Well, this is it folks. As alluded to last week, we have reached the last Saturday of the regular season, and therefore, have reached the last Saturday Daily Notes of the season. Obvious statement is obvious. To celebrate such a glorious occasion, I have formulated a thought. Incredible, I know! Me? Formulating thoughts? Quick, someone file estoppel action! Anyways, we’ll be doing notes like we always do, in that, there will still be the ever popular bolded and hyper-linked player names along side the world famous Razzball player blurb thing-a-ma-jigs. But we are going to go a little GIF heavy this time around. Why? Because I thought it would be fun. And this is my series. Deal. But there’s a rub here. Because brisket bro. Also, because these GIFs will represent the story of each specific player when it is used.
Now, you may say to yourself, isn’t this a cheap way to not do any work? And I say to you… maybe. But also, let me put it this way. GIF hunting is hard. GIF making is hard. GIF editing is hard. Achieving proper context is hard. All of this is hard. That’s what she said. Hey-ohhh. But yeah, enjoy the show. Or don’t. It’s the last one this season, so really, do whatever you want. After all, that’s what I did. Here’s what I noticed yesterday:
Norichika Aoki — 2-for-4, 1 run, 2 RBIs, and his 8th home run. I’ve used the Aoki pun ad nauseam. But you know what? That’s Aoki! They call that flawless victory.
Michael Bourn — Still out of the lineup, and may not return this season due to a wrist sprain. If your championship hopes were relying on this news, you’re doing it wrong.
Miguel Cabrera — 2-for-3. Oh yeah, you know I have a good one for him.
Miguel Cabrera’s season, in GIF form…
Starlin Castro — 3-for-4. Starlin, now that this travesty of a season is over, you may now remove the word ‘Star’ in your name and replace it with, err, whatever the opposite of a star is. Britney Spears? Eh. Super Nova? No, that’s not the opposite of a star. Oh, I know. I guess we’ll name you Blackholin’. Hmm. That sounds like something I watched the other day…
Bartolo Colon — 6.0 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, and 8 Ks. I have no idea how this season happened, and I can’t imagine it was because of something he ate. Since he eats a lot. And, you know, we’d be hard pressed to figure out which food item helped here. I mean, how to you test infinity? He’s fat. Get it?
Coco Crisp — 4-for-5, 1 run. I prefer Berry Crunch. Why? Because ef the roof of my mouth, that’s why.
R.A. Dickey — 7.1 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, and 3 Ks. As an admitted fan and masochist (yes, he was in all my lineups for all 34 starts), I have to say, this GIF was an easy call.
R.A. Dickey’s season, in GIF form…
Or, more accurately, my reaction to R.A. Dickey’s season in GIF form.
Scott Feldman — 2.1 IP, 8 ER, 9 baserunners, and 1 K. Eeeesh.
Yovani Gallardo — 6.0 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners and 6 Ks. A meh season from a meh player. Meh.
Yovani Gallardo’s season, in GIF form…
Yeah, I know, bonus points for Emma Stone. Way ahead of you man.
Josh Hamilton — 1-for-4, 2 RBIs. The good? Has hit .327/.386/.507 in his last 150 AB’s. The bad? Even with those 150 AB’s, he’s still hitting .249/.306/.432 for the year. The ugly? Not necessary. What I just wrote was pretty ugly.
Matt Harvey — If Harvey continues to rehab his partially torn UCL, rather than undergoing Tommy John surgery, he’ll be eligible for the Arizona Fall League. Which seems marvelous. What’s the cure? Pitch even more than you normally would. Those Mets, always ahead of the game.
Jason Heyward — 0-for-3. Maybe I should start grouping you with the Upton brothers.
Jason Heyward’s season, in GIF form…
Felix Hernandez — 6.0 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, and 6 Ks. Sure, he’s lost velocity four straight years, but has also improved his K/9 and BB/9 in the same time span. Truly a King? That’s the best I could do to tie in his nickname. At least you got the Ron Burgundy question mark. (Ron Burgundy also factors in later.)
Matt Holliday — 2-for-2, 2 runs, 1 RBI, and his 21st home run. I know our friends across the pond call a vacation ‘going on holiday’, but why don’t they pluralize that? I mean, if it’s more than one day, you gotta add the ‘s’, right? I mean, they do use the word ‘day’ over there, yeah? What were we talking about again?
Adam Jones — 1-for-4, 1 run, 2 RBIs, and his 33rd home run. Yet another typical 30-ish/15-ish season from Jones. He gets penalized in OBP leagues, but you’ll be hard pressed to notice because of everything else he does.
Clayton Kershaw — 6.0 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners (no walks), and 8 Ks. A very remarkable year. I think I need a GIF to describe it.
Clayton Kershaw’s season, in GIF form…
Both in figurative and literal terms. Seriously.
Corey Kluber — 5.1 IP, 6 ER, 11 baserunners, and 5 Ks. So, does anyone else here think that when Kluber faces off against Doug Fister, it should be ‘Domestic Violence Awareness Night’ at the ballpark? You’re right, that’s insensitive. Unless you’re Irish. ON. FIRE.
Cliff Lee — 8 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners (no walks), and 13 Ks. Yet another fantasy season of fantasy eliteness. An elitansy, if you will. And you might. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe Joe Flacco just got jealous.
David Ortiz — 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs, and his 30th home run. At age 37, Big Papi has hit .307 with 30 HR’s, 103 RBIs, and 82 runs with two days to go in the regular season. Amazing. Also, he has 4 stolen bases. Wait, what?
David Ortiz’s season, in GIF form…
Chris Sale — 5.1 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, and 5 Ks. Here I am, still waiting for his arm to explode. I’ve been spouting about this soon-to-be injury for two seasons now, and I still can’t bring myself to trust him. Look, I don’t wish injury on anybody, but c’mon. Joel Peralta once injured a neck muscle jumping out of a car in pursuit of sammiches. SAMMICHES!
Jean Segura — He could return to the starting lineup later today after not playing since last Wednesday due to a hamstring strain.
Giancarlo Stanton — 1-for-4, 3 RBIs. Never again. Until next year. Sigh.
Giancarlo Stanton’s season, in GIF form…
Stephen Strasburg — 7.0 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, and 4 Ks. Had a great, yet quiet year, even with his inverted-W motion and all. Also, what is wrong with you baseball science? An inverted-W is just an ‘M’. Call it an ‘M’ you jerks!
B.J. Upton and Justin Upton — 0-for-3. (Bossman Jr. DNP, thankfully.) As you know, I’ve been grouping the Upton brothers into the same blurb because I like to focus my fantasy baseball rage. So they are combined here, so shall they be combined by the GIF Gods.
B.J. and Justin Upton’s season, in GIF form…
Please also take this as a mental note to watch Breaking Bad’s finale on Sunday.
Jayson Werth — 2-for-2, 2 runs, 3 RBIs, and his 25th home run. My name is Jason, but, as you might have noticed, most of everyone just calls me Jay. Werth has figured out how to combine the awesome. Interesting.
Travis Wood — 1.0 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, and 1 K. The numbers certainly don’t match the peripherals, but regression never happened. (Even though he tried his darnedest to fit it all into one game last night.)
Travis Wood’s season in GIF form…
David Wright — Was not in last night’s lineup due to a thumb injury. Should be ready to go later today though.
Ben Zobrist — 3-for-3, 1 run, 1 RBI, and his 12th home run. The first sleeper post highlighting Zobrilla for next season has already been written. By me. For all the 2014 drafts starting tomorrow I guess.
I’d like to thank Grey, Vin, the entire Razzball family, and most of all, you, the Razzball readership for yet another fantastic season. We laughed, we cried, and we ate plenty of Twix. Or, at the very least, I did. A lot. Don’t forget, we’ll be going over how my Bold Predictions (Part One, Part Two) at the beginning of the season turned out in a few weeks, SPOILER ALERT, I did terrible. But, beyond that, be sure to check out my Sunday Night Football Fantasy Football Notes over on the Football side of Razz. And yeah. You didn’t think I would leave you without putting my writing season into GIF form, did ya?
Jason Longfellow’s, aka JayLong’s, aka JayWrong’s, aka JW-1’s writing season, in GIF form…
JayWrong is a 30-year old Korean/Irish writer who finds solace using Makers Mark as a vehicle to impress women, and also has an affinity for making Jennifer Lawrence GIFs. You can follow him @jaywrong, read his blog Desultory Thoughts of a Longfellow, or, you can find his GIFs at his tumblr, named Siuijeonseo.