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A right to the jaw, Gallardo goes down. Left to the jaw, Rich Hill sucks. Go to throw in the towel and Guthrie grabs your hand. Uppercut to the chin, Harang sucks. Aaron Cook takes a few body blows and rights the ship. Body blow and Franceour hits the canvas. You prepare to throw in the towel, but Hamilton grabs your hand and you’re feeling a second wind, then, out of nowhere, right, left, right — you’re toothless. Damn, these fantasy baseball injuries are ruthless. You’re stammering, “Momma?” as you hobble around the ring. You see three of your opponent because your eye needs to be cut and then Kinsler hits the DL. Like Saddam’s gold-ish statue, you topple to the ground. Kinsler may be out for the season. I have nothing else to say, but this totally sucky-suck-sucks. Some guys I’m looking at grabbing, Wigginton, Kent, Cesar Izturis, Sanchez or Polanco. I say “or,” because God help you if you need more than one of those. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ryan Braun – Ugh, Part II. He left the game after swinging and missing. I’m pretty sure he’s headed to the DL. I wish he would’ve just sat out the last two games so he wouldn’t now need another 15 games, but when it hurts to swing, it’s not a good sign.

Justin Duchscherer – And the hits keep coming. He reinjured the same hip that shut him down last season. He’s thrown nearly as many innings this year as he’s thrown in the last three years combined. You guys had a good run. When Dook-sher goes in for the MRI and CornNuts, leave him by the side of the road.

Greg Maddux – Looks like he’s being traded to the Dodgers. This is the one place where Maddux may have slightly more value than Petco. Dodgers Stadium is also a pitcher’s park, it’s in the same crap division (now he can face the Padres!) and the Dodgers score a few more runs. That is a win, win, win! Though, he’s still a questionable starter depending on matchups.

Barry Zito – 7 scoreless innings against the Braves. After the game, Bobby Cox said, “I’d give back ’95 if someone could make this end.”

Jorge Campillo – 6 2/3 innings, 5 ER. As I mentioned last week, I quit Campillo in all of my leagues. There’s an addendum to that, I picked up Campillo for my Razzball team, so now Campillo’s job is to become the worst pitcher ever.

Matt LaPorta – Was hit on the head during the Olympics and taken to the hospital where Michael Phelps performed open head surgery and now LaPorta will be fine. Phelps also made a the most delicious Dum-Dum Lollipop for LaPorta to suck on while he heals. The ingredients were two parts corn syrup, one part lepruchuan.

Evan Longoria – Rays are still saying September 1st is Longoria’s return date. On a real baseball note, the Rays seem like they’re having one of those special seasons where it doesn’t matter who gets hurt. They could fill Willy Aybar in for their 1 thru 9 hitters and it wouldn’t matter.

Al Reyes – Declined his minor league assignment and is now a free agent. Here’s some obvious speculation, Al Reyes’s new home will be with the New York Mets.

Troy Percival – Supposedly Percival will be able to return without surgery. He’s still due to miss 2-4 weeks, which in old man weeks is 4 weeks. I still like Wheeler to be the Rays closer.

John Maine – 5 scoreless innings only to have the bullpen give it away. He walked four through five innings. Against a better offense, this line may not look as good.

Jason Bay – 2 HRs and a steal. Manny who? The guy who hits a home run every game for the Dodgers. Oh, right!

Adam LaRoche – HR yesterday. 6-for-20 since returning, which for him is hot.

B.J. Upton – After being reprimanded two times prior for lack of hustle, he jogged to 2nd yesterday and was tagged out. Well, everyone knows you shouldn’t rush a B.J.

  1. BSA says:
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    Grey, follow up on previous post – Wandy is up against Wellemeyer and Bronson at home. Either way I’ll pick him up and drop Harang while I watch how Wandy recovers this week.

    With Braun and Kinsler getting hurt, how does Alexei look now for someone?

  2. Baron Von Vulturewins says:
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    That sucks about Kinsler, though I can’t cry too hard because the guy in my league who has him is fighting it out for first, and I don’t like him. That guy has Hamilton, Kinsler, Peavy, Webb, Delgado’s surprise resurgence and he picked up Cliff Lee early — and he’s still not in front by 30 points. Which to my mind makes him a bad player.

    I have to say, one flaw to my mind in fantasy baseball is the ending… post-trade-deadline, last few weeks, when minor injuries take out major stars, and old guys on good teams sit for a week to rest.

    I don’t know how you fix it, but every season I’ve been in has been anti-climactic at the end. And these were close races! But it feels kind of antithetical to spend your last week dropping guys like Vlad so you can plug in Willie Aybar or Rick Helling.*

    *No, he doesn’t play anymore, but one year I was trying to cram as many starters into the last day of the season as possible, grabbing every schmohawk for that last push — and then Helling skips his final start for the Brewers because his WIFE IS HAVING A BABY.

    I’ve never forgiven him.

  3. 123 says:
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    Better keeper material? Edwin Encarnacion or Chris Davis?

  4. Joe says:
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    Can you rank these OF for me Grey?

    Bruce, H Matsui, Byrd, Dickerson, Rivera, Gerut, Fred Lewis

  5. wassup says:
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    Quick one, who would you start today?
    Polanco vs. Padilla(4.85 ERA)
    Uggla vs. Correia (5.12)

    Uggla is recently cold so im not sure

  6. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BSA: I’d prefer Wandy in those two matchups.

    “With Braun and Kinsler getting hurt, how does Alexei look now for someone?” Sorry, man, me no speaka your language, or I’m just having a stupid problem. Either way, I don’t understand what you mean. Come again.

    @Baron Von Vulturewins: Last year, in my oldest league with Rudy, I started every single Rockies and Padres pitcher for their one game playoff, while starting 10 pitchers the day before and I won by one point, that was climatic. Especially since I was in Chicago on a vacay with my girlfriend and we were stopping in Internet cafes between sightseeing stops.

    @123: Davis

    @Joe: Byrd, Dickerson, Rivera, Bruce, Gerut, Matsui then Fred Lewis. All are very close though and if you ask me tomorrow, I may switch a few of those.

    @wassup: Polanco

  7. Baron Von Vulturewins says:
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    @Grey: Sweet. There was some controversy in my league in the Helling year, because no one else knew you could do that — jam up with pitchers on the last day and reap all the Ks and Ws.

    We were tied for first on the second-last day (we being me and my co-manager, not me using the Royal We) and wound up winning by 1.5 points. Gustavo Chacin’s 7 IP of 1 R and a W was the difference. I went to a movie that afternoon to get my mind off of it. Didn’t work. (And the movie was pretty good! Serenity, that sci-fi film.)

  8. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Baron Von Vulturewins: You were Chacin wins and Ks all right. I was put over the top by 3 scoreless innings of relief by Matt Herges in the Monday playoff game between the Padres and Rox.

  9. Martin says:
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    haha kudos to you this is one of the most hilarious posts ive ever read

  10. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Martin: Thanks, man. Mucho appreciado.

  11. wassup says:
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    quick one, need to know who to start at 3rd today.?

    Mora vs. Dice-K (Mora’s been hot but he’s 0-6 lifetime vs him) or

    Beltre vs. Richard (hits well against lefties but he is in 2-15 slump)

    who do i start and why, thanks in advance

  12. Doug Ault says:
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    I thought I was on path straight to the top o my league when I traded for both Soriano and Sizemore,that was until Sizemore began playing like the Grady from Sandford and Son

  13. wassup says:
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    What type of music u guys listen to?
    Who’s the hottest US olympian right now?

  14. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @wassup: Lil Wayne, Lil Jon… Actually anyone Lil.

  15. wassup says:
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    Yeah, all the other lil’s mainly suck besides Wayne. I listen to mostly rap. Wats yo favorite songs right now?
    I listen to T-Pain, Akon, Wayne, Nas, Lupe, Busta Rhymes, Chamillionaire, The Game, T.I., Joe Budden , Kanye West, Ludacris, Wiz Khalifa, YoungJeezy, Trey Songz,

  16. Doug Ault says:
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    @Grey: Are Ishikawa and Dickerson pretenders or the real deal?

  17. Steve says:
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    @Baron Von Vulturewins: I’m not crying too much either as my opponent this week (who is also ahead of me in the standings) has him – and without him he don’t got much :-)
    Not very sporting, but whatever.

  18. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Doug Ault: Real deal Holyfield for this season? This week? Next year? I like Dickerson right now, that could change next week. He’s a good power/speed combo with Ks. I talked about him for three days last week.

  19. Doug Ault says:
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    @Grey: I thought the lead singer of Iron Maiden had taken up b-ball,I’m so ashamed

  20. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Doug Ault: Bah, bah, bah-bah-bum! Right? I know some heavy metal.

  21. BSA says:
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    ****Beckett Sunday pushed back to Tuesday****
    Tingling in his right shoulder from sleeping on it the wrong way before Sunday’s 8 ER performance. Don’t you hate when that happens.

    Grey, In a garbled sort of way I was trying to pat myself on the back for having Alexei Ramirez with Kinsler and Braun going down. See what happens when the kids wake you too early and you hit Razzball before the brain engages. Maybe I should adjust my RCL roster before trying to post here.

  22. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BSA: That makes sense with Beckett. Something was obviously wrong. Thanks for posting that update.

    re: other comment — Ah.

  23. Steve says:
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    @BSA: You’re not the only Al-Ram owner who’s smiling.

  24. BSA says:
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    Smiling and hoping to cash in on that poker chip.

  25. BigFatHippo says:
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    @BSA:

    Nice, that’s a great backup to have.

    I hate when players sit on your bench cause they’re not as good as the guys you start and pile up good stats.

    But when something like Kinsler happens you realize why you had him on your bench in the first place.

    I’m carrying 5 OFs cause nobody would trade for them, but how do you drop Maggs, Ludwick, Dye, Grady, or Hunter?

    Obviously you don’t.

  26. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: No, you trade one of them for a part you really need then pickup a different OF who is basically the same as Maggs.

  27. Grey

    Grey says:
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    *****Sherrill went to the DL. JJ will probably replace him.

  28. wassup says:
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    Who thinks Ervin Santana will get a perfect game or no hitter
    Through 3 inn. he has 5 k’s and no hits or walks

  29. BSA says:
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    All these DL blasts conjur up images from the carnival duck shoot. quack, quack, ding!

  30. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey:

    But alas, nobody would trade a useful piece for one.

    Best offer I had was Votto, Aviles and Gavin Floyd for Maggs and Webb.

    I threw up in my mouth and set the cat on fire. Felt better then.

  31. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @wassup: I’d say he gives up three runs through 7 and gets the win. Is that an option?

    @BSA: Hehe

    @BigFatHippo: If that was your best offer, then you did well to hold tight.

  32. BigFatHippo says:
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    @wassup:

    Santana vs. Shields tonight, guess who I got?

    Bite me.

  33. BSA says:
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    Pieces at times my ass, I held on to Harang in the RCL hoping! HA! Anyone got a bucket of balls to trade for him.

  34. BigFatHippo says:
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    @BSA:

    I’ll trade you 1 Joe Crede and a Brady Anderson rookie card.

    That’s about all he’s worth.

    Interestingly, Harang’s on my bench in my money league. Don’t know why, guess I refuse to drop a guy Grey told me to go get.

    Dig

  35. BSA says:
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    I don’t even like the Reds and now since I turned my nose up at trades and I have the stinker I won’t drop him.
    Ya mean Harang wouldn’t get me new tires for my Ridgeline? C’mon man!

    We cat haters have to stick together.

  36. wassup says:
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    @BigFat Hippo: who you got?
    i got ervin

  37. BSA says:
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    Hey Grey, Totally off baseball but since I am part of the Ridgeline Owners Club I noticed that someone worked with a file or template in Google Earth so members can enter their zip and you could egt an idea of where people are located in the US with push pins that show up on a map and have your screen name.

    Anything you’d want me to check into?

  38. BigFatHippo says:
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    @wassup:

    I got Shields, hence the “Bite me”. Looks to be a pretty good matchup, can’t believe I dropped Swervin Ervin in May.

    @BSA:

    1 tire, the spare, you purchase the other 4.

    BTW, I like cats. With a little soy sauce and a hint of lemon pepper.

  39. BSA says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Hold on while I puke at that thought since I made chicken with lemon pepper for dinner.

  40. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BSA: Could you give me a link so I can see what you mean?

  41. BigFatHippo says:
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    @BSA:

    Are you sure that was chicken? Did you pluck it yourself?

    You can’t be sure of anything these days brother, I had Chinese for lunch.

    The St. Bernard out back was missing a leg, hmmmmm.

  42. BSA says:
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    Check out Davis tonight -love him on my bench!

  43. BSA says:
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    Cueto and Harden having a nice night as well. I’m psyched Cueto is next to Davis on the bench in different leagues.

  44. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BSA: Yeah, the link worked. It’s kinda cool, just not sure why we need something like that.

    Davis was in my lineup. Snap!

  45. BSA says:
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    Not a need – just cool. I know winter is coming and trade chats I am sure will be slowing down.

    Anyone having problems with Yahoo posting the starters before the game starts? Two of the west coast games didn’t indicate starts until the game had started. Beltre is list as not starting but is playing. Weird?

  46. knighttown says:
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    I have moderate (40) innings overage to work away at and the potential to start 4 pitchers tomorrow. I don’t have to sit anyone per se so who would you start of:
    Peavy @ Arizona
    Meche @ Cleveland
    Parra vs. Houston
    Lilly vs. Cinci

  47. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BSA: Yahoo sucks.

    @knighttown: I’d sit Meche if I was looking to shave some innings off. And possibly Lilly.

  48. BSA says:
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    Hey I’ve been offered Rollins for Alexei. He has Parra and I was thinking of asking for Parra with Rollins, or should I just go with Alexei for Rollins. I could also try and get a Burnett/Rollins for Atkins/AlRam. What do you think?
    Right now I have Tulo and Davis sitting.

  49. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BSA: I’d do Rollins for Alexei.

  50. BSA says:
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    Dumb question because its hard not to look at his cold numbers, planning on his correction over the coming month? Alexei and Rollins have been pretty similar so far with Alexei garnering more HRs.

  51. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BSA: I’d bet on the guy that’s done it repeatedly to do it again, rather than the guy who’s doing it for the first time. Just being safe. Chances are they’ll be close, but Rollins is safer.

  52. BSA says:
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    Hear ya thanks! With him in there I like my infield for the stretch – Ianetta, Fielder, Utley, Rollins, Wright. Iffy outfield and backups – Markakis, Grandy, McLouth, Ankiel, and Wells.

    Now how many objections you think it’ll get? Reminder that every trade until I ripped the league in a Razzy way has had at least one objection.

  53. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BSA: I think it gets a few objections, yeah.

  54. BSA says:
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    Tulo worth anything more than a bag of balls at this point or leave him as a potential backup? Trade deadline is this week.

  55. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BSA: I’d hold him in case he gets hot when the Rox are at home.

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