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Greetings! Tis I, the one and only Tehol Beddict, AKA Beddict Shmurda, here to put you on game and put lames to shame, but first let me show you how to do my dance. It’s been a rough week for your old pal, Tehol, as I’ve been house hunting, searching Seattle in it’s entirety for the perfect Beddict Mansion. I located what I believed to be my dream house, only to have my offer rejected for another in the wee hours of the night, sending me into the type of violent rage that would even make Mel Gibson cringe. The fury soon morphed into sorrow, as I curled up a$$ naked on the floor, cradling my beloved chicken, Beatrice, bawling my eyes out while screaming insults at the Elder Gods for all to witness. I tell you this, not so you’ll empathize with me, but so you’ll know that if some of my predictions end up being a tad off, it’s because the Elders are clearly continuing their massive and almost unbearable onslaught of punishment against me. This may sound as if I’m already making excuses, but if you knew the Elder Gods at the depths at which I do, you’d know never to curse them, let alone curse them within earshot of other mortals.

This week we’re just gonna touch on some second half predictions, have a little bit of fun, and attempt to not be fired (is Mediatakeout.com hiring?). Before we begin, I’ll let my main man, Jean-Claude Van Damme, drop some serious knowledge on that a$$; “A cookie has no soul, it’s just a cookie. But before, it was milk and eggs. And in eggs there’s the potential for life.” Ponder on that for at least 45 minutes before you attempt to move forward to the smorgasbord of information I have in store for you below, for if JCVD’s wisdom doesn’t resonate with you, the information below surely won’t make sense………Done? You may proceed. This is Disgrace/Delight.

 

Players Who I EXPECT To Delight in the 2nd Half:

Chris DavisCrush has hit right around .270 the past two season, so him staying near the Mendoza line in the 2nd half is a virtual uncertainty. Expect a ferocious hot streak that would rival Nicolas Cage’s from 96-99. The Rock? Con Air? Face Off, anyone? Yea, classic sh*t. Prepare yourself for the awakening of a hibernating animal so savage that even Khloe Kardashian wouldn’t f*ck it. We are all witnesses.

Domonic Brown- If I know Domonic the way I think I know Domonic, he will bounce back with the brilliance and radiance  of 1000 scorching suns, disposing of the competition with his otherworldly skill, showing off his Herculean strength, his cheetah like speed, and his mongoose like quickness…….The 46 RBI aren’t atrocious by any means, and as we’ve gone over many, many, many, many times, Brown has been butt-plugged his manager (not literally), but I fully expect him to man up and power through the blockade of hate Sandberg is throwing in his direction. Take heed.

Bryce HarperYou ever seen the movie, Gladiator? You know how Maximus just slaughters any and all challengers on his path to vengeance? Harper shall do the exact same thing in the 2nd half, leading the majors in home runs the rest of the way. I’m sure Bryce got together with Daddy and went over what was plaguing him thus far this year, and I’m positive they fixed the problem, cuz that’s what Daddy dearest does. Let’s hope Harper doesn’t have to die as did Maximus. RIP.

Pedro AlvarezDough boy fresh’s power numbers have been more disappointing than a M. Night Shyamalan flick. So the question is, what do we do with him? Trade him, you say? Negative, guys and gals, we’re going to trade FOR him. Few mortals have ever possessed the raw power Alvarez does, and it’s really only a matter of time before that streak comes that may possibly carry you to title-hood. With the addition of Polanco, Marte turning things around, and the aforementioned Alvarez lighting things up like a christmas tree, I expect a a monster second half from the Pirates as they attempt to claw their way into the playoffs.

Non MLB Delight:

Drake- Kudos to this dude, for I was shocked on how polished and professional he was up on stage hosting the ESPY’s. It truly blew my mind. I’m the biggest Drake hater there is (maybe was, now), but none can deny that there are even larger things in store for this former Degrassi High legend. Just imagine the kind and amount of tail this master of many professions bags. Yep, possibly even more than I, Tehol, and that’s impressive, let me tell you.

drake1

 

Players I EXPECT To Disgrace Their Owners in the 2nd Half: 

Justin MorneauPutting my boy J-Bone on the disgrace list is a bit harsh, but the power numbers simply aren’t sustainable. And considering he’s only hit above .300 once (and it was in 81 games) since 2008, neither is the average. Coors field will still keep him useful, but don’t expect the continued onslaught. Think of him as the Mickey Rourke of baseball; Yes, he bounced back in ways we never imagined possible as Mickey did with The Wrestler, but just as Rourke is back to doing straight to DVD trash, Morneau will regress to the form he’s shown over the past 5 years.

Nelson CruzThose roids have to fully leave the system at some point, right? I’m kiiiiiiiiding, ya’ll! Again, Cruz isn’t deserving of the disgrace tag, but there’s simply no way he keeps up his current pace, but you already knew that for you’re intelligent life forms. I’d expect about 12 more homers, putting him right around 40 for the year, but if you could sling him for say, a Chris Davis, you go ahead and do that and thank your Uncle Beddict later.

Taijuan WalkerI’m embarrassed as well as saddened to say this, but I’m officially off the Walker bandwagon and he should be dropped in all formats as there’s no arrival date in sight and he simply hasn’t been effective. It huuuuuuurts.

Non MLB Disgrace:

Drake- Sooooo, Drake is featured on the popular YG track, “Who do you Love” and it seems he basically stole his entire verse from west coast legend, Rappin 4-Tay, and thought nobody would notice. If you don’t know who 4-tay is, click THIS link and groove out to this legendary banger, which also happens to be the song Drake stole the lyrics from. How lazy is Drake to have to steal old lyrics and change them up for his own benefit….. I actually do the same thing on my Razzball posts, so maybe I should check myself. Still though, this is an embarrassing fiasco for Aubrey. At least he came to his senses and paid up $100,000 to 4-tay, and that’s got to be the most money he’s seen since, well, ever!

Thank you for joining me on another mind-numbingly awesome edition of Disgrace/Delight. With baseball starting up again later today, we shall have some actual numbers to discuss, as well as the usual Nic Cage/Christian Slater bashing. Your comments and questions are welcomed below and will be responded to with speed few others can match. I’m shooting a Microsoft commercial at Qwest Field on Sunday, so I may be hard to reach during that time but everything shall be answered. If you’re not following me on Twitter, feel free to do so now at @Tehol143, and we can have all the sports/movie conversation you can handle. It’s been fun. Beddict, out.

From Around The Web

  1. Qbert says:
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    What it is, tehol?? Been trying to move my theon “reek” greyjoy aka pedroia and was thinking of 2 possible deals.

    Pedroia/morneau/Doolittle for kinsler/Blackmon
    Or
    Pedroia/morny/Doolittle for kinsler/Harper

    Which one reigns supreme? Which one is more probable? Trades are tough in my league. Thanks boss

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Qbert: got to go for Harper all the way here, Q-ball. I’m all in. lets do it together. Probably tougher to get that one done tho realistically. Pedroia is reek hahahahahahhaah

      • Qbert says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: @Tehol Beddict: would it be too much to throw my Dickerson on my side of the deal? Obviously Harper > Blackmon but gonna be tough to sway the Harper owner yafeelme? Maybe that extra outfielder in return could get this thing rollin’

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Qbert: yea package all these mules for the da golden goose

  2. Tyler says:
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    “I’m officially off the Walker bandwagon and he should be dropped in all formats as there’s no arrival date in sight”

    He’s starting for the Mariners on Tuesday…

    • @Tyler: by Michael Hurcomb | CBSSports.com
      (07/17/14) Mariners starting pitcher Taijuan Walker has been pushed back to start Friday at Triple-A Tacoma, which means it’s unlikely he will be back in the majors pitching on short rest Tuesday against the Mets, according to the Tacoma News Tribune.

      “Taijuan just needs a little more time,” general manager Jack Zduriencik said. “He got up here this year, fairly quick (after battling a shoulder injury). That was, more or less, out of necessity. What we’d like to do is have Taijuan get a few more games under his belt. But we’ll see. We haven’t made any kind of commitment.”

      ALSO, The Rays are interested in Walker in any deal involving Seattle and David Price..

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Malicious Phenom: aaaand there it is. thanks, cuz

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Tyler: T-Loc, I live in Seattle homeboy. if he was starting shortly I’d certainly let you know, big dog.

  3. Julio White says:
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    3:30 p.m. – Tehol announces his work as a background fluffer in Microsoft commercial.

    3:35 p.m. – Microsoft announces plan to layoff 18,000 employees.

    ———————————————————————————-

    Seems about right.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Julio White: definitely not out of the realm of possibility

  4. Pat says:
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    Keep CJ cron or drop him for Adam Dunn for this weeks matchup?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Pat: ughhhhh am I too late. I like Cron dike.

  5. nolan ryan says:
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    which side do you like better Alex Gordon and Jose Bautista of Yoenis and Kimbrel?

    • Kyle Kendrick says:
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      @nolan ryan: bats side

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @nolan ryan: tha bats probably tho kimbrel is sexy beast, ja feel?

  6. Kyle Kendrick says:
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    Start segura or gennett at my MI spot in my league that locks weekly

  7. King Trout says:
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    Mookie Betts or Danny Santana. What is the point of bringing up a prospect if the red socks are not going to play him Everyday? Thanks for the read.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @King Trout: totally, I mean is there anything more frustrating. I was excited to get mookie but obviously was quite disappointing. I’d probably still go mook as sox need to play the youngins but just a hunch. I can look into it a bit more this evening

  8. Rubik's Pube says:
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    Good shit as always Tehol. I have all but given up on Davis, and your undying love for D. Brown keeps me laughing hard enough that it makes it all but impossible to put the shotgun barrel out of my mouth. Hopefully you can make some good money writing and ditch that job as a jizz mopper one of these days

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Rubik’s Pube: I know, right!?!??! Sports illustrated or penthouse should be blowing up my phone! I need a job

  9. Bobby says:
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    I am in a keeper league and pretty far out this year. Could I ask your opinion on the ten guys that you would keep on the following list? If you could rank them from 1-10 with 1 being the best choice that would be great. I would really appreciate any help at all.

    Hosmer, Machado, Freeman, Harper, Billy Hamilton, Stanton, Bogaerts, Kris Bryant, Buxton, Profar, Bumgarner, Sale, Teheran

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Bobby: I have a function tonight but I promise you I will look at this when I get home tonight and fill out. Thanks for reading

      • Bobby says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Thanks a lot for your help

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Bobby:

      1. Stanton
      2. Bryce Harper
      3. Kris Bryant
      4. Sale
      5. Machado
      6. Buxton
      7. Bogaerts
      8. Teheran
      9. Freeman
      10. Bumgarner
      11. Hamilton
      12. Profar

  10. osnam says:
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    Is Zack Greinke too much to expect yo get for Nelson Cruz? Could you please give me a few examples of pitchers I should target in return for Cruz? Thanks, always appreciated.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @osnam: possible I suppose. But yea I’d reach for the stars. Maybe strasburg. Scherzer. Gotta be some one big

  11. Steve says:
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    Rizzo or pujols ROS??
    Thx

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Steve: VERY tough call. I’m going Prince Albert by a nose as they make a push for the playoffs

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Steve: errrr, I mean rizzo

  12. WalleyWorld says:
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    Some dynasty questions for ya. Great read btw.

    Can you ranks all these long term for me? Thank you!

    Brett Anderson and Colin McHough.

    Prospects Alen Hanson, Trevor Story, Arismendy Alcantara, Adalberto Mondesi.

    Also trying to make a trade to acquire Puig/Sonny Gray. Would a package of D.Ortiz/Aaron Sanchez/McHough be enough to make it happen? Thanks again!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @WalleyWorld: will get to this when I get home in front of computer. I’m intrigued

      • WalleyWorld says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: interested to hear your take

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @WalleyWorld: I was once a huge Brett Anderson fan and loved Colorado swooping him up but he just seems cursed. While I believe him to be more talented than McHough I would have to go the other way based upon the fact Mchough has been better as of late and may still be on the rise where Brett is just snakebitten by the Gods.

      I would put Mondesi 1. I like alcantara but they seem to want Baez there. coin flip with other two.

      3. I wouldn’t except that trade if I was the other guy since ortiz old sanchez unproven and mcHugh hard to figure but best of luck on it. Thanks for reading, Pal

  13. Dylan says:
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    12-team dynasty. I need 1B/OF help for the stretch run. Ship Hoz/Anibal for Crush Davis/Heyward? Thinking that’s a no-brainer, right?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Dylan: that’s a definite no brainer, big dog. Get on dat

  14. Robert says:
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    With Street gone, is Benoit the new closer or do you think Benoit also gets traded?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Robert: he’s the closer. I suppose they could trade him also but not eminent

  15. sniff test says:
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    any objections to dropping Taveras now that Danny Santana is off the dl. I either keep Taveras or throw Santana back into the heap. Other choices are Morales or Soria.

    • sniff test says:
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      @sniff test: i kind of need steals..

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @sniff test: def santan then. taveras hasn’t even attempted one

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @sniff test: Santana as taveras has shown nothing

  16. sniff test says:
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    If I were a fantasy god…I would will that Soria goes to the Giants. Peace I’m out!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @sniff test: the fantasy gods may just make that exact trade. Giants sure could use him, tho many other teams could as well

  17. J Boy says:
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    14 team roto keeper – which side do you like? Melky/Haren for Samardjzia/Rajai.

    I need swipes and Melky is my 4th OF.

    Thanks!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @J Boy: you answered your own question. Rajai is a steals god but then again he always gets F#cked in the lineup every single year. dude should be starting somewhere every single day. bet he’d end with monster stats. Smadge/rajai for sure. i don’t trust either of the other two. thanks for stopping by

      • J Boy says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Thanks for the response – if I could swing Crisp instead of Rajai, do you like that better? Feel like it’s playing time with Raj vs injury risk with Crisp.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @J Boy: yea like his position in the lineup better. not huge difference but I believe he will play more down the stretch

          • J Boy says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: Thanks T – great write up

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @J Boy: thanks, J-boooooooy

  18. Zar says:
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    Heya Tehol,

    I was on the Dom Brown wagon with you, till I dropped him. Do you think he will out perform any of the following?

    Duda, Moss, Pence, JD Martinez, or Ryan Zimmerman?

    And I’m looking for a new MI. I have Gordon at 2b, Andrus at SS, and Dozier as my MI. Bogaerts, Hardy, Santana, La Stella, Jeter are available. Drop Dozier for any of them? >>

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Zar: I would hold on Domonic just because it seems the Phillies would like to play Sizemore, of all people in his place. id keep an eye on Bogaerts as he could be in store for big second half. homered today. dozier had that boom stick tho but you’re smart in looking for a replacement as he should fall off like a bad bag of dope

  19. hanklongball says:
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    ROS for SP… Salazar, Gausman or De La Rosa?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @hanklongball: I kind of like gausman to step up tho salazaar intriguing

Comments are closed.