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USA Today might no longer appreciate the insights shared by Larry King in his long-running column but we at Razzball were thrilled when he accepted our invitation to share his thoughts on Fantasy Baseball….

Greetings friends, acquaintances and ex-wives!  Congratulations to the San Francisco Giants!  I can’t wait to see your parade where you celebrate your pride….  How about the fact that whomever won Bengie Molina was guaranteed a ring?  That reminds me of my 4th marriage….  I’m so happy for Cody Ross’ family.  His great-great-great grandmother was a wonderful woman and a hell of a seamstress….  I once bought a day old bagel and cracked a tooth.  Since then “I feared the schmeared….”  Some of you might have saw the great matriarch, Barbara Bush, at game four.  She wasn’t keeping score, we were doing some old school texting…  I do wish both teams could’ve won the World Series.  Then some of my hedge bets would’ve made sense….  I just don’t understand Paranormal Activity 2.  Why don’t they just buy a nightlight?… You know what never gets old?  A conversation with my doorman…. The sales people at Best Buy are so knowledgeable.  They knew exactly why I was feeling a jolt every time I used my universal remote.  Will have to have Dr. Kapawitz look at my pacemaker….   Michael Jackson would be so happy to see his parents raise his children…. Does anyone know where I put my pants?… Isn’t it crazy the way Angelenos talk?  It’s all Spanish to me!  Ah, there’s my pants, on the ol’ gams like they should be….  Where’s Bob Newhart been?  He stole my hand soaps….   Youtube looks like a Kenyan name….

83 Responses

  1. DrEasy says:
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    Sorry , Mr King, but Youtube sounds more like Ethiopean to me.

  2. big o says:
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    AND , why your picture never seems to age .

  3. KEVIN says:
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    I feel like I’m taking crazy pills! Don’t know what to make of this, but definitely worth a few laughs.

  4. Marlo Stanfield says:
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    (X) Not Real

  5. Beau says:
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    Hey LK and all the other razz writers — I’m trying to do a little math exercise related to fantasy and have a couple questions relating to some data you guys pulled together last year…if you don’t mind can I send a personal email somewhere. If so you can shoot me a message at dbhammel@gmail.com

    Thanks!

  6. Stephen says:
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    @Beau: They have an email you can contact to them on the info page.

  7. Beau says:
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    @Stephen: Thanks Stephen, was looking for that link and just found it now…

  8. johnbutte says:
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    WTF? Larry is completely insane. That bizarre diatribe sounds like the word salad my schizophrenic patients spew out when they are off their meds. Hang it up Larry, you’re done.

  9. peter says:
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    Add my name to the legion of fans thrilled to see Larry King’s return to Razzball.

  10. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @peter: I’m sure Larry would be excited to hear that, assuming ‘excitement’ doesn’t hurt him.

  11. nmdunkel says:
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    Finally, I’ve waited all season for those old bones to show up.

  12. Broccoli Roberts says:
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    It’s all Spanish to me!

  13. Jcom says:
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    I thought Larry hedged a bet on the sanfransico cuckold’s? guess i was wrong

  14. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @nmdunkel: Larry never disappoints his fans.

    @Broccoli Roberts: Hehe

    @Steve: Yeah, heard about that when the Casey Blake feud was happening. Google Casey Blake + Brian Wilson to see what I mean.

    @Jcom: Ha

  15. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Ah yes, now I see.

    Dorky thing for Blake to do, but Wilson (and every other sportsman, in fact) needs to keep that shizz private.

  16. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: I don’t mind Wilson actually. Feel like in general baseball needs more personalities. Is it bad that I just Google stalked this girl I met and randomly emailed her? Save me from myself!

  17. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Oh, I’m all for personalities, but I think there are other ways of getting it out there than making a big show of stuff that is essentially private.

    Brian Wilson has a beard that looks like it cost $2 from a joke shop – that’s cool, I can get behind that. He’s a Christian? Big whoop.

    Is this the Halloween girl?

  18. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Yeah, the beard stuff was more what I was referring to. Nah, different girl. Found her Twitter account. I’ll let you Google her for her picture, but I’m going to add P’s after every letter so she doesn’t Google herself and find this thread:

    cpapspspipdpy rpapsptp

  19. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Unless she’s going to think you’re some kind of weirdo, I’m thinking it’s OK.

    That said, I haven’t tried to pick up a girl since the late-20th century, so I’m not sure what the protocols are anymore.

  20. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Yeah, not sure. Met her at a film screening and left it kinda obtuse. Speaking of which, Fair Game is a great movie. Will probably be nominated for an Oscar. It’s not out yet, but there ya go.

  21. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Well if you left it obtuse, a random email seems kinda fitting (emoticon).

    Serves her right for not covering her tracks as well as some people I could mention (emoticon II).

  22. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Ha, very true.

  23. Steve says:
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    So, when does Game 6 sta….

    What?

    Oh.

  24. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: It’s over, Steve. Over.

  25. Steve says:
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    @Grey: I don’t sit near a TV anymore, so didn’t have quite the thrall for me this year – nor for a lot of other people it seems.

    It’s a real shame the Rangers’ hitting was so lame, but the Giants pitching has to take some credit for that, I guess.

    Apart from 2011 projections, any big off-season priorities?

  26. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Yeah, actually working on it right now, but I wanna keep it hush-hush for now.

  27. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Ah, right you are (taps side of nose conspiratorially).

    As you were.

  28. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Is there anything with the site that you think I should do for next year? Like a big ticket item.

  29. Steve says:
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    @Grey: You know, there’s nothing that really jumps out. The quality of discourse here I think is testimony to how well the Razz suits people’s needs.

    Maybe if you were able to aggregate and display the info from all my various leagues here (based on a login or username or something), I wouldn’t have to take my clicks off to ESPN/Yahoo/CBS/whatever to keep track of what’s happening.

    On a lesser scale, as someone who browes Razzball on a mobile device ***a lot***, it would be great to be able to post a comment via email and having links to be able to jump straight to the top or bottom of the comments would be great. At the height of the season, it can take an awful lot of screen-swiping to get down to the ‘Leave a Reply’ box.

  30. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Good suggestions! Yeah, the few times I comment using my iPhone it takes a while to swipe down. Have noticed that.

  31. Steve says:
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    @Grey: You know what I do? I have Opera Mini on my BlackBerry, so I do a “Find in page” on the word ‘required’.

    Takes me straight to the bottom of the thread…

  32. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: That’s handy. Literally! Not sure if I have that capability on my iPhone.

  33. Steve says:
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    @Grey: BlackBerry wins!

    Seriously, I assume you use Safari to browse on your iPhone? ‘Find in page’ is pretty standard browser functionality, I think.

  34. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: You would think, right? I don’t know if there’s Command keys though.

  35. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Thanks! They do have some nerve charging for that capability.

  36. big o says:
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    @Grey:

    some team rosters were listed here so many times , not only
    could I recite them , but felt , at times , like they were
    community teams , or , wards of the state , if you will .

  37. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @big o: Ha, very true.

    @Steve: Thanks! That should work.

  38. big o says:
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    @Grey:

    so , this new friend ,
    the one with the painted face ,
    was this the result of karaoke night ?

  39. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @big o: Nah, see comment #23 for where I met her.

  40. big o says:
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    @Grey:

    see any of the riot clips from ktvu ?

  41. royce! says:
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    @big o: They in response to prop 19 not passing? Jk, stoners don’t riot!

  42. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @big o: Yeah, saw a bit of it.

  43. big o says:
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    @Grey:
    @royce!:

    seems to be a combo of booze , sports idolatry , & , testosterone .

    long gone are the days when san franciscans blew off a little steam
    in the city’s bath houses .

    pardon the euphemism .

    http://www.ktvu.com/video/25602908/index.html

  44. royce! says:
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    @big o: That is certainly a bummer. However, I feel like I see videos like that every time a team in any major sport wins a championship. Is my cynicism overpowering my memory?

  45. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @big o: Thanks for the link! So weird watching it. That’s celebrating?

  46. big o says:
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    @royce!:

    nope .

    i’m gonna get me a color tee vee .

  47. royce! says:
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    Hey Grey,

    At the risk of being presumptuous, may I make a request or suggestion for the site? I don’t have anything groundbreaking to add– I just was hoping that y’all could split up the forums into different sports. Once football kicked in (off?) this year, I completely lost interest in the forums because I didn’t want to wade through a bunch of unfamiliar names. Since then I haven’t really browsed the forums.

    And another suggestion, though not site-related. I got a couple CDs recently that I thought you might enjoy, and the bands are playing at the el rey together later this month. The bands are the Moondoggies (terrible name, at least for those from SD), and Dawes. Both have that My Morning Jacket/Neil Young/etc. thing going on, which I can’t resist.

  48. royce! says:
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    I see that the forums have been broken up into sports. My bad. But what would be awesome is if I could somehow view “active topics” and “unanswered posts” by sport.

  49. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @royce!: Thanks for the music suggestion! I’ll ask my web guy if it’s possible to separate active topics and unanswered posts that way.

    @big o: That’s insane. I like how the guy thought it was a good idea to climb up there then others thought it was smart to try and knock him off.

    @big o: Wow, the Cubs catchers love their doobie.

  50. Bum Juice says:
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    On my new MacBook, a three-finger swipe on the tracker pad zooms me straight to the bottom of the page!

    Yeah! So now I can comment before finding out if anyone else already beat me to my lame joke!

  51. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Bum Juice: Someone mentioned that above.

  52. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: And she just got back to me. Who’s the man?

  53. Steve says:
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    @Grey: That BABIP is not sustainable.

  54. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: I’m hoping for a clean single up the middle. What?

  55. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Ewww.

    I’d say you’re gonna have to start becoming more sympathetic to the plight of indigenous peoples.

  56. Bum Juice says:
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    @Grey: Oh man, you actually had me for a second. I’m an idiot. (Won my league, though, suckas! Thanks for the help, Grey!)

  57. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Yeah, I’m guessing I’d have to pretend to be sympathetic to a lot of things.

  58. Steve says:
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    @Grey: And maybe put a dinner plate in your lower lip.

  59. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Bum Juice: No problem. (Someone thanked me above too.)

  60. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: A dinner plate in your lower lip? Is that an expression?

  61. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: You know what’s weird, the fire alarm got her Master’s in Australia.

  62. Bum Juice says:
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    Holy Shit. Never thought I would be big upping Schwarzenegger on this site, but from his (why-am-I-here?) speech at the Giants parade:

    “And you know, as the Terminator, I thought I was the machine, but I hear you Giants also have a machine, yes?”

  63. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Wow, that was new to me. Lip plates are sexy!

    @Bum Juice: Ha! I hadn’t heard that, that’s classic.

  64. Steve says:
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    @Grey: None of those plates in NZ.

    Clearly you need to get down here, though.

  65. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: I’d love to get down there. It’s easily top five places I want to travel to.

  66. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Say the word and I’ll bust out the hammock.

  67. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Ha! I like the fur one. I do remember the other one from a prior linking.

  68. Simply Fred

    simply fred says:
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    @Grey: Looked up your person of interest. Returned: “This person has protected their tweets.” Looks like you’re out of luck.

  69. Simply Fred

    simply fred says:
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    @simply fred: You don’t aim low, bro’. Nice!

  70. papasmurf says:
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    My starting 5 in a 16 team league coming into 2011 were Vazquez, Hamels, Dempster, Oswalt and J Sanchez.

    Vaz stunk up the joint but the other 4 were pretty good. Problem is I always pick garbage hitters. Year after year it’s the same. Stable pitching, scouring the WW for hitting.

    So you don’t like Latos for 2011? He’s gonna be one of my keepers… heh.

  71. papasmurf says:
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    Crap sorry. In my haste to post this at work, I clicked on the wrong post. Meant to reply to the top fantasy SP post.

  72. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @papasmurf: I’m confused, your starting five were the guys listed but Latos is your keeper? Latos is a keeper for the right price. I’m worried about the September fall off and the IP jump.

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