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There’s just over a week left on the season. Really, at this point, anything goes in non-keeper leagues. If you don’t need home runs because the schmohawk right behind you is 12 home runs away, but you desperately need steals, why are you still carrying Adam Dunn? You waiting for his speed to come around? Pickup some steals. All you need is two saves to gain a point and you’re sitting on excess starters? Punt! Pickup some possible closers. Of course, you need to think about what the other fluffernutters in your league are doing? Are they going to snatch up your John Lackey as soon as you drop him? Then maybe you shouldn’t drop him. You need to suck every point out of your standings. Anyway, here’s some more fantasy baseball players to buy and sell:

BUY

Ryan Shealy – He was a prospect in the Rockies organization. Stuck behind Helton (<–’Member him? Nah, me neither.) then he finally saw the Light of Day (<–top five Michael J. Fox drama. Easily. Check out the mullet.) in Kansas City… Wait, with all of these parentheticals I don’t even know what I’m saying. Oh, yeah, Shealy! Might stay hot for the last week of the season. You care if you win with Conor Jackson or Ryan Shealy? Didn’t think so.

Taylor Teagarden – A catching Kevin Maas or Mike Piazza’s catcher? The Legend of Taylor Teagarden grows. He’s haunted!

Pablo Sandoval – I can’t tout Chubb Rock any more than I have. He’s not heavy, he’s my catcher.

Chris Iannetta – Hopefully, the Rox will move Torrealba in the offseason and give the the kid the full-time gizz-ig.

Mark Teahen – Good month for guy’s whose last names start with Tea-.

Scott Lewis – You know those lookout machines at tourist attractions that you have to put money in to see through? A company that manufactures them should have the same motto as Scott Lewis, “Worth a look.” (BTW, that was the longest setup ever.)

Sean Gallagher – Gets the Mariners next, which brings me to this…

Any Pitcher Facing the Mariners, Nots, Padres, Pirates – This list of pitchers will get longer next week because as teams are eliminated or clinch they might sit their vets. For instance, the Sawx don’t seem that threatening when everyone’s out the lineup.

Hank Blalock – Actually, I have this schmohawk on a few teams. Yuck, I know. But when you’re (bla)locked in, you do what you do.

Aaron Cunningham – Nice combination of power and speed. So far in his audition with the big league club, he’s received rave reviews for his spot-on portrayal of a big leaguer. Only thing that worries me is his friend, Potsie.

Asdrubal Cabrera – If I push The Dribble any more, people will call me for a travel.

Eugenio Velez – Razzball and its constituents told you to pick up this guy in March! Sure, it took him six months to get hot, but we were writing that post for our dyslexic readers that are just now reading March’s posts. Dur.

SELL

John Lackey/Josh Beckett/Scott Kazmir/Ervin Santana/Carlos Zambrano/Ted Lilly/Ryan Dempster – Are you seeing a pattern? You can add Johan, Hamels, Sabathia, Sheets, etc to this list if their team clinches.

Jeff Francis – Shut. Down.

B.J. Upton – Turning down a BJ? I know! Eh, the Rays are in the playoffs and they need Upton for that. He’s probably going to be babied this last week.

Yunel Escobar – I can’t imagine he’s on any non-keeper teams, but if he is. Well, you’re not paying attention anyway.

Justin Duchscherer – He was returning this weekend suppose. (BTW, the “dly” on supposedly seems completely unnecessary and I’m done with it. ) But he got shutdown, as I mentioned this morning.

Rickie Weeks – I mentioned this morning Weeks is dead to Sveum.

Manny Parra – Get out of my streamers and get into my bullpen car!

  1. Steve says:
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    I picked up Pablo a little while back and he hasn’t weighed me down at all.

  2. royce! says:
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    Nice post, Grey. I still had Flav stuck in my head, switched it for Europe, and then ended smoothly with some Billy Ocean. Clean, man, real clean.

    Can I put in a request for a later post? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6GhodMhcik

    I’m sure you could work something regarding, say, Bedard coming back from labrum surgery.

  3. Shogun says:
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    @nice finish on Parra, very solid punchline.

  4. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Hehe

    @royce!: You can not go wrong with Billy Ocean. Ever!

    Sure, requests definitely accepted.

    @Shogun: And thank you, sir.

  5. wassup says:
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    Is that Conor/Shealy quote directed at me because a few days ago i asked that questioned and did that move.

  6. royce! says:
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    Couldn’t Peavy and his wife have waited one more month to try to have their third kid? I started the day thinking I’d be getting a start out of him (against the Nots, even!) and Myers and now I’ve only got Myers, who is currently trying to emulate Big Z’s pile of crap start. Great way to start a weekend.

  7. Doug Ault says:
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    Dickerson has boo boo on his achilles,even Dusty can’t kiss it better

  8. BigFatHippo says:
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    David Price

    Is he a keeper next year? I’m thinkin about trading Sizemore for him as he only costs $5 to keep.

    His owner is in 3rd, within striking distance of 2nd, and playing Nady and Church every day in the OF.

  9. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @wassup: Nah, I get so many questions, I wasn’t talking about you. I just know Conor Jackson is someone people have and they shouldn’t.

    @royce!: We’ll see what you’re saying in 22 years when you take Jake Jr. with your first pick.

    @Doug Ault: Yeah, I should’ve put Dickerson as a guy you can probably do better than.

    @BigFatHippo: Price could be a great keeper, but he’s got risk attached to him. Don’t you already have a keeper staff?

  10. BigFatHippo says:
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    Volquez

    Offered Morneau for him to the 2nd place guy. He’s playing Konerko at 1B.

    I’m up 15 pts so can afford to play these guys against each other to steal their keepers.

    Would this be fair or am I a naughty boy?

  11. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Okay, I might be having a stupid problem, but what are you getting? I’m not clear. Are you getting a $5 Price for a non-keeper Sizemore? Cause that could be good, but don’t you have a stacked keeper pitching staff already?

  12. royce! says:
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    @Grey: I’m not using my first pick on a pitcher, and seeing as how Jake, Sr. named his first born after himself, I’m thinking he’s gonna be pushing him to pitch.

    In all seriousness, I wish the Peavys all the best.

    The Myers’ I wish damnation. My ERA doubled today!

  13. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @royce!: How about Big Z pulling a Two-Face?

  14. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Sorry to confuse you, didn’t know you were there.

    Halladay will cost me 27 so I’m trying to get cheaper. All of my hitters are too high priced so I can afford to deal them. If this works I will have:

    Webb-21
    Hamels-15
    Billingsley-10
    Shields-10
    Volquez-5
    Price-5

    3rd place guy needs steals, 2nd place needs rbi’s, they can gain a full point with only 1 of each. Neither will know I offered a trade to the other guy, so I ask again.

    Am I a naughty boy? Hehe

  15. BigFatHippo says:
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    Sorry, they would need two of each to gain a full point.

  16. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Not naughty enough. I don’t see this being a slam dunk. Price could be “da bomb” next year but he’s pretty risky and you’re already taking on all of these keeper pitchers. I don’t think you should do it.

  17. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: OK, I won’t if you say so. I’ll keep Halladay for 27.

    That way I can keep Ludwick for 5 as we only get 6 keepers. Is that a smarter move?

  18. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Ludwick’s probably a good idea, but I forget who your other possibilities are. Any tough choices?

  19. BigFatHippo says:
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    New subject: Adam Fuckin Kennedy

    Does his best Dead Kennedy’s impersonation for two years then demands a trade and goes off on Big Z.

    Where was the bat when the games actually meant something Adam? Grow some balls, you couldn’t get a hit in a meaningful game against Little Lamb Preschool.

  20. royce! says:
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    @Grey: Yeah, Big Z’s start was pretty awe inspiring. Has to be the worst outing following a no-hitter. Get Elias on it!

    Unfortunately my opponent left him on the bench this week. Perhaps I’ve been underestimating this guy’s intelligence… I mean, he is beating me like 13-3 so far.

  21. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Ha! Nice rant.

    @royce!: I think that guy had to just get lucky. Who leaves a guy who just had a no hitter on his bench on purpose? Your opponent is like Chauncey Gardner from Being There.

  22. royce! says:
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    @Grey: Yeah, he’s a regular Sancho Panza. I guess thinking of him like that makes me a little less angry.

  23. royce! says:
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    Dave Bush (PIT and CHC) or Ubaldo (@SF and @ARI)? Bush is Magic Wandy, I think Ubaldo is the reverse, so I’m thinking Bush.

  24. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: These are my 5 dollar guys, everbody else would cost the farm, hence the powderkeg which is Nuttsack The Pirate.

    Ludwick
    Sandoval
    Ian Stewart
    Lowrie
    Cruz
    Devine
    Ziegler

    re; Rant

    Been waiting 300 miles to go off on Adam, made me sick to listen to it. Good to be home and get it off my chest. Oh, yeah “Fuck you Adam”

  25. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @royce!: Yeah, Bush.

    @BigFatHippo: Ludwick looks like the right choice. You do actually have a bunch of decent flier guys though that might go for $5, but your keepers are stacked.

  26. royce! says:
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    @Grey: Bush over Baldy it is!

  27. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @royce!: There’s a crude joke in there somewhere.

  28. BigFatHippo says:
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    @royce!: @Grey: Ha

    That pretty well stands on it’s own.

  29. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Stop me if you’ve heard this before, but good call on Teahen.

    Garrett who?

  30. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: I call Teahen and Kiwi special.

  31. Steve says:
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    @Grey: I’m no ornithologist, but I think they might be related.

    Big day today, BTW. As well as Teahen, Al-Ram, Pena, Howard and Sandoval showed up…

  32. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Nice, if only it was last week.

  33. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Tell me about it. I’d be leading the final 10-2 if I was in it. As it is, the guy that beat me is ahead 10-1 in the final. He has A-Gonz, Cantu and Reyes – talk about perfect timing.

    May need some cover for Hanley. Could move Al-Ram to SS and pick up another 2B. Looking at either Velez or Barmes. Which one do you like?

  34. Steve says:
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    Obviously I mean, which one do you like most. You’ve been pimping Velez, but Barmes has decent speed and more power, so I’m leaning that way.

  35. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Barmes is a bit more well-rounded, but Velez has more speed and is playing ever day. Barmes has not been.

  36. Shogun says:
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    @Grey: Any word on BJ Upton’s status? He’s been clogging up my bench all week. Should I drop him for Barmes? I know I’ll probably get more out of Clint the rest of the way, but it’s hard to give up on a BJ.

  37. Lolhamburger says:
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    BJ Upton said that he was available to pinch hit on Thursday and ran bases yesterday. The Rays are being very careful with him, but there is a chance that you can still see him in this last week.

  38. Shogun says:
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    @Lolhamburger: Very helpful, thanks.

  39. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Shogun: As said before, BJ’s on a team headed to the playoffs, they’ll want to get him some game action so he’s not rusty, but they won’t risk him reinjuring himself. He should be replaced.

  40. BigFatHippo says:
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    I hate the fricken Cubs and I hate that Go Cubs Go song even more.

    They act like they haven’t won anything in a century, or 100 years, or maybe 10 decades……………………….?

    Oddly enough, I love Sweet Lou, is that wierd or what?

  41. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: I know what you mean. I hate the Dodgers, but I love Scully…. Well, it’s not exactly the same thing, but it’s close.

  42. Steve says:
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    Is the Juston Upton party over? Thinking of moving Teahen to RF, Sandoval to 3rd and re-grabbing up a hot-again Doumit for the C slot.

    Thoughts?

  43. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Hate the Dodgers? Who do you like? You have to be a fan of some team. Angels?

    Love Scully too, don’t get to hear him enough. Man I miss Jack Buck.

  44. cruisinkc says:
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    Are these guys worth using for spot starts tomorrow?
    Scott Lewis vs. Det
    Sean Gallagher vs. Sea

  45. wassup says:
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    What are the chances of all 4 of your closers on your fantasy baseball team getting a save on the same day? Well I guess its pretty rare because today is the first time it happened to me all season for my team. Jensen Lewis, Capps, Cordero, and Qualls

  46. Two Royals on the list, me likey!

    I would NEVER, ever consider buying Mark Teahen. he is way too inconsistent. As for Shealy, he is suppose to be platooning right now, but yeah, he has had a huge month. Not much is left in the season anyway.

  47. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Yeah, the Upton party was quick and done. I’d grab Doumit, sure.

    @BigFatHippo: I don’t really have a favorite team. I just like players. But if push came to shove, I grew a Yankee fan, so I suppose that would be the team. Though I probably watch them the least. I like the young teams, like the Brewers or Rays. I also like to watch the Mets. I think Reyes is the most exciting player to watch in baseball.

    @cruisinkc: I guess it depends on the situation of your team. I wouldn’t want either but I’d spot in Gallagher then Lewis, in that order, if the situation called for it. (Need wins and can afford to have a pitcher get hit.)

    @wassup: Well, either way, that’s awesome.

    @impNERD: No, not much left, but for fantasy purposes, those guys are hot right now.

  48. cubbies299 says:
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    Someone dropped Slowey. I used my #6 claim. Keeping his ass for sure. Thanks for the advice Grey. My end of year staff: Kazmir, Sabathia, Hamels, Harang, Kuroda, S. Baker, Slowey, Garza… 12-team mixed. I like my chances over the last week.
    Now the question… we have minor league rosters, and I have David Price on it. If I don’t call him up this year, he’ll still be on my minor league roster next year (which automatically carries over). I have a 15k lead right now but am losing by 1 W and .5 ERA points. Thoughts?

  49. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @cubbies299: Don’t bring up Price. Leave him.

  50. Crafty says:
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    Anyone have a clue what might be going on in Oakland? Ziegler came in in the 8th in a tie game. A’s took the lead in the bottom of the inning, and Devine is in to close it out in the 9th.

    If Ziegler had come in to a tie game in the NINTH, I would say no big deal, but I can’t fathom why he’d come in to start the 8th if he still has the closer job.

  51. Steve says:
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    Is Madson the 8th-inning guys in Philly now? Durbin came on in the 7th – were they maybe hoping he could get through 2 innings?

  52. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Crafty: Devine might be the closer this week because the A’s want to see what he does as they prepare him for next year.

    @Steve: I think Madson is the 8th inning guy now.

  53. royce! says:
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    Hey Grey- if yr around prior to 12, my opponent just pulled a fast one and now picked up Miner and Scott Olsen in order to get possibly 12 starts next week. He is currently up by 10 IP, so I’m considering a radical departure from my earlier plan of pitching a bunch of 2 starters and instead picking up a bunch of MRs in the hope of picking up vulture wins, holds, ERA, WHIP and K/BB (saves are already mine). The other option is to push forward with the same general strategy (all 2 starters) but punt holds and add Wellemeyer and another SP/RP that has 2 starts, but the only one I can find is Ryan Rowland Smith…

  54. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @royce!: Don’t pickup Smith, grab Wellemeyer and another possible holds guy, unless you are that far back. I don’t remember how far back you are in holds to say whether to punt it.

  55. royce! says:
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    I’m back 2 in holds, and if he keeps his lineup he’ll not have any relievers next week.

    My count of 12 starts for him includes a second start for Price and E. Santana. I figure the former might not happen and the latter could be very short.

    My lineup would therefore be: Peavy, Nolasco, Balfour, Wellemeyer, Harang, Bush Lohse. Schmohawkian, but if I’m going for IP, etc., it has to be.

  56. royce! says:
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    His next week: Lee, E. Santana, Miner, Price, Dice-K, Liriano, Scott Olsen.

  57. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @royce!: Your lineup looks solid to take him down. Dice-K may very well have a shortened start too and Miner, Price and Olsen are pretty risky. I kinda wish you had another Holds guy though.

  58. royce! says:
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    @Grey: I totally agree, but I’m hoping for the best and planning for the worst. Another holds guy would cost me 2 starts, but could gain me ERA, WHIP, and K/BB.

    So, seeing his lineup, would you drop Wellemeyer and replace him with:

    Rafael Pérez (@BOS-4, @CHW-3)
    Arredondo (@SEA-4, TEX-3)
    Devine (@TEX-3, @SEA-3)
    Cory Wade (SD-3, @SF-3)
    ??

  59. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @royce!: Drop Wellemeyer for Arredondo.

  60. royce! says:
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    Right on. While I’ve got your attention, I’m starting Drew over Hanley, Victorino over Granderson, and V Mart over Shoppach. I think I went over some of the relevant stats in the forums, but before its all said and done, feel any need to object or forever hold your peace?

  61. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @royce!: No need to object.

  62. royce! says:
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    @Grey: Awesome. Thanks for the help. Oh, and look for me at the Dodgers game Tuesday. I’ll be the one with head to toe Padres gear on. Psych! I’m no fool! But I will be the one silently rooting for Peavy to pitch a complete game shutout.

  63. royce! says:
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    @royce!: Oh, and you might also see me on the news next week jumping off the Westin Bonaventure with a sign tied to my neck that reads “You Did This To Me, Zach Miner and Scott Olsen.”

  64. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @royce!: You need to make up a sign that says, “Razzball,” and get it on TV.

  65. Steve says:
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    If anyone’s still up, any idea why Sandoval hasn’t played the last two days?
    I’ve dumped him to fill a spot on (your) Monday (and have kept Doumit), but may need him again later in the week.
    He’s not injured is he?

  66. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: It’s in the newest post.

    ****TAKE FOLLOWUPS TO THE NEWEST POST

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