This is the last Buy/Sell of the season so I was going to title this post, “Grey Needs A Vacation,” but who wants to hear about what I need? This is all about what you need for your precious fantasy team. Ooh, I’m Random Razzball Commenter, and I need a young, studly outfielder with power, speed, average and goes by the name of Avisail Garcia. Fine! You got it, RRC! Sorry, was I shouting? Let me take a deep breath off of this glass contraption that blows smoke into my face when I suck. There we go. Mellow yellow, Donovan. Yay, baby! So, sadly, another Buy/Sell year comes to a close and we sure did have a blast. Member that time I told you to sell Chris Davis? The laughs we’ll have about that while you try to hunt me down with a bow and arrow. Or the time I told you to buy Matt Kemp only for him to hurt his female parts the next day. Oh, yes, good times, over-the-internet friends! You know what the guy who wears a beret and makes sandwich at Au Bon Pain says? C’est la vie, you want extra muenster cheese on this? Except for the muenster cheese part, there’s wisdom in those words. Oh, and Avisail Garcia, right! Yeah, he’s hitting out of his mind right now (near .400, showing power and speed). There’s only a few days left, but I’d absolutely grab him if he were out there on waivers. He’s also someone I’ll be very excited about next year — in fourteen after twenty. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Michael Brantley – He could’ve been the lede with how he’s hitting, but he talked bad about my momma. No one talks bad about my momma! He’s also over 50% owned in ESPN leagues, but just barely and I figured what the hey, as Fonzie’s horse says.
Charlie Blackmon – The light-skinned Blackmon has been on a tear for about — oh, let me look at how long the Rockies have been at Coors — ten days. They’re on the road for the final series of the season, but I’d give Blackmon a try to see if he can keep his hot hitting ways going. The good news is the Rockies are on the road to a Dodgers team that will be throwing everything but the kitchen sink at them since they clinched already. I hear Edward James Olmos is starting Sunday’s game.
Jon Jay – Hitting .345 in the last week with 3 steals in the last eight games and zero RBIs. The Federalist doesn’t pile on; he believes in the democratic way.
Craig Gentry – You, “So, I have mustache-envy. I want your handsomeness, but since I can never find such peace of face, I’d settle for steals.” Then grab Gentry.
Jarrod Saltalamacchia – As I’ve mentioned a few times before (1700 times, give or take 3), I’m going over the end of the season rankings right now that will be posted next week. Catchers are such a wasteland that Salty actually shows up and he’s not over 50% owned now, nor do I think he has been at any part of the year. Alas, if you’re struggling, maybe he can give you something in this final push.
Justin Smoak – I’m not going to do any whack-ass puns on Smoak. This Justin, I’m a new man. DAH!
Jonathan Schoop – Wasn’t he in That Thing You Do and married to Christina Applegate? Maybe it was a different guy. Schoop was touted highly in prospect circles, which is a few steps above a circle jerk in the food chain of circles, in order: Circle Jerk, Circle of Trust, Circle K, Prospect Circles, Circle of Confusion. I’m not sure I trust Schoop as much as others to evolve as quickly as next year. Maybe he can give a 15-homer, 10-steal season, but that seems like a ceiling rather than a floor. Any the hoo! I’d grab him in deep keeper leagues in case he gets an infield job out of spring training, and could be a short-term add for the final few days in redrafts.
Ed Lucas – Promise this is the last nice thing I say about Ed Lucas ever: he’s been hitting well recently. There! Done! …Okay, one more thing, he looks like a guy I’d trust to watch my dog.
Eduardo Nunez – The only news ever about Nunez is how he’s inferior to Jeter. I wonder if every day Nunez wakes up, his alarm clock plays Englishman in New York. That’s gotta be how he feels. Nunez, a gentleman, will walk and run.
Vic Black – I doubt he sees anymore save chances, but you just never know what the Mets are gonna do? They gave their kid’s college tuition to Bernie Madoff to invest and have a mascot that has gigantism.
Trevor Rosenthal – Since he replaced Mujica, he’s recorded three straight saves, and I’m pretty much convinced anything the Cardinals do will end in success. If the Cardinals can’t make something work, they send them somewhere they will never be heard from again. See Mitchell Boggs in Colorado.
Ryan Vogelsong – I’m knee deep in the Stream-o-Nator for these starter pick-ups. I’d start Tom Koehler if it meant winning because I just needed a few more Ks and ratios didn’t matter, so I like Vogelsong but obviously he’s not super safe, which is different than the bonus round in Supermarket Sweep.
Yusmeiro Petit – Imagine you find a rotten apple with maggots in your refrigerator. Imagine you eat said apple. Imagine you vomit said apple into the garbage. When the vomit is still piping hot from your body temperature, that’s what Petit looked like in the start I streamed him, but he gets a decent matchup on Saturday.
Yordano Ventura – I’m a fan. I’m kinda pumped to write a rookie outlook post about him in November. He throws gas, and not like when you fart into your hand and throw it into someone’s face.
Marco Estrada – The last day of streaming with a guy I touted the living shizz out of in the preseason? One last chance to make good on my promises or one last chance to turn the knife? We’ll see. All I know is when I was writing up this blurb, my iTunes played these lyrics, “Radio playing some forgotten song, Brenda Lee’s “Coming On Strong” and the newsman sang his same song…Oh, one more Estradar Love!”
Anyone for Anything – Which is also the positive of “Not for nothing,” Mother Albright’s favorite phrase. This is it, guys and four girls. We’ve come to the point in the season where you drop any players just to get stats you need. Put all your cards on the table and play to win and fight for your life and leave it all out on the field and wrassle with gators and don’t tread on me lightly and old glory full of fury and anything else that was ever used as a title for a college coach’s autobiography. This is your time. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose!