately, he doesn’t steal any bases, but if you need MI pop, there ya go.
Felix Pie – I’ve mentioned him so much in the last few days, I got Pee-ay coming out my ears. If you haven’t heard me mention him, where ya been? Vacay? That’s nice. Hope you SPF’d the proper areas. Skin damage is only cool when you’re under 25.
Andy Marte – Loving me some Marte in some leagues. Why, Grey? Do tell, you *pinkie to mouth* Smarte. Sure, random italicized voice. 3 homers in the last 7 games for Marte. Added bonus: No relation to Damaso.
Yunel Escobar – Batting near .400 in the last week with two homers. He goes hot to cold quickly, so grab him no or forever hold your peace. Or piece, if you’re gangsta.
Michael Brantley – My ‘pert radar is telling me Sizemore’s not long for this season. Brantley’s got speed. SAGNOF!
Drew Stubbs – He should only be steals, but he’s been showing power. The power will stop, the Ks and steals will begin. Any day now, Annie Potts.
Rajai Davis – He’s only listed here because he’s owned in less than 30% of ESPN leagues. Why is he owned in less than 30% of ESPN leagues?! Seriously. He had 15 steals in August and he’s batting near .400 in the last week.
Matt Diaz – It’s Dye-as. Lefty killer. Lately, slaughtering both sides. Anyone who’s read this site for a long time knows that I’ve always liked Diaz as a platoon outfielder. (Play him against his strong side, sit vs. weak side. Kinda like I’ve been doing with David Murphy and The Big FraGu in one league.) Really Diaz should be in your lineup vs. everyone until further notice.
Homer Bailey – Love to be the bearer of good news, but I don’t have any good news for you. I have bad news. Bad, unfortunate, sad news. Bailey has three solid starts in a row, but two were against the Pirates. If you have to take chances, I kinda understand it. But Bailey gets the Rockies then the Cubs. Don’t mind if I don’t.
Kyle Davies – Has back-to-back wins that have netted him a 2.25 ERA and 11 Ks in 12 innings. Sounds nice, right? One was vs. the A’s and one was against the M’s.
Adam Jones – Jones is done-zo.
Josh Willingham – Lately, he looks likes the one-tool outfielder he’s always been.