USA Today might no longer appreciate the insights shared by Larry King in his long-running column but we at Razzball were thrilled when he accepted our invitation to share his thoughts on Fantasy Baseball….
Greetings fantasy baseballers! I’m tingling all over and I hope it’s because of fantasy baseball…Am I the only one that wants to call that Ranger kid Nelson Cruz Jr? I sure hope he names his son Nelson. Or Caribbean….. If hustling on the baseball field cost 5 cents, Marco Scutaro would have to stock up on nickels…… Don’t worry about Brian McCann – I sent him to my opthamologist Dr. Schneweiss…… I’m glad I don’t own any bases because I’d be afraid Carl Crawford would steal them……. Mr. Rollins may be slumping but he still puts the Jimmies on my baseball sundae….. Am I the only one that wants to call that pitcher on the Cardinals Adam Wainwright III?…. Is goosenfeffer a word?….. The Nats bullpen is equal opportunity these days – it must make President Obama happy….Fare thee well, Jim Bowden. You are a 5-tool human being in my book……Speaking of GMs, wouldn’t it be funny if there was one named Ford? Or Chrysler? Or Lenny?……Am I the only one that wants to call the Florida middle reliever Pope Leo X Nunez?…..Pronounce it tomato or tomahto – it still makes for a delicious juice….. If I was Edinson Volquez’s teammate, I’d nickname him Crazy Eddie because his lack of control is insane. I’d nickname Aaron Harang “Wolfgang” because Mozart loved a good rhyme….. I breathed a big sigh of relief when Casey Kotchman tested negative for swine flu….. I finally found the MLB Network on my cable box and I love it. Harold Reynolds must be drinking from the Fountain of Couth…… Am I the only one that wants to call Cardinals pitcher/lawyer Mitchell Boggs and ask him to take my 5th wife out of the will?….. That new Yankee Stadium is something. I got box seats behind the plate and, before I knew it, I was sitting in the right-field bleachers……. You know why people shortened doughnut to donut? Because there’s nothing ‘ugh’ about them…..