Guess who’s back? *presses button on tape deck for my intro music, jams the buttons a few times trying to get it to work, calls up unemployed tape deck repairman, asks unemployed tape deck repairman why my tape deck doesn’t work, unemployed tape deck repairman patches me through to customer service person in India that his job was outsourced to, tries to communicate with Indian replacement tape deck repairman customer service agent, instead finds out about vacation rentals in Bangalore, gives up on tape deck* Forget the intro music; I’m having problems with my tape deck. I’m back, snitches! You miss me? I missed you too. Please stop touching my leg. I’m married now or as my new e-book title will be called, “Twenty-Two Days Left For An Annulment.” Now, I’ve gone over my Archie Bradley fantasy and Taijuan Walker fantasy and others. In the past, I’ve gone over what I think of rookie pitchers. They’re a lottery ticket that rarely pays dividends. I don’t mind grabbing one off waivers, but that’s usually all they’re worth. For every Jose Fernandez, there’s about three dozen Erasmo Ramirezes (Ramii?). There’s also a crapton of Carlos Martinezes. (Carlos Martini? Hey, Yovani Gallardo would like them. “I’ll have three Carlos Martinis and make them dirty.” That’s Yovani right before he’s about to drive home.) Rookie pitchers are guys that could be decent, but their usage is all over the map. Wacha would fall into this group too. With that said (reversal time!), I’m not sure why Jameson Taillon hasn’t been promoted to the majors yet. He doesn’t look like he needs to prove anything else in the minors. He could’ve helped the Pirates this year, and will help them next year. Only thing that was stopping the Pirates from promoting him was starting his arbitration clock. Like a Catholic school girl, the Pirates were trying to keep their booty to themselves for a little while longer. Why are all Pirates prudes? Cause they consider their booty a treasure. Take it, Highlights, it’s yours. I’d imagine if the Pirates waited this long, they’re gonna go the same route in 2014 for the first two months. We won’t see Taillon in the majors until June. So, what can we expect of Jameson Taillon for 2014 fantasy baseball?
Gerrit Cole from this past year. That’s the level of impact you’re looking at. Taillon’s two inches taller and a year younger (still only 22 years old), but otherwise they’re pretty much Mutt and Jeff, Abbot and Costello, mustard and whole grain mustard that comes in a little novelty barrel. Cole actually looked a little worse in Triple-A last year when looking at the stats that matter. Plus, Cole had that bizarre credo about throwing to contact. Safe that credo for Joey Cora when he’s throwing batting practice, okay? Okay. Taillon had a near-9 K-rate in 149 1/3 IP in the minors last year. Cole had a 6.22. Taillon gave up only 53 walks last year. Cole gave up 28 walks in only 68 Triple-A innings and he did fine on promotion. Taillon won’t be without his bumps in the road, but neither was Cole and he had a 3.22 ERA in Pittsburgh through 117 1/3 IP. By 2015, the Pirates will have one of the best one-two punches in baseball. After his June call-up, Taillon will give you the line of 8-5/3.72/1.25/98 in 105 IP with a chance of much more upside. Now just set your clocks for when the Pirates will start their clocks. <–symmetry points!