Jorge de la Rosa left the third inning because of elbow soreness. I thought it sounded ominous at the time, but I also thought it might’ve been the older, Hispanic lady riding her bicycle passed my window chanting, “Flores para los muertos.” It turned out it was a combination of both. Jorge’s gonna be sleeping with the pisces for a while as he heads off to get Tommy John surgery. Elsewhere, Rubby de la Rosa was promoted by the Dodgers. Up and down day for the de la Rosas, apparently. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Carlos Gonzalez – Had a big day in the doubleheader at Coors. Multiple home runs, RBIs and runs. A ménage à trois of fantasy goodness.
Matt Garza – Heads to the DL as his elbow auditions for Kerrywood. Elbow, “I have to bend that way for the part?” “Yeah, this is Kerrywood, baby. Nobody pays for ground outs and fly outs in Kerrywood. If you ain’t striking out, you’d done struck out.” That sounds like something Ricky Jay should be saying while shuffling cards. With Garza’s elbow feelin’ kinda Wrigley and gumming up his season, I’d DL him but I wouldn’t try and buy low right now. Elbow issues on pitchers aren’t — how do I say this? — good.
Brian Fuentes – After he lost another game on Monday, he laid into the A’s manager, saying, “There’s just no communication. Two games, on the road, bring the closer in a tied game, with no previous discussions of doing so. I don’t think anybody really knows which direction he’s headed.” He went on to say more, and this is a Razzball exclusive! Fuentes, “I suck, but you suck more for trusting me. Furthermore, you didn’t TELL me I was supposed to not lose. I thought maybe we were doing the whole ‘Major League’ thing. So was it also wrong to sleep with Corbin Bernsen’s wife? Now I look like the A’s-hole!”
Grant Balfour – Hey, it’s Jim Bouton’s favorite speculative closer. Balfour will see some save chances as Fuentes figures out how to play The Blame Game. Eff why hoo, Bailey is due back soon.
Matt Holliday – Half empty: Could miss the series at Petco because of a tight quad. Half full: He’s a lifetime .203 hitter in Petco.
Andrew Oliver – Will get Coke’s start on Saturday vs. the Sawx. When Stephen just went over him, he said, “(Oliver’s) statistics show a pitcher who is getting the job done… Baseball America, “projects [Oliver] as an impact arm.” That can mean a solid middle rotation starter. Finally, I’d like to see him throw his 93 to 95 MPH fastball at Grey’s big, stupid head.” Hmm… Okay. Like a dentist might say, “Sweet, but there’s a caveat.” Oliver may only be a spot start and vs. the Sawx it isn’t worth the agita. In AL-Only leagues, grab him. Keep in mind, if he pitches well, he’ll be a hot add.
Ryan Madson – 1 IP, 3 ER. He really couldn’t pick a worse time to revert to his old Cuddle Boy ways. It’s like he’s on The Voice and Christina is telling him that he needs to step up his game because Contreras is coming back and then he burps during Stand By Me and loses to Frenchie.
Ricky Romero – 7 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks. Bit of an uncharacteristic start for Romero. Usually he strikes out twice as many. His name still drives me crazy though, bringing to mind Prince’s Batdance. Stop the presses! Who is that? Ricky Romero! Ricky Romero!
Frank Francisco – 2/3 IP, 2 ER. Now has a 6.23 ERA. Frank2 has now given up 5 runs in his last 2 innings. Jon Rauch hasn’t been much better. Dotel is also there for potential SAGNOF. You can speculate if you like, but this shizz is ugly.
Jose Bautista – You know the world has gone crazy when you see the Blue Jays scored four runs and you’re like, “Damn, Bautista hit 4 solo homers.”
Brian Roberts – Was told to rest for at least three weeks. Backdate that to last year.
Alfredo Simon – Threw a perfect inning and didn’t even have to use his AK.
Jair Jurrjens – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks. Is it too much to ask for some effin’ regression?
Joe Mather – Didn’t play yesterday, but is hitting over .500 in the last week. For what it’s Wuertz, I grabbed him in one deep league.
Charlie Morton – 7 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks. You know how when you have multiple teams that are different depths you get a guy that is performing well on a deep team and he slowly makes his way onto shallower teams? That’s Morton for our teams. Started on a 12 team NL-Only team and now he’s on a 13-team mixed league team. And that was probably only interesting to Rudy and I.
Josh Beckett – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks. I gotta be honest, I might not like him simply because he seems like the guy at the front door of the frat party that tells you in order to get in you have to drop your pants and sing James Ingram’s Just Once, but still doesn’t let you in because you accidentally skip the “Make the magic last for more than just one night” line. Though that might just be me.
Alex Gordon – Now has back-to-back games with a home run and a modest five game hitting streak. If he was dropped in your league, it might be time to pick him up again.
Danny Duffy – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners (3 BBs), 6 Ks. In his short time in the majors, he’s throwing too many walks. I’m watching him; you can watch him…Shoot, let’s watch him together! But I’d hold off on picking him up in mixed leagues for right now.
Josh Collmenter – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 1 K. The line looks better because of an error. He gave up 3 additional unearned runs. He’s an iffy mixed league starter. Choosy fantasy owners don’t choose iffy starters. However, he gets the Astros next time out. In case you forgot, Ed Wade’s Toupee put that lineup together.
Mike Leake – Instead of LeCure, Leake will take Friday’s start. Dusty said he’s hoping this Leake doesn’t leave a burning sensation.
Jerry Sands – Hit a grand slam yesterday. Went 4-for-4 the other day. Suddenly, Sands is heating up. Is probably on waivers in just about all mixed leagues. He may not have everyday playing time when Ethier returns today, but I’d take a flyer in some leagues to see if he’s the latest hot schmotato.
Rafael Soriano – Shut down indefinitely. Joe Torre, as played by Paul Sorvino, must be impressed. He’d usually overwork them for a year before they broke down.
Curtis Granderson - 4-for-5, 2 Runs, 1 RBI and a partridge in a pear tree.
Derek Jeter – 0 for his last 10, now hitting .254. Anyhoo! So, I was at Kennedy Airport the other day and in front of me in line at Starbucks was Minka Kelly. With my best heavy New York accent, I said, “You better not break Jeter’s heart like you did to Jason Street.” She looked like she wanted to blow a rape whistle.