I am most excited about drafting Jedd Gyorko. I am most confident that first sentence sounds best if said in an Apu or Balki Bartokomous voice. Surprised that Gyorko feels like he’s under the radar still even though he had 23 homers in only 125 games and for about a month after he returned, he was playing hurt. Playing Hurt was also the lead single off my 2nd album, “My Heart Goes Poof When You Smoke Out My Hormone Juice.” It didn’t sell well, let’s move on. 23 homers in 125 games at 2nd base. Let that sink in for a second. Sunk yet? Not stunk? No. Sunk. As in sunkpendous. How is he under the radar?! Seriously, I interrobang that. It makes no sense. Or no cents if you only deal in paper money. Oh, and he’s eligible at 3rd base in some leagues. Do you people have any idea what a wasteland 2nd and 3rd base is this year? Well, you’ll have a better idea on Monday when I release my rankings, but take my word for it right now — it’s a wasteland like New Jersey after a good rain. Anyway, what can we expect from Jedd Gyorko for 2014 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?
Well, to the second point first. He’s a sleeper because I’m seeing him drafted about fifty spots after I have him ranked. He reminds me of a young Dan Uggla. I will call him Younggla. Let’s break down each of his stats, shall we? We shall, we shall! First off, the Padres are hot garbage sitting out in your car trunk in the middle of the Sahara desert. *clicks tongue, covers nose* That’s a Bushman coming upon the Padres in a car trunk. I understand the lack of runs and RBIs. The best we can hop for is 80 of each with the jerk-o’s around Gyorko. Right now, I see him hitting between Headley and Alonso, but Carlos Quentin could mess that up. While CQ’s healthy, which won’t be for longer than 75 games, he’ll hit cleanup and Gyorko might bat sixth. Gyorko could easily bat third too. Hard to say right now. To be conservative, I’ll give him high-60’s for runs and mid-70’s for RBIs. Petco won’t do him any favors, but he’s shown his power plays there. In five months this past season, his home run totals were 6, 2, 0, 8 and 7. Which two months stand out as months he was hurt? If you said two and zero, you won a prize to be determined after you’ve forgotten you’ve won a prize. Did the injury linger into the offseason? No, he hit 8 and 7 homers the final two months. Could he hit 7 homers a month and come close to 40? Yes, yes he can. Zoinks! And this guy’s a sleeper? He hits enough fly balls to not need a 30% HR/FB rate to get 30+ homers. I’m gonna be very conservative because of Petco and give him 27 homers, but 35 isn’t out of the question. His K-rate isn’t great, but it’s not obscene. His line drive rate is decent enough, but he does hit a bunch of ground balls without much speed, so he’s as likely to hit .240 as he is to hit .270. Since he’s young, I could see him stealing a couple of bases, but that’s not his John Forté. For 2014, I’ll give him the line of 68/27/74/.259/2 with a chance for much more. I know it’s hard to get excited about a Padres hitter, but here’s one player no Bushman will be clicking and holding his nose over.