J.J. Hardy has been hotter than a Latin woman frying chorizo in the Sahara desert. Why she is in the Sahara is fodder for a J.J. Abrams movie. In 2008, Hardy hit 24 homers and .283 in his fourth big league season. Then poof. Nothing. He vanished. Or did he? It’s the real Hardy Boy mystery and, if he did it in a small bucolic town, it could be read as voiceover by Keith Morrison on Dateline. He’s still only 28 years old and capable of 20+ homers over the course of the season. Over the last ten games alone, 3 home runs and hitting .395. Next week, the moon! And Abrams might have a thing to say about why the moon too. If Hardy’s on waivers, I’d absolutely grab him to see if he can continue to hit and stay healthy. J.J.’s dyn-o-mite! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Tommy Hanson – Scratched from his Friday start with a sore shoulder. Hanson’s value goes Mmmmplop. Hopefully, he just needs a few days, but a shoulder problem… Well, just keep telling yourself he’s gonna be all right.
Randall Delgado – Will take Hanson’s Friday start. Where did I just read about him? Oh, I know! Here, two days ago. Stephen just dropped his Randall Delgado fantasy on you. He wrote it while sitting outside of Diane Lane’s house. Creepy!
Chipper Jones – Glass Chipper left yesterday’s game with a groin strain. Vegas pays out a nickel for every thousand dollars bet that Jones would get injured.
Jordan Schafer – 5-for-6, 3 runs and a mention in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell. It’s Friday, ya’ll!
Jeremy Guthrie – Left the start yesterday when his back went all spastic. That sounds like an adjective my elementary school teachers used to describe me.
Zach Stewart – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks. Was called up to take Kyle Drabek’s spot in the rotation. Stewart’s numbers this year in the minor leagues leave something to be desired. Something like a better K-rate. He’s a passable flyer in an AL-Only league and not kosher in mixed leagues, i.e., pass-over-able.
Jon Rauch – 0 IP, 2 ER. The Blue Jays will be holding auditions for closer at the West Covina Mall this Saturday from 10 to 2.
Adam Lind – 2-for-4 and his 14th home run. I drink Lind’s milkshake!
Tsuyoshi Nishioka – Returned from the DL and went 1-for-4 in the three hole. I had a friend who’s found great enjoyment in the three hole. Personally, I don’t– Wait, what? Oh, Nishioka. He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell. I look forward to you skimming it on your mobile phone while you go to the bathroom.
Michael Cuddyer – 2-for-4 with his 10th home run. On Wednesday, he stole three bases. On Tuesday, he hit another home run. Finally, he’s hitting .643 in the last week. For those who have him at 2nd base, you did well and I’m a little jealous. Are you happy now?
Grady Sizemore – 0-for-4. I try not to talk about the same players every day because then it gets boring for both of us. I’ve now gone over a month since my last Sizemore mention. On May 12th, I told you to sell him. Since then, he has 1 home run, zero steals and is batting .203. I don’t think selling is an option anymore. Now you have to start thinking about cutting bait.
Jayson Werth – 2nd game in a row with a home run. Wanna have your mind blown? Okay: 34/10/26/.240/9; 25/10/27/.292/2. The 1st one is marginally better because of the steals, but when you consider draft cost… Well, the first one is Werth; the second one is Laynce Nix. Of course, Espinosa has been better than both of them at middle infield, but no one wants to own him.
Brian Gordon – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks. Started in place of Colon, he’s a herbathrowdite that was recently in the Phillies minor league system. He had Bugs Bunny-type numbers this year in Triple-A — 56:7 K:BB, 0.83 WHIP in 55 1/3 IP. Those are the kind of numbers that give hope to Brian Anderson and Tony Pena Jr. with their position reassignment. I wouldn’t touch Gordon in mixed leagues yet, but I would look at him in AL-Only leagues. Maybe one day ESPN can do a movie on him starring Chaz Bono.
Chris Snyder – His wife was attacked in a traffic dispute. In a related story, Scott Cousins’ wife ran over a pedestrian.
Clay Buchholz – Left his start yesterday with lower back stiffness, which is less awkward than lower front stiffness.
Jake Peavy – Looked great in his rehab start. Better bring him up immediately before he gets injured again.
Zack Greinke – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 10 baserunners, 10 Ks. His ERA is now up to 5.23. BUY! Seriously, don’t walk, run and buy him. His K:BB is 70:9. That’s a thing of beauty. That’s in 53 1/3 IP. Schnikes! I wouldn’t be surprised if he has a 2.50 ERA the rest of the way. Here’s Grey, here’s Grey going on a limb. Snap or no snap? No snap!
Cliff Lee – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks. Superb Lee.
Matt Garza – 6 IP, 5 ER and the conshellation win. Any time you wanna pitch as well as your peripherals, Garza, feel free!
Gio Gonzalez – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks. Continues to be a must start at home and must take ulcer medicine because of his control issues.
Jose Lopez – 0-for-3. Getting some starts at 3B for the Marlins as they long for the Jorge Cantu era. They’ve even asked if he’ll change his name to Jose Cantulopez and answer to the nickname of “El Melon.”
Moneyball – I know, big fantasy news here! Still, I’m giddy for this movie. How could you not be? It’s a movie that hinges on Scott Hatteberg. A couple of thoughts on the trailer (which I’ve posted below). Would’ve loved to been a fly on the wall for this pre-production conversation: “We need an actor that can convincingly tell Brad Pitt he can’t pay retail prices for players?” “Well, he’s gotta be nebbishy… Paul Giamatti?” “Too old. Too goy.” “Hey, how about Jonah Hill?” “Brilliant!” Also, can’t wait for this scene in the movie: “Who’s that sidearmin’ fella?” “The name is Bradford. Chad Bradford.” Finally, this is the kind of movie that will have end titles about what happened after the movie ends. Hope it reads something like this, “The A’s never did win a World Series and all of their relative success was due in large part to Eric Chavez, Miguel Tejada and Jason Giambi — three juice heads.”