Joe Mauer is done for the year with pneumonia. I’m almost 100% sure Morneau was the carrier of the virus. On Friday, frequent commenter Mike said, “If you went to Joe Mauer’s house, went into his basement, jack-hammered through the concrete, and started digging, what would be the under/over on number of feet you’d have to go down before you found the first dessicated Native American corpse? 3 feet? 4 feet? I mean, that Native American graveyard can’t be that far below the surface.” I honestly never thought I’d say this this (stutterer!) early in his career, but I think Mauer’s going to be a bargain next year. Assuming he falls into the 10th round or later, he’s worth the gamble at catcher for 2012, right? I mean, even if he only gets 100 games and hits .300, it’s worth the ulcer, isn’t it? I think so. With that said (yeah, here comes opposite talk), I’m sure glad I haven’t drafted him the last two years in any league. He hit 3 homers this year. As in between 2 and 4. Jesus Montero has that many in 10 games. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Jason Kubel – Probably done for the year. In related news, Morneau, Mauer and Kubel have a fishing trip planned for the first weekend of October and all Twins fans have a hunting trip planned for the same weekend.
Tsuyoshi Nishioka – Done for the year. Back date that to March. Are the Twins fielding a team this final week and a half?
Brian Dinkelman – 4-for-5 yesterday and 7 for his last 9. When your team’s good news is Brian Dinkelman, you got a big fish that needs some frying or whatever that cliche is.
Ryan Howard – Out until Thursday, which will probably mean he plays only sporadically even after that. Ross Gload will fill in. Army with harmony…Dave, drop a Gload on him!
Pablo Sandoval – Hit two homers in one inning. When you throw Sandoval two meatballs, he jumps on them.
David Price – Left after 4 innings after being hit in the chest by a liner. Should be fine for his next start, which he will throw while wearing knight’s armor.
Desmond Jennings – 2-for-5 with a steal. In roughly a third of the season, he has 9 homers and 18 steals. Yeah, go ahead and times those by three.
Brandon Morrow – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks. There should a glossary term for these K-heavy pitchers that are a total tease. You suggest in the comments, thank you.
Adam Lind – 2-for-3 with two homers. Be nice if he went on one of his crazy 6 homers in 8 games binges. Cust kayin’.
Paul Goldschmidt – 2-for-3 with a homer. With 8 homers and 45 Ks in 40 games this year, he’s either gonna be something special next year or a flat-out bomb.
Mark Reynolds – Homered on Friday and Saturday, then was beaned in the head by a Ervin Santana pitch. His CT scan came back negative, then the CT scan picked up Johnny Bananas and carried him to the other side of The Gulag.
James Loney – 5-for-6 yesterday and two homers in two games on Friday and Saturday. I don’t like saying to pick up Loney, so if I wink, it means pick him up. Wink.
Zack Greinke – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks. I have two things to note, neither of which is that interesting. First, I can’t believe Greinke is barely under a 4.00 ERA in the NL. Second, I can never remember if it’s a H or a K with Zack. From writing 1200+ words five days a week about these players, I can spell Saltalamacchia without looking it up. I could be in a baseball spelling bee and kick serious ass and get tripped up by spelling Zack. I feel like there should be a standard Zack spelling. H or K, that’s it.
Adrian Gonzalez – It was revealed this weekend that he’s only taking batting practice every other day due to weakness in his shoulder. He said, “(The weakness is) fine. It’s the end of the year.” Um, maybe in San Diego.
Mike Aviles – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs with his 2nd homer in three games. Sawx kinda have to win games and Aviles, McDonald, Salty, Scutaro and Conor Jackson (when I saw his name as C. Jackson in the box score, I thought it was Curtis Jackson) are playing and Wakefield is pitching. Up the team salary to $300 million.
Brandon Beachy – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER and 8 earned in his last 9 2/3 IP, 8 ER. The good news for people who like bad news is he’s tired. The other bad news is he might struggle next year if the Braves don’t shut him down.
Jason Heyward – 3-for-4 as he hit 8th in front of the pitcher. He should consider apologizing to Fredi for whatever transgression he did to him or his family. Meanwhile, pray he doesn’t hit three homers in one game in the playoffs and get on everyone’s radar again.
Manny Acosta – Closed out yesterday’s game while Parnell worked the 8th. Honestly, I think the Mets are going to get a closer in the offseason and don’t really care who gets the ball in the ninth right now. It’s not like they’re grooming anyone.
Bryan LaHair – 1-for-3 yesterday and a homer on Saturday. He should be playing every day, but he’s not. I feel like someone should write a song titled, “The 28-Year-Old Rookie.” Belle and Sebastian, where you at?
Jordan Pacheco – Batted third yesterday and went 0-for-4, but is hitting .320 over the last week with a homer. He did so little in Triple-A this year, it’s kinda comical (3 homers, 2 steals, .278). Guess if you’re really hogtied in a very deep league, you can take a look.
Allen Craig – 3-for-4, 2 homers. Before this game, he hadn’t done much since he started, uh, starting. But maybe this is the beginning of something. Only Miss Cleo knows for sure.
Matt Holliday – Inferred here first after reading shizz elsewhere, it sounds like Holliday’s done for the year.