Jason Heyward sat again yesterday in favor of Jose Constanza. I don’t want to shout fire in the theater of Razzball, but this isn’t good. Constanza is making Heyward look like the best seller at the jerk store. Actually, Heyward was kinda doing it to himself. This year he has 12 homers and a .222 average. Laynce Nix called and said he’s doing better. I think Heyward’s still dealing with shoulder issues and “You got on the wrong side of Glass Chipper” issues. Heyward can still be a star as soon as next year, but, for this year in redraft leagues, you need to start thinking like Big Boi and back up the back up plans. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Huston Street – Street’s closed, Rockies used alternative route to save the game with Rafael Betancourt. Street’s soreness isn’t said to be serious enough for a DL stint, but Street’s been known to laugh in the face of ‘not serious enough for a DL stint.’ Since Lindstrom is out too, I’d grab Betancourt for potential vulturing. If you need a dinette set, go with Rex Brothers.
Angel Pagan – Now has back-to-back games with a homer as he hits leadoff in Reyes’s stead. Dan Brown’s newest book, Angel & Pagans, tracking Mr. Met to the Vatican may start to gain some believers.
Kyle Blanks – 2-for-4 yesterday and has two hits in each of the last five games, including two homers. That all coincides with the Padres being on the road. Hey, Ray Kroc Jr. Jr., when a 375 lbs. power hitter is intimidated by your home park, it’s time to move in the fences.
Jesus Guzman – 2-for-4 as Jesus continues to do everything but walk on water. Though it’s only Wednesday.
Orlando Hudson – Left the game with a strained left groin. Hehe, he has two groins.
J.D. Martinez – Hit his 4th homer in his last six games. Legally I’m required to tell you I don’t think he’ll keep it up, but now it’s time to give J.D. his trial run.
Adam Dunn – Says he will alter his offseason training for next year. This obviously means he’ll limit his axe swinging, so rejoice tree huggers!
Justin Morneau – Should return next Monday, which will forever be known as Mornday.
Carlos Beltran – Out a few days with a sprained wrist. If he had a strained groin with his sprained wrist, I wouldn’t shake his hand.
Madison Bumgarner – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, moving his record to 7-11. Oh, thank heaven!
Dee Gordon – Left yesterday’s game with a sore right shoulder. Here’s hoping his middle initial isn’t L.
Justin Smoak – Out with a jammed thumb. He’s hitting .179 since the All-Star break. Smoak’s cooking with liquid nitrogen!
Michael Pineda – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks as he faced Alexi Ogando (2 2/3 IP, 6 ER, 10 baserunners) which was billed by ESPN as The Battle of the Tiring Young Pitcher. Mark Prior threw out the first pitch. Well, he rolled the ball to the plate and then shrugged.
Endy Chavez – Hit his 5th homer yesterday or the same amount as Aaron Hill, who has turned my middle infield spot into a Dead Endy.
Desmond Jennings – 1-for-3 with his 8th steal. That’s in 17 games. Conservatively, I’ll say he’s stealing two hundred next year.
Tsuyoshi Nishioka – 1-for-3, hitting .216. He looks like Kaz Matsui 2.0.
Francisco Liriano – 6 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners (7 BBs), 4 Ks. For those who can’t pick up on the context clues, 7 walks in 6 innings is not good. Some would say it’s bad. Johnny Cochran would’ve said it’s egregious.
Hanley Ramirez– Has been out since August 2nd as he nurses his shoulder. He has a nipple on his shoulder?! Five dollars of imaginary money says Hanley will be DL’d in the next day or so. As Jack McKeon said, “He wants to play, but if it bothers him and he can’t reach for the ball, what good is it? Can I leave now? You’re making me miss the early bird.”
John Buck – Has two straight games with a homer. Or to misquote M.I.A., Bucky Gone Gone.
Brandon Beachy – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks. Constantly amazed at how many people started asking if they should drop Beachy after his bad game in Coors and haven’t stopped asking. He’s been that bad? Not rhetorical!
Dan Uggla – His hitting streak is up to 30 games. In other news, water is dry.
Zack Cozart – Sounds like he’s headed for season-ending surgery. Dr. James Andrews, “Not ’til I say so. Muahahahahaha…”
Dontrelle Willis – 8 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks. Well, hello there! Wow. Where you been hidin’, Willis? I wouldn’t add him in all leagues, but in some deeper ones or where you need to gamble, I’d look at him.
Esmil Rogers – 6 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks and his third decent start in a row. Rogers works with a mid-90’s fastball, slider, changeup– Wait, who am, Stephen? Rogers should have a mid to high 7 K-rate and be in the rotation for the rest of the season as long as he doesn’t Mr. Bungle things. Esmil, “Holy chicken mole, this is enormous pressure!” In deep mixed leagues and NL-Only leagues, I’d grab Rogers to see if you can ride the lightning in a bottle or whatever that cliche is.
Josh Willingham – Hit his 2nd homer in as many games. Willingham, that’s just not kosher. Hasn’t cooled off since I labeled him a Buy on Friday.
Rich Harden – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks. Has more Ks than innings and finally looked impressive, like the old Harden. Well, actually, the old Harden would’ve thrown out his back after a teammate high-fived him.
Bobby Abreu – 2-for-5 with two homers. Abreu has been a good August hitter in the past, but his past goes back. For instance, you might hear him say things like, “I remember when baseball’s weren’t hit with bats but with steroids.”
Eduardo Nunez – 2-for-3 with his 17th and 18th steals to go along with his 4 homers. A-Rod has 13 homers and 4 steals. So Nunez is definitely no flop, but A-Rod’s hole cards of 52 RBIs and 53 runs are obviously better.
Chien-Ming Wang – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners (1 Hit), 1 K. He’s trying to get you to fall for the old-banana-in-the-tailpipe. Don’t do it.
Corey Hart – Returned to the lineup (hand) and picked up right where he left off (homer) and hopes to continue (wearing sunglasses at night).
Kyle Gibson – Partial tear of his right elbow. All those years his dad made him emulate his World Series trot couldn’t have helped.