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In the next few days, the Diamondbacks are bringing up their top pitching prospect, Jarrod Parker, to work relief.  He’s a starter though, so it’ll be “Parker poseur” for all you indie kids out there with dark-rimmed glasses, smoking American Spirits.  In 2009, Stephen wrote, “(His) elbow tightness, that caused him to be DL’d on August 5th leading to a visit to Dr. Freeze’s office, is either a bad thing or a precautionary visit.  Speaking of which, I’d like to send Grey to the doctor’s office with my fist in his face.”  Hmm… That last line totally snuck past me the first time.  So, as we all know, no one goes to Dr. Freeze for precautionary reasons.  Parker missed the entire 2010 season after Tommy John surgery.  That’s a long time to eat Jell-O.  Unless you can eat solids after Tommy John surgery.  I don’t know, I’m not a doctor.  This year Parker’s rebounded nicely.  His stats (7.71 K-rate, 3.79 ERA) don’t read like he’s all the way back, but the Diamondbacks are promoting him and will allow him to compete for a 2012 rotation spot.  I trust the Diamondbacks’ judgment more than other teams and would absolutely take a flyer on Parker in keeper/NL-Only leagues.   Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Dontrelle Willis – 3 1/3 IP, 8 ER, 12 baserunners and the last person who still had faith in Willis’ comeback lost it — Todd Bridges.

Juan Francisco – 2-for-4 with his 3rd homer.  I’m gonna let you in on a little secret.  Lean close to the monitor so the guy reading over your shoulder can’t hear.  Okay, not that close, you’re gonna ruin your eyes.  I’m gonna like Juan Francisco a lot next year if he comes away with a starting job.  I mean, a lot.  Hang a big blinking sign on him that says sleeper.  You know what I’m saying?  Yeah, you do.  Okay, now back away from the monitor, it’s getting weird.

Brandon Phillips – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and two homers.  I’m pretty surprised Phillips has been healthy and his power (14 HRs) and speed (10 SBs) are so down.  At 30 years old, he shouldn’t be falling off already.  Bring back steroids!

Brad Lincoln – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 1 K.  Stupid Lincoln!  I’m glad you’ve fallen behind Kennedy and Washington in modern day popularity polls.

Neil Walker – 3-for-4.  When he hit 2 homers in the first week of the season, I had such high hopes for this schmohawk.  He’s now hit 10 homers in the last 22 weeks.  That’s less than a half homer per week.  A half of a homer is a double.  So less than that means he’s stopping between first and second?  So useless.  I hate you, Neil Walker.

Starlin Castro – 3-for-4, 4 runs, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer.  Can we say he was the one bright spot on the Cubs season?  Unless you count Big Z wearing a burlap sack muumuu and hailing a taxi to Crazy-ville.

Jeff Baker – 2-for-4 with his 3rd homer.  It’s nice, but they don’t play him every day so it’s only worthwhile to note it in very deep leagues.

Brett Myers – 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. the Phils.  I didn’t trust him for this start, but on a more important note.  His beard looks like it was art directed by Tim Burton.  Or he looks like he’s in The Hart Foundation.

Roy Oswalt – 7 IP, 5 ER, 13 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Charlie Manuel, “I said bring your “A” game, not a game!  Now where’s my straw for chewing?”

Chase Utley – Scheduled his second concussion test.  Guess he forgot he already took one.

Eric Surkamp – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 0 Ks vs. the Padres.  He got the win, but this is his 2nd start against the Padres that hasn’t exactly made me a believer for this year.

Brent Morel – Had his 2nd 2 homer game in the last week.  My what a fancy mushroom you are! If you’re desperate for power, I could see taking a flyer hoping that he’ll stay hot for another two weeks.

John Danks – 5 IP, 7 ER.  My hate for Neil Walker is nothing compared to what I have for Danks.  I am Sideshow Bob and Danks is Bart.

Rafael Furcal – 2-for-5, hitting .292 over the last week with 2 steals.  He says he needs to get on base to steal bases.  Props to his baserunning coach.  Teaching some heavy shizz over there in St. Louis.  Next lesson:  After You Hit The Ball, Run To First.  Break it up into two parts so you don’t lose anyone.

Josh Willingham – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and The Other White Meat now has 2 homers in his last 4 games.  When he hits them, he hits them in bunches like Mr. Chiquita Banana.

Andrew Bailey – Wasn’t able to go yesterday because of being hit on the head by a Kurt Suzuki line drive.  Bailey said, “I’d be on a stretcher if it wasn’t for those Oakley sunglasses.”  Charles Oakley said, “You’d be on a stretcher if you took my sunglasses.”

Miguel Olivo – 2-for-4 with his 18th homer.  Speaking of hitting them in bunches, Olivo does too and this was his 2nd homer in four days.

Jeff Niemann – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks.  He gets the Sawx next which sounds like a sad trombone until you realize he has a 1.06 ERA vs. them in 17 innings this year.

Joel Peralta – Struck out three in a perfect inning for the save.  Stop circling your prey, save vultures, and swoop in.

Ryan Raburn – 4-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer.  He’s been so yawnstipating this year it’s hard for me to build up much excitement for him, but this could be the start of a week run of hotness.

Erick Aybar – On Sunday, he went 4-for-5 and yesterday he hit a homer.  EA is in the game.

Josh Beckett – Set to return this weekend.  We’re left waiting for Beckett to see if he’ll return to lay an existential egg.

Coco Crisp – Will miss at least three more days.  Snap, crackle, crap.

Manny Ramirez – Was arrested after a domestic dispute.  Maybe he was mad because his wife took his last fertility pill.  “Now how is Manny gonna be womanny?!”

80 Responses

  1. papajason says:
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    Ha! I laughed hard at the “Parker poseur” line, before I read the end… I actually do have dark-rimmed glasses and smoke American Spirits.

    And I smoke a lot more these days BECAUSE NO ONE ON MY TEAM CAN GET A FREAKING WIN!!!!

    Getting Desperate.
    Manny Acosta?
    Somebody like that?
    Is it even worth the roster spot?

  2. Deadwoods says:
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    Omar Infante had three hits last night, including a triple in the first. Has been hot lately. Is he worth a pick-up for a playoff boost? Thanks.

  3. Wilsonian says:
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    Ugly start to the Playoffs for me last night…

    Pick 2 out of: Smoak, Bourjos, Raburn, J. Francisco, Morel, Chisenhall.

    I worry that Raburn won’t get enough ABs, and I need guys to play, since it looks like I’ll have to bench two of my monsters (Tulo and Stanton) for much of the week.

  4. Matt says:
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    Hey Grey just wanted to send a fist bump for all your help this year. Something tells me that had I not been a reader of your blog, I wouldn’t be in the championship with a rotation of Hamels/Kershaw/Romero/Strasburg-Zimmerman/Marcum-Worley/Stauffer-Worley out of the pen. Power has been putrid since my #2/#3 picks had appendectomies in April but with that rotation + SAGNOF I barely needed it.

  5. Wilsonian says:
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    @Wilsonian: went ahead and activated Quentin and dropped Bourjos, then dropped Smoak for Morel. Hopefully Tulo or Stanton will pla so I can bench Reynolds out of my damn lineup.

  6. ichirosan says:
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    20 man 6×6 H2H dynasty league with OPS and Holds as the extra cats. We keep 20 out of 25 players based on a tiered system.

    I’m in the playoffs and looking to dump one of my players for a stream hitter spot because of Logan Morrison’s injury (and the lack of DL’s this time of the year). The thing is… would you drop Austin Jackson (a CF in this format, currently blocked by Matt Kemp) or Josh Reddick (who can play every OF position) in this format?

  7. Jon says:
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    Should I sit Masterson at Texas?

  8. OaktownSteve says:
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    @Grey: I can’t quite get the Neil Walker hate…though a friend of mine once said “expectations are the building blocks of resentment.” Maybe that accounts for it. In the meantime, Walker is the 10th rated 2nd baseman by my numbers, which is about what you would have expected and drafted him as. He’s played all year. He is, in fact, almost dead on league average in every category a little heavy in RBIs, a little light in HRs. A guy who wouldn’t win it for you, but also wouldn’t be dead weight or drag you down anywhere.

    I say you hate average, not only as a category but as a character description and dood you do dig the long ball.

  9. I-Man says:
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    Grey – H2H semis, his pitching is stronger and has been on fire while my rotation is in slump city. Should I just throw all my guys and hope for the counting stats? Specifically wondering about C-Bills vs ARI and Luebke @ SF today.

    My rotation: Beachy, Gio, Haren, Kennedy, D Hudson, T Hudson, Luebke, Collmenter, C-Bills.

    His: F-Her, Shields, Strasburg, Cliff Lee, Hamels, Matt Moore, B McCarthy, Fister, Shields, Garza, Hellickson

    I wouldn’t have gotten this far without your tremendous work, so thanks.

  10. Steve Stevenson says:
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    H2H finals start today (it’s a weird Tuesday league) – 2 lineup Qs:

    1. Pick 2 SP from Minor (v FLA-Hand, @ FLA-Nolasco), Moscoso (v ANA-Williams, v DET-Verlander), Javy (@ WAS-Lannan), and Luebke (@ SF-Cain, @ COL-Millwood). W, L and QS all count, as do IP, ER, K and BB. If I start Javy, I have the same # of starts as my opponent, otherwise I’ll be one up on him.

    2. For my last OF, go with de Aza (6 G, including 3 lefties, plus Quentin’s back), Swisher (also 6 G/3 LHP, but he hits lefties better, but but has a tender wing), or Krispie (heating up, but 5 of his 6 G are in LA or SD).

  11. Kiwi says:
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    Choosing between McCarthy @ DET or Nova @ SEA. Who’s a better bet across the board? It’s the H2H finals.

  12. Hi Grey … re: Neil Walker, I think you meant “last 22 weeks” and not “next 22 weeks.” Your stuff is almost always perfect so I re-read it two or three times to make sure I wasn’t missing a joke….

    And for my questions:

    How many bad games does it take for you to assume a hot hitter is no longer hot? Is two or three oh-fer games enough?

    And I have Jesus Montero, who seems to be starting more often than not and playing well. In a 20-team redraft roto league can I safely drop Iannetta (only 2 hits so far in September) for the last 15 days of the season? Or do you think there’s a chance Montero could start losing at-bats and I’ll wish I still had Iannetta?

    Grazie!

  13. Don PG says:
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    12 team mixed H2H keeper. Would you keep Pablo Sandoval, Brandon Phillips, or Shelby Miller? Have Longo at 3B, and my SPs are aging.

  14. Should I drop Desmond Jennings (8/54 over 14 days with OBP .233) for Dexter Fowler (17/45 over 14 days with OBP .462)? Thanks

  15. Randy BoBandy says:
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    Hart Foundation? Wow, that certainly rolls back the years!

    Now I feel old. And my team is out.

  16. God Complex says:
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    I’m sick of OF injuries and heinous football over-coverage. Help me pick 4 that will save my season:

    Murphy, C. Young, Pagan, Quentin, Crawford, Duda

  17. Long Bawls says:
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    Start Dempster tonight? Given his beard color, I’m treating him gingerly.

  18. The Burghler says:
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    Head to head 7×7 with ops/ks

    How would you rank these 3 guys for the playoffs? BJ Upton, Presley, Quentin.

  19. Rabbit says:
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    Grey,
    I’ll say it if no one else will: nice Waiting for Godot reference. And on Walker, my middle of the infield this year has been Walker, Kelly Johnson, and Alexei Ramirez, the triumpherate of Bleh. Like Omnia Gallia, my hatred of my middle infielders is divided into three parts.

  20. Ahhh…The Hart Foundation and Samuel Beckett, together again…nice work.

  21. MrHappyTime says:
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    Gee or Jerome Williams today?

  22. ACME says:
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    H2H standard…pick two for the last two weeks Aybar, Rollins, Walker or Dee Gordon?

    Also, Gee or Burrnett for spot start.

  23. Wake Up says:
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    Did you know that Brad Lincoln’s secretary is named Kennedy and Ian Kennedy’s secretary is named Lincoln?

    Both are starting pitchers
    Both went to college in the same state they were born
    Both were drafted in the first round of the 2006 draft
    Both were not coached by Ron Washington
    Both were succeeded by Josh Johnson…gosh!

    Don’t go to Dallas Ian…

  24. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @ACME: Gordon, Aybar… Tough choice…Burnett…

    @Wake Up: That’s awesome!

  25. Steve Stevenson says:
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    Pick 2 MI for the week: Furcal, Hardy, Asdrubal, R. Roberts. Thanks!

  26. CL says:
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    Grey:

    Dunno if yer still working today but, would you keep JJ Hardy at this point? I’ve been rockin Dee Gordon for at least a few weeks now and would like to use Hardy’s spot to pick up some upside, maybe even Jarrod Parker.

    10 team dynasty, I’m battling for 4th place this year.

    Thanks man!

  27. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @CL: Yeah, I’m still working. It’s 12:45 PM. I’d hold Hardy over Parker in a ten team dynasty.

  28. SwaggerJackers says:
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    I’m attending my first abandoned storage locker auction in about an hour. Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup!

  29. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @SwaggerJackers: Are you serious? That’s amazing. Report back how it goes.

  30. Wilsonian says:
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    According to Rotoinfo, Tulo is in the lineup tonight.

  31. AL KOHOLIC says:
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    @SwaggerJackers: ha,thats cool,as grey said,update us on any WOW FACTORS.

  32. Steve says:
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    @AL KOHOLIC: Come and join the fun in the keeper.

  33. Eddie says:
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    @Grey: $260 salary cap. Should I keep Gallardo at $23, or Dan Hudson at $25? Pitchers are wildly overvalued in this league, and strikeouts are king. Yo-Ga is averaging 18.8 points per start, 18.6 per start for Hudson.

  34. Buge Hoobs says:
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    H2H 8×8 (+L, ER, TB) playoffs …
    My weekly pitching usually splits the categories. Take a chance with Leubke tonight @SF and Cain?? Or you no likey??

  35. Trevor

    tggq21 says:
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    Grey,

    Where do you think you will hae Arencibia ranked next year for catchers? Black n Yellow! Kinda sad that your ripped on Neil Walker though(emoticon).

  36. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Would you take Jon Jay ahead of Dee Gordon, Murphy or Carlos Lee?

    They’re the only three guys I could drop for him. It’s H2H, OBP counts as well as AVG.

  37. paulzone says:
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    just need to be strong the last couple weeks to stay in first. who would you bounce on this team for any of these (suggest multiple if warranted). i have a 10 or higher out of 12 in every offensive cat (r, hr, rbi, sb, avg, obp, gidp) except errors (1 out of 12).

    hosmer, austin jackson, de aza, youk, rollins, quentin, stanton, stubbs

    my team:
    c-avila
    1b-fielder
    2b-weeks
    ss-reyes
    3b-longo
    rf-upton
    cf-crispie
    lf-gordon
    util-benfacio
    bench-adam jones, ackley

    thanks grey!

  38. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Hah – maybe you can take Murphy of that list.

    Love that guy.

  39. Steve says:
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    Braves offense needs to get a move on – don’t know if Minor’s going to be out there much longer.

  40. Steve says:
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    @Steve: See?

  41. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: I’d hold.

    @paulzone: De Aza over Jones… Hosmer over Ackley…

    @Steve: Yup

  42. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Thanks. Any idea what happened to Minor? Pitch count? Injury? Game situation didn’t look all that threatening…

  43. Steve says:
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    @Steve: And there you go. Surely they could have let him get one more out.

    Oh yeah – I’m against McCann this week. Sheesh.

  44. Steve says:
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    @Steve: And Pedroia. Little prick was 3-26 the last 7 days. Just another reason for me to hate his guts.

  45. royce! says:
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    I usually scan the comments for anything interesting, but am considering stopping because I keep getting this stuck in my head: “black and yellow black and yellow black and yellow black and yellow”.

    Actually, come to think of it, up until I perused the comments I had “paparazzi” stuck in my head, which made me consider never leaving the house again. You guys rule! Black and YELLOW!

  46. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Think it was just a pitch count thing.

    @royce!: Black n yellow!

  47. royce! says:
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    I always find the ad choices on this site to be interesting. Notably, there are 5 Totino’s ads on the current page, and one for Garnier Fructis, which I suppose I will need to wash all of the grease out of my hair after I finish 3 “party pizzas”…again.

  48. Steve says:
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    @royce!: Little punk.

  49. royce! says:
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    @Steve: At least half of that is verifiably true. I had him on my h2h team last year- seemed to always win when he was actually playing. Of course, he wasn’t for most of the season.

  50. Steve says:
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    Hmmm. Was hoping for a bit more than that from Howard with the bases loaded.

  51. royce! says:
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    And there have also been video ads, but always directed at women (look, I’m into “fragrance oil” as much as the next guy, but still). They are really going after the “one female reader”!

  52. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Pretty annoying they didn’t leave him in for one more out. He’d be in line for the win now.

  53. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @royce!: Well targeted!

    @royce!: There’s three female readers, please.

  54. Oilcan Giuseppe says:
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    is it just me or has Alex Gordon kinda overlooked this yr?…..

    .299 BA
    .371 OBP
    22 HR
    95 R
    16 SB
    70(!) XBH

    y’think he’s finally broke through and will now officially become George Brett,or will he revert and disappoint next yr?

    btw…hey Ned Yost,if youre reading this(and I know you are),maybe just get him like 5 games at 3B so that I wont have to draft a 3B next yr?thnks.

  55. Oilcan Giuseppe says:
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    @Oilcan Giuseppe: btw….that 70 XBH total is one less than A-Gon,Ellsbury and Granderson who all have 70.

  56. Oilcan Giuseppe says:
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    @Oilcan Giuseppe: I meant that they all have 71.

  57. Steve says:
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    @Steve: Bruce Chen. You’re kidding me, right?

  58. Oilcan Giuseppe says:
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    Tulo was taken out of the game.

  59. Steve says:
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    Uh-oh Kennedy.

  60. Steve says:
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    @Steve: Make it stop!

  61. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Oilcan Giuseppe: Yeah, was looking at him the other day. The worry is a low 20′s season can turn back to 15 homers and .260 and it’s not good.

    @Steve: Ugh, Chen.

    @Oilcan Giuseppe: Uh-oh.

  62. Steve says:
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    Oh Jesus. Moscoso getting clobbered too.

  63. Steve says:
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    Come on D-backs/A’s. Need some runs here.

  64. Steve says:
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    Come on Weeks!

  65. Steve says:
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    @Steve: You stupid prick.

  66. blaster says:
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    any thoughts on johnson getting the save for the O’s? Was it just a situational thing or is gregg getting replaced?

  67. Steve says:
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    OK – enough whining (for now). Time for a question.

    Gimme one for Thursday – Capuano v Nats or Eveland v Bucs?

  68. Steve says:
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    C’mon Robertson – need a Hold here.

  69. Steve says:
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    @Steve: Exhales. The guy has been nails.

  70. royce! says:
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    @Grey: My apologies to two female readers. Those ads make total sense.

    Now you just have to explain the Depends ad. Is that also for after I eat 3 Totino’s Party Pizzas? I am lactose intolerant.

  71. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Another D(ee) Gordon question. He’s my Util guy in H2H. Have him for speed and Runs (no kidding).

    Do you hold him over Furcal and de Aza?

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