But the White Sox were able to go back-to-back-to-back-to-back. That’s quadrupling your pleasure. Or double-double-headed. Which makes you say whoopee for fantasy baseball, right? Seriously, you say whoopee. Yeah, you do. You and Bob Eubanks. But if someone asks you the most romantic place you’ve ever made whoopee, don’t say, “Up the butt.” Now there was something in the middle of this landmark real baseball feat that you should take notice of — Paul Konerko. Nooo! Don’t talk about Konerko again. Sorry, but he has three home runs and a plus-.300 average in August. Buh-buh-buh… Ugh! Most importantly for our purposes, Guillen can’t quit Konerko. That’s right, Konerko’s been getting starts. If you need cheap lumber, cut down your neighbor’s tree, but if you want a cheap power source, try out Konerko. He might be the double-headed pleasure seeker you need. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Troy Percival/Grant Balfour/Dan Wheeler – Percival left the ninth with a knee sprain. Balfour tried to say, “Hey, dudes, I got this one.” Only he didn’t leave to the slow clap as much as the hanging-head-of-shame. I grabbed Wheeler where I had room.
Brad Ziegler – Orel Hershiser laughs maniacally, removing the pin from his Zielger doll.
Aramis Ramirez – HR yesterday, but injured his hip later in the game. He’s day-to-day, which shouldn’t be confused with Soul II Soul.
Jerry Hairston Jr. – Supposed to return for Friday’s game. He sure has got a lot of press lately. Guys, if I may call you that even though there might be chicks here, Hairston’s not really a .343 hitter. Cust kayin’.
Rocco Baldelli – Guess why I’m writing his name. Go ahead. I’ll wait. *scratches nose, itches head, dusts off my framed picture of Michael J. Fox* Baldelli’s injured! Dur.
Jason Kendall – From The Files of the Unfair: Because of a game started clause, Kendall will earn 4.25 million next year. WTF?!
Ryan Franklin – Got the save yesterday, but that was just so they didn’t overuse Perez. Never fear, Razzballers.
Brad Penny – Returns to the DL. Nomar, “See, this healthy thing ain’t so easy… Ow! I juth bit my lip when I said eathy. Thee!”
Todd Wellemeyer – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER. Dave Duncan says, “I’ll see your Mazzone and I’ll do it without the rocking back and forth.”
Chris Dickerson – The first cheap steal schmohawk in yesterday’s post went 3-for-5 with two doubles and a triple. Sometimes recently called-up players excel while pitchers try and figure them out. Dickerson might be one of those, so he may have even more value now than later. There will be a Buy/Sell later today as there is every Friday afternoon, and I may just beat my Dick…er, um, what was I saying–erson later today. Tasteful!