On my way back from a charity fundraiser for koalas who are addicted to pot (This is why koalas sleep 23 hours a day!), I started thinking about the ways I could make this a better world — in addition to the koala relief work. Do I open a pet cemetery in the shape of a giant toilet bowl? Do I manufacture yarmulkes with curly locks attached to the side? Or should I just point out ESPN’s top fantasy analyst, Eric Karabell’s misuse of brains?
As always, you need to be an ESPN Hindsighter™ to fully appreciate Karabell’s dumbitude, but I’ll cut and paste the relevant twigs and berries.
McLouth might or might not have hit the proverbial wall, but you don’t hear his name associated with fantasy MVP honors anymore, not after he’s hit .248 with nine home runs since June 1.
Might or might not have hit the proverbial wall. Hmm… Picture you sit down at a fine dining establishment — no, not Denny’s — and you ask the waiter if the Soup of the Day is any good. Now imagine the waiter says, “It might or might not be good.” Mommy, where’s Daddy? Erica, Daddy’s out hedging his bets. Then the next part about Fantasy MVP is pretty easy thing for him to say about McLouth, until you realize he was the one crowning McLouth Fantasy MVP back in May. I like to call this dish, “The Best Pile of Macaroni Salad You Will Ever Taste, Until I Point To Another Pile of Macaroni Salad and Say It’s Better.” It goes really well with “The Most Robust Wine You Will Drink Until You Have This Other One.” Am I the only one who’s stumped by this Jenga building of logic?
The Japanese import (Fukudome) is owned in far too many leagues for the numbers he’s supplying.
He was the one telling everyone to pickup Fukudome. Or did an evil cyborg take over Karabell’s human skin and give that advice? Or is there a tiny alien inside Karabell’s human skin and he hasn’t figured out the controls yet for the brain?
For the final month, (Jay Bruce’s) OK and should, along with Joey Votto, hit some home runs, but neither guy is tearing it up. Votto has hit .320 since the All-Star break, but with only two home runs. Other Reds with two home runs since the break include Corey Patterson, Javier Valentin and recent callup Chris Dickerson. Bruce has hit eight home runs since then, but the .240 batting average negates quite a bit of it.
He told you he was this year’s Ryan Braun. The Ryan Braun of numbers we see hardly never — even if we go back to the days of The Tin Lizzie and when people called their friends, contemporaries? Yeah, that Ryan Braun.
Okay, here’s ESPN’s fantasy coverage. Appetizer — McLouth will be the best hitter of this season, bar none. Entree — McLouth will have some struggles, but this is a horse you wanna ride. Dessert — I just shat into a dirty ashtray and you ate it. Hey, Karabell, go get your shinebox!