KC Royal Rumble!
April 13, 2009
Category: Y to Z
With apologies to the great baseball writers that are from KC and/or write about the Royals (Bill James, Rob Neyer, Joe Posanaski), we decided to honor the Royals’ acting like a real sports team for the past 15 years by converting their roster into the best combination of sports and acting there is: professional wrestling.
C: Miguel “Tiger Chung” Olivo
1B: Mike “The Snake” Jacobs
2B: Mark ‘The Miz” Teahen
SS: “Iron” Mike Aviles
3B: Alex “The Commissioner” Gordon
OF: David “The Man of 1000 Yawns” DeJesus
OF: Coco ‘B Ware’ Crisp
OF: Jose “The Animal” Guillen
DH: Billy “King Kong” Butler
Bench: “Captain Lou” Alberto Callaspo
Bench: Kila “Kowalski” Kaaihue
Bench: Leaping Willie Bloomquist
Bench: John “Million Dollar Man” Buck
Bench: Gloadberg (Ross Gload)
P: Gil “The Rotator Cuff” Meche
P: Zack “The Missing Link” Greinke
P: Brian “The Brain” Bannister
P: Sidney “Gorilla” Ponson
P: Luke HocheVar Erich
P: Joakim “Superfly” Soria
P: The Worthless Relievers – Brandon Duckworth and Kyle Farnsworth
P: Ravishing Ron Mahay
Best Historical Royals Wrestler: Paul “Mr. Wonderful” Splittorff
Runner-up: Dan “Special Delivery” Quisenberry
Tags: Alberto Callaspo, Alex Gordon, Gil Meche, Zach Greinke
April 13th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Please don’t forget, Darrell “Eagle Eye” Porter.
http://www.baseballtoddsdugout.com/porterkc.jpg
@IowaCubs: His glasses remind me of:
(http://www.wwe.com/content/media/images/Superstars/29272/wizard1_profile.jpg)
April 13th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
@IowaCubs: That guy has some impressive chest? hair.
April 13th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Drop “The Miz” for Scutaro?
@Tim: Nah
April 13th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
anyone hear more on the glavine arm problem?we`ll call him the G-MAN,if he`s on your team,he`s going to kill you
@AL KOHOLIC: He’s old with arm problems, you need more info?
April 13th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
*This just in*
Orlando Hudson goes for da cycle.
Proceed as normal.
April 13th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
@Grey: na,just hoping for a hanson moment
@aconstipatedmonkey: O-Dog!
@AL KOHOLIC: Ah… I think it’s going to be a Charlie Morton moment.
April 13th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
@AL KOHOLIC: by the way,nice to have you back,hope you didnt get food ,sun or alcohol poisoning
@AL KOHOLIC: Good to be back!
April 13th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
@Grey: got Uehara going against rangers tonight,think i`ll sit him tonight,,o and lewis is proving me wrong so far,hitting real well
April 13th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Ah Chad – how do I love thee? Let me count the Ks.
April 13th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Citi field broke in early,1st batter hr from gerut
April 13th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
@Steve: i know,hippo`s kept him in the other league,but lilly did me great today
April 13th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Wow. Dodgers score 11 runs and Manny and Kemp do dick. I also have Randy J. Triple Whammy. All those that love Fantasy Baseball say Aye.
April 13th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
@AL KOHOLIC: Watching ESPN coverage here.
Erin Andrews needs to lose that big coat, though…
April 13th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
@Steve: yeah,she looks good in it but better out of it,,luckily my gal janel likes her ,she`s not lesbo but i can dream
April 13th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
baseball isnt the only fantasy i like playing
April 13th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
@Steve: @AL KOHOLIC: K Dog thought I was crazy for offering Kazmir for Bills two years ago. Who’s crazy now?
April 13th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
@BigFatHippo: your not crazy,just a bit drunk
April 13th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
Beej Upton is back; walked, stole second and third then Pena drove him in.
April 13th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
Oh, and Wang sucks wang.
April 13th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
Lowrie on the DL and O Hud hits for the cycle, wha?!
@Doc: Love that.
Oh, and that was in response to the BJ stealing.
April 13th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
@AL KOHOLIC: Not yet, but I’m off tomorrow and the Cards have a late game.
@Doc: Didn’t take BJ long to get hot, then again, um, I got nuttin. Carry on.
April 13th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
@Doc: i hope he gets crawford going to,crawford stole a base also,,i like the 1-2 punch,then longoria=runs
April 13th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
@Grey: Why don’t you love the Wang on wang action? That is classic!
April 13th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
@BigFatHippo: cool,ill be up late to,,might need an early night cap here in a mnute
April 13th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
@Grey: @Doc: I’ve given my Wang a rest, and I’m glad I did.
April 13th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
@BigFatHippo: I’m going to the Cubs/Cardinals game on Thursday. Can’t wait to freeze my arse off. Oh and see some baseball. Looks like it will be Marshall and Wainwright.
April 13th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
@Grey: Love the Royals post btw. Jose “the animal” Guillen? Hehe. (bat over head) “Ponson!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
April 13th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
the big unit looks good for 2 innings then the age factor hits,,kinda like me running the 5 yard sprint,im good the 1st yard then it gets rough,,P.S im faster fou put a beer at the 5 yard marker,might even dive,then teater on my swolen fat gut
April 13th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
@Doc: Oh yeah, you guys definitely got the advantage in that one.
April 13th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
@Doc: marshall wainwright and no bradley,go big albert
April 13th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
@BigFatHippo: Sarcasm?
April 13th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
@Doc: Pinkie to mouth.
April 13th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Dye and Konerko back to back 300 for each,,cool
April 13th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
@Steve: I’m ready to put my Wang on the waiver wire.
April 13th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
@BigFatHippo: beer to mouth,repeat step 1 till 2 jose reye`s appear to be hitting
April 13th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
hehe, BJ just added insult to pain by getting a bunt single off the Wang. I’m still laughing hysterically.
April 13th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
@Doc: Yeah – I’m thinking about waiving my Wang too.
April 13th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
posada`s arm looks great ,4 sb`s against already,
April 13th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Doc and I are here all week, BTW.
April 13th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
did you see uptons catch,,awesome,
April 13th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
@Steve: Bet Wang would like to choke BJ. Boom-tish!
April 13th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
@AL KOHOLIC: Yeah, that was nice. He’s putting on a show so far.
April 13th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
YES!!!! Wang’s final line 1+ IP 8ER greatest razz performance ever!
April 13th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
wang that says Mr. Pena,9-0
April 13th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
@BigFatHippo: Don’t you have Pena in our keeper?
My H2H opponent has him too. Sheesh.
I rested my Wang in our keeper and my H2H league. Phew.
April 13th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
@Steve: @AL KOHOLIC: YESSSS!!!!
AHHAHAHAHAHAH <=======maniacal cackle
You guys will rue the wrath of the Hippo, strikeouts be damned!
April 13th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
@AL KOHOLIC: @BigFatHippo: That’s a nice-looking top 3 we got right now, boyz.
April 13th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
@Steve: your well rounded on off. and pitching,i like my team,need young pitchers to step up,hippo needs healthy arms,webb,hammels,i gotta root for hammels,got him in RCL,and webb is from,louisville
April 13th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
@Steve: i might try a H2H next year,have to see if theres much difference in managing,but we do it in football and i like it,
April 13th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
@AL KOHOLIC: It’s all I’[ve played (5 years) up until this year. It has its good points, but it can be pretty random. One bad or unlucky week in the playoffs and an otherwise dominant season is in the toilet.
I’m really enjoying roto so far.
April 13th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Baron! You can come out now! Davis hit a dinger!
April 13th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Davis homers to raise his average to .087
April 13th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
@Steve: Are we 1,2,3 right now? My stattracker’s not working, may have to conficker it out later.
April 13th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
@Steve: persistence gets you everywhere,ive seen guys come from way back to win or get in the money with key moves ,trades or just a little luck,,i had 2nd sowed up last year then roscoe came back in the last 2 weeks to pass me,then i went middle reliever crazy to beat him out by like a point or 2,,yes hippo ,we know,,you won,
April 13th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
@BigFatHippo: As of right now, I have 99, Al K has 93 and you have 84.
April 13th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
keep on k,ing hippo
April 13th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
@AL KOHOLIC: @Steve: If I could throw Bills every day I’d win again. Grey was right about him, Cy Young in the making.
April 13th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
@BigFatHippo: I have him in my H2H league.
And Hart too – just traded Chipper for him. Only had him on the roster a couple of days and he’s homered both times.
Of course, now I want to flip him for Kemp…
April 13th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
@BigFatHippo: all those closers i got,and 2 frikin saves,i swear next year im getting 1 stud closer,torro,r.j and roscoe holding money till late,i never could save money
April 13th, 2009 at 6:18 pm
Now Gallardo getting tagged
April 13th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
@Doc: Beautiful. I dropped EE yesterday…
April 13th, 2009 at 6:22 pm
@Doc: Good. Schadenfreude!
April 13th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
Randy Johnson, Gallardo both tagged for me in one day. So far this year has been the worst for my pitching getting MASHED UPON.
April 13th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
@Doc: gets 2 outs then walks 3 hits bruce a grand salami ,,good wang impersonation
April 13th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
@agarthered: m.l.b runs scored have got to be high this year
April 13th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
In my big money league my team is 3/30 with 3 HR’s
April 13th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
@Doc: Ouch, can’t figure out if that’s good or bad. Sorta Branyanesque.
April 13th, 2009 at 7:04 pm
@BigFatHippo: It’s not good
April 13th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
SONOVABENCH!
I bench Eithier and Bruce do to slumping and match ups for Spills and Choo. STUPID STUPID STUPID… i’ve had these guys in for 8 days straight and today i fidget with my line up! STUPID!
April 13th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
@Tony Y: Roster Roulette. Dangerous game.
April 13th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
@Baron Von Vulturewins: yeah i usually dont even have top backups,in football either,s with life in general also,my decision making seems to be a weak spot,,
April 13th, 2009 at 7:42 pm
Swisher just pitched a scoreless inning in Tampa!
April 13th, 2009 at 7:45 pm
@Baron Von Vulturewins: Another case for filling your bench with pitchers, be it starters or relief.
I had Dye, Maggs, Ludwick, Hunter and Cruz late last year to fill 3 outfield spots. Fricken nightmare!
April 13th, 2009 at 7:48 pm
@Steve: 5 more and he qualifies in Yahoo!
Nice pick-up.
April 13th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
@BigFatHippo: Thanks. But no sooner had I clicked the button than Giambi doubled home a couple.
Pity I dropped EE though…
April 13th, 2009 at 8:00 pm
@Steve: but swisher`s obp helps in our 7×7,
April 13th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
think picking Liriano ahead of billingsley is dumb now?
April 13th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
@AL KOHOLIC: @Steve: @BigFatHippo: Did you guys see Swisher come in, in a relief appearance. He pitched better than Wang!!! 22 pitchers to retire the side with 1 BB and 1K!
April 13th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
pick up Pat the Bat and drop Travis Snider?
April 13th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
@Zebo: not saying he doesnt come on,but i stayed away from him this year,went with hammels and gallardo,,
April 13th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
@Zebo: I wouldn’t do that but I would try to find some way to get Burrell on my roster.
April 13th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
@Zebo: Yes, bad on you. Didn’t you see Grey say Bills is Cy Young this year? Listen to the man, he’s Nostradomusish! ish.
@BKK: Didn’t see it, but pick him up and drop your Wang, hehe, he said wang. Sorry, can’t get over that.
April 13th, 2009 at 8:50 pm
@Zebo:pat in that lineup?catch him when he`s hot and numbers abunch,but dry spells are common
April 13th, 2009 at 8:52 pm
@BigFatHippo: @AL KOHOLIC: Who’s gonna close this thing for St Lou.
I have Franklin in a couple but Motte benched in my H2H…
April 13th, 2009 at 8:52 pm
@BigFatHippo: are you getting close to the big d yet????/ @BKK: no i didnt see swisher pitch either,watching the reds KILL retarded gallardo,
April 13th, 2009 at 8:53 pm
@Steve: hope its motte,but if he blows it might drop him in both leagues,,
April 13th, 2009 at 8:57 pm
I want Franklin to blow this one bad!!
April 13th, 2009 at 8:59 pm
@agarthered: if it was a 3 run lead maybe motte,,that might be the new factor,1 run lead=fraky,3 run =motte till he walks 2
April 13th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
yeeeeeeeeeah mama! my first save without a closer. yeah
April 13th, 2009 at 9:04 pm
You would think with eyeballs that huge, Braun would hit better. Go figure.
April 13th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Yessssss!!!!!
Ladies and gentlemen, reptiles and crocodiles, your new Cardinal closer.
The Amish beard!
April 13th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
The beer is flowing like wine tonight! 3 of my duds from last week turned to studs today. Howard, Bruce, and Davis. Heffing Hawesome!
April 13th, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Ohud is intriguing me now. Jose Lopez has me worried and I’m looking for his potential replacement. Hitting for the cycle aside, 3 things are pulling me to pick up Odog right now….
1 – He has 2 HR’s in a week
2 – He has 3 SB’s in a week after only 4 total last year
3 – He hits in front of Manny
I know I should fight the urge, but I’m really urging hard for the Odog right now. What to do?
@Colin: Ha!
@Frank Rizzo: If you want to replace Lopez with him, go for it.
April 13th, 2009 at 9:21 pm
Chris Perez is stashed on my roster, so technically, I got 2 saves tonight.
April 13th, 2009 at 9:35 pm
BeeTeeDubya, for what it’s worth.
Ludwick has a 17 game hitting streak, dating to last year. Longest in MLB. Hippo thinks he’s still the real deal……
Yippiekayaaaa……mini sirloin bugers……..!
@BigFatHippo: thanks.
April 13th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
@RT: That makes 3 in AAA right?
I think he stays there all year, he’s only 23. Needs seasoning.
April 13th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
@BigFatHippo: me u and stevo 1-2-3 in keeper league,,i just need some starts to pile up,jaba,zimm only 1 start so far,plus even without motte saving,i`ll get up there in saves and k`s,,
April 13th, 2009 at 9:45 pm
@Rudy Gamble: What do you think about Webb? Stash or sell? Worried?
April 13th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
@AL KOHOLIC: tony doesnt trust young guys and thinks perez is the future closer so i see himm waiting till callup time maybe for him unless franky stinks
@BigFatHippo: Don’t mess with pitchers that are having arm problems. It’s not worth it.
April 13th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
@Grey: I knew you’d say that, but he’s on my DL. Sell low?
April 13th, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Hard to sell a pitcher on the DL.
April 13th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
@BigFatHippo: billingsly didnt throw more than 6 pitches to any batter today,,you might be on to something there,but even being a louisvilleian,i dont trust webb either@Grey: what do you think of hammels,bad game or bull,he`s not right
April 13th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
and how do you guys get this thing to seperate responses to 2 different people,,when i submit it ive got them one on top of the other,then it shows up running together,,i know,im just stupid
@AL KOHOLIC: I think Hamels is trouble too.
Just hit enter twice before hitting the arrow next to the time under the person you are talking to.
@BigFatHippo: Yeah, you don’t want to sell him for 50 cents on the dollar.
April 13th, 2009 at 10:38 pm
@Grey: thanks,hippo just called to tell my dummmm ash how to do it,,,and grey/rudy,,i see why you dont trust sp`s,,this year has been nutty on them,sure some have done great but 50% of the top 20 is a risk,not counting injury,believe me, im still high on this year and my team but is it me or are you guys always ready for next years daft,,the draft itself is the pennical,the season is long and grueling,but the draft is it,,
April 13th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
None of my pitchers pitch & I still have a 2.00 WHIP. Thanks, Swish and ESPN.