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Guess who’s back?  *presses button on tape deck for my intro music, jams the buttons a few times trying to get it to work, calls up unemployed tape deck repairman, asks unemployed tape deck repairman why my tape deck doesn’t work, unemployed tape deck repairman patches me through to customer service person in India that his job was outsourced to, tries to communicate with Indian replacement tape deck repairman customer service agent, instead finds out about vacation rentals in Bangalore, gives up on tape deck*  Forget the intro music; I’m having problems with my tape deck.  I’m back, snitches!  You miss me?  I missed you too.  Please stop touching my leg.  I’m married now or as my new e-book title will be called, “Twenty-Two Days Left For An Annulment.”  Now, I’ve gone over my Archie Bradley fantasy and Taijuan Walker fantasy and others.  In the past, I’ve gone over what I think of rookie pitchers.  They’re a lottery ticket that rarely pays dividends.  I don’t mind grabbing one off waivers, but that’s usually all they’re worth.  For every Jose Fernandez, there’s about three dozen Erasmo Ramirezes (Ramii?).  There’s also a crapton of Carlos Martinezes.  (Carlos Martini?  Hey, Yovani Gallardo would like them.  “I’ll have three Carlos Martinis and make them dirty.”  That’s Yovani right before he’s about to drive home.)  Rookie pitchers are guys that could be decent, but their usage is all over the map.  Wacha would fall into this group too.  With that said (reversal time!), I’m not sure why Jameson Taillon hasn’t been promoted to the majors yet.  He doesn’t look like he needs to prove anything else in the minors.  He could’ve helped the Pirates this year, and will help them next year.  Only thing that was stopping the Pirates from promoting him was starting his arbitration clock.  Like a Catholic school girl, the Pirates were trying to keep their booty to themselves for a little while longer.  Why are all Pirates prudes?  Cause they consider their booty a treasure.  Take it, Highlights, it’s yours.  I’d imagine if the Pirates waited this long, they’re gonna go the same route in 2014 for the first two months.  We won’t see Taillon in the majors until June.  So, what can we expect of Jameson Taillon for 2014 fantasy baseball?

Gerrit Cole from this past year.  That’s the level of impact you’re looking at.  Taillon’s two inches taller and a year younger (still only 22 years old), but otherwise they’re pretty much Mutt and Jeff, Abbot and Costello, mustard and whole grain mustard that comes in a little novelty barrel.  Cole actually looked a little worse in Triple-A last year when looking at the stats that matter.  Plus, Cole had that bizarre credo about throwing to contact.  Safe that credo for Joey Cora when he’s throwing batting practice, okay?  Okay.  Taillon had a near-9 K-rate in 149 1/3 IP in the minors last year.  Cole had a 6.22.  Taillon gave up only 53 walks last year.  Cole gave up 28 walks in only 68 Triple-A innings and he did fine on promotion.  Taillon won’t be without his bumps in the road, but neither was Cole and he had a 3.22 ERA in Pittsburgh through 117 1/3 IP.  By 2015, the Pirates will have one of the best one-two punches in baseball.  After his June call-up, Taillon will give you the line of 8-5/3.72/1.25/98 in 105 IP with a chance of much more upside.  Now just set your clocks for when the Pirates will start their clocks. <–symmetry points!

From Around The Web

  1. English says:
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    Welcome back. Congratulations on turning the ignition key on the start of your journey to the end of your life.

    I digress. Taillon is good, not “wow, did you see that guy Raikkon” good but he looks solid enough. Ceiling may not be quite as high as some others though you think?

    • English says:
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      @English:
      Ha WTF is Raikkon? Stupid phone.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @English: Ha…What is Raikkon? On Street Fighter? Relative to the daikon?

  2. bossmanjunior says:
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    Welcome back buddy! So how was your first time? I assume you waited till marriage.

  3. Max says:
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    Taillon is younger than Cole… Anyway, I dont think he has the ceiling that Cole has. Cole has superior stuff.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Max: Yeah, younger, brain fart on that…

  4. royce! says:
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    Welcome back, Grey. Hope you and the Coug’ enjoyed the wedding and honeymoon. We celebrated our 9th anniversary lately so you’d think that I’d have some advice but all I can think of is try not to be shitty to each other. Congratulations.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @royce!: Thanks, royce! I have some advice after 14 days, don’t shower… What she gonna do? Leave?

  5. Sky

    Sky says:
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    Suggestions for a strong marriage: separate bathrooms. That’s it, that’s all I got.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Sky: Good idea, I’ll have her use our neighbor’s!

      • Sky

        Sky says:
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        @Grey: That’s the way! Just make sure she brings her own TP. I find neighbors don’t like when you come over without the tush tish in that fashion.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          No problem there, with all of the tissue paper we’ve got in the last few weeks from wedding gifts, we got TP for days! Hopefully she doesn’t get anymore Styrofoam peanuts stuck in places though, what a pain…

          • Sky

            Sky says:
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            @Grey: They crinkle when you walk! At least you weren’t using bubble wrap. As enjoyable as it is to pop them between your fingers, between cheek and finger…well, let’s just say it’s just not the same.

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              I’ll make sure to leave the bubble wrap out for you when you visit…

              • Sky

                Sky says:
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                @Grey: I can already picture the conversation

                Cougs: Hun, why are there fireworks going off in the bathroom? What is your blogger friend doing?

                Grey: He’s part chinese. That’s what it sounds like when one of his race uses the rest room.

                Cougs: That’s really racist. Why did I ever marry you?

                • Carnac says:
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                  Grey: Because I’m not asian and you’ll be able to recognize our kids when you pick them up from school.*

                  *Paraphrased Grey joke. Please give all credit to Grey.

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  I think the phrase ‘blogger friend’ excuses everything…

                  • Sky

                    Sky says:
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                    @Grey: You can tell her we’re Blogger Friends Forever.

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Sky: that explains why the bathroom was soclean at your house. Has the smell left yet?

      • Sky

        Sky says:
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        @J-FOH: Nope, you’ve marked your territory. We’ve been having Hazmat crews come and go with zero level of success.

        • J-FOH says:
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          @Sky: There always be a part of me with you….or until you move to a new pad

          • Sky

            Sky says:
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            @J-FOH: We’ll call it ‘new home smell’ to anyone who asks when we go to sell.

  6. Chin Music says:
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    Welcome back. I hope the Mustache Ride did not experience any mechanical failures while you were at the carnival. I have Taillon, Syndergaard & Stephenson ranked consecutively on my keeper league draft list, in no particular order. I know Stephenson is further away from getting called up than the other 2 are, although Cincy being a perennial winner offsets that a little for me. How would you rank these guys’ keeper prospects for the long term?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Chin Music: Thanks! I’d rank them in the order you listed them…

  7. El Famous Burrito says:
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    Are you wearing sweatpants right now?

    If not, you should. You can also stop sucking in your gut.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Yes, and I haven’t stopped farting in two weeks…

  8. Wake Up says:
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    Welcome blah blah back…enough about marriage already…this is supposed to be a baseball site…so let’s talk about me…things you missed while you were gone…a mouse pissed in my toaster oven, while staring at me…a snapping turtle tried to bite off one of my fingers as I attempted to help him out of the road…and I saw one dog fuck another dog so hard that its dog dick got stuck inside of the bitch dog…sorta looked like an 2- headed, 8-legged dogopuss running across the freeway…reminds me of the Mets bullpen…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Which one was LaTroy Hawkins?

      • Wake Up says:
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        @Grey: Not sure…but Frank2 just went by dragging his butt across the carpet…

        (Hope everything went really well for you!)

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Better than him dragging his butt across my fantasy team… (Thanks!)

          • Wake Up says:
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            @Grey: #neveragain

    • fri-guy says:
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      @Wake Up: if a mouse did that in my toaster oven, i would have slammed the door and cranked up “toast” for a full dark cycle. 1 smooth, quick move and a few curses along the way.

      • Wake Up says:
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        @fri-guy: good call…I had a mouthful of bagel and was busy trying to not puke…also, don’t pickup a snapping turtle by the tail…live and learn…

        • goodfold2 says:
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          @Wake Up: you must not have spent much time around snapping turtles when you were a kid. Some crazy older brother of a friend of mine had somehow got an alligator snapper caught in a large metal drum and dragged it home once. we had fun dropping shit into the barrel to see how fast it would destroy it.

  9. Big Magoo

    Big Magoo says:
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    My two cents: keep a man room/private space for yourself and throw away your razor. Grooming is for bachelors.

    I forgot to ask Rudy last week, but I’m in the middle of preparing a toast for my buddy who’s scheduled to lose his freedom in less than two weeks. My plan is to keep it short and sweet (2 min. or so) and funny yet sincere without being too sappy. Any advice?

    • J-FOH says:
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      Welcome back. Jaywrong was as nice as can be… I’m waiting for the hazing to begin.

      I will not be bringing up that 8 lettered word again, you’re living it bro….you’re living it. If things ever get bad you can crash on my couch, might have to fight the dog for it, but it’s all yours.

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        Thanks! I just had an idea, switch all beds with couches so when one is booted out of the bed they’re booted out of the couch and into a bed…

        • J-FOH says:
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          @Grey: all men need a hammock too

          • Grey

            Grey says:
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            Where’s SteveNZ? He’s all about the hammock…

            • J-FOH says:
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              @Grey: I want one in my closet at work.

              • Grey

                Grey says:
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                Nice idea…

              • Grey

                Grey says:
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                Hahaha… There’s the hammock I was thinking of…

                • SteveNZ says:
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                  @Grey: And welcome back of course. How was Hawaii?

                  • Grey

                    Grey says:
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                    It was fun… I rode a dolphin! That was awesome… I also gained seven pounds in nine days… Welcome to marriage, belly! Overall, it was just relaxing… Nothing earth-shattering, but fun and low stress…

              • goodfold2 says:
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                @SteveNZ: that looks like laying down in a hang glider.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      You should ask Rudy, he gave a great best man’s speech for me… His was about 3-5 minutes and lots of laughs…

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Grey: anything blush worthy? he didn’t start a story with “One time we decided to get a couple of hookers and an eight ball”?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          He did mention that I used to smoke Menthols which might’ve been a surprise to my father’s side of the family, but whatever, it’s old news at this point…

          • J-FOH says:
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            @Grey: I have been working on a new juice that tastes like menthol cigarette. I like it a lot. i know you don’t care for tobacco flavors, but i drink and I don’t want a pink starburst flavored vape with my dos equis.

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Yeah, not a fan of tobacco flavors and especially not menthol… But my mom would be a customer if you were about to match the menthol flavor of Pink Spot (her favorite)…

              • J-FOH says:
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                @Grey: whats her nic level. I’ll make a bottle and send to you to send to her.

                I think I know the pink spot flavor too, it’s like a purple bluish color

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Yeah, that’s Pink Spot… She’s moved to 8 recently, down from 12…

                  • J-FOH says:
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                    @Grey: perfect I have been using a 12 mixed with a 6 so it should be perfect….mama albright’s getting a christmas gift from J-FOH

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Ha, awesome!

                    • Prez says:
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                      @J-FOH: found a new spot in berkeley. Skyline vape.. its pretty awesome. Finally got some uncle junks.

                  • J-FOH says:
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                    @Grey: I got to start somewhere in case I’m ever in NY and need a place to crash

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      She’ll always have a room for JFoH…

        • Mike says:
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          @J-FOH: He ranked all of Grey’s ex-girlfriends with Hooker-Tron.

          • Grey

            Grey says:
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            HA!

      • Big Magoo

        Big Magoo says:
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        @Grey: Nice. I figured Rudy would come through. I’m guessing that I shouldn’t bring up the story of the groom-to-be getting stripped down and spanked by a stripper on stage earlier this month?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          That sounds like exactly the place you want to start…

        • SteveNZ says:
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          @Big Magoo: Keep it quick, and keep it clean.

          • SteveNZ says:
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            @SteveNZ: Which is pretty much how all wedding speeches should go, IMHO.

          • Big Magoo

            Big Magoo says:
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            @Grey: @SteveNZ: Just kidding (about telling the story, not about it actually happening). I plan on keeping it pretty short and clean, although it’s an adults-only reception, so there’s that.

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              If you want to keep it short, have a dwarf deliver the speech for you

              • Big Magoo

                Big Magoo says:
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                @Grey: Oh no, no, no. Dwarves are a sore subject around him. He tried to get a dwarf stripper for another friend’s party a few years ago… The agency sent a male stripper by “mistake”… Let’s just say that threats were made and the dwarf tried to recoup bus fare back home, which only made things worse…

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Bummer about his lack of appreciation for dwarves, are you sure this a friend for you?

                  • Big Magoo

                    Big Magoo says:
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                    @Grey: The dwarf was a specific request from the guest of honor, and the “mix-up” threw a wrench in the plans. A male stripper being sent to a party full of drunks who are expecting a female? It could’ve gotten ugly. Really strange. Although I guess the whole thing was strange to begin with…

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Nope, sounds totally normal!

                  • Big Magoo

                    Big Magoo says:
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                    @Grey: And he appreciates dwarves. Who doesn’t?

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Okay..Whew!

                  • Big Magoo

                    Big Magoo says:
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                    @Grey: Hey, save some sarcasm for the wife. It’ll come in handy.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Ha…She loves me, in spite of it all…

        • Funny, sincere, not too sappy. That sounds good.

          If you’ve got the material, you can go for up to 5 minutes probably. But try to trim the fat. I’ve heard a lot of stories that just plain sucked and feel like they went on forever. I don’t think I had much more than a couple lines go by without a joke or something sincere (and to the point).

          If you email the speech, I can give you some notes…

          • SteveNZ says:
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            @Rudy Gamble: One I would add, is avoid the ‘you had to be there’ stories. It might have been hilarious to the three of you that *were* there, but the other 120 people at the wedding, most of whom are probably desperate to get back to the bar and get another drink, don’t give a shit.

            • yup. if it’s not funny in the retelling, it’s not worth it as part of the speech.

              i’d also stay away from sad stuff. cougar’s maid of honor brought up 9/11. bringing up pictures of the wrong rudy w/ that one. our friend larry’s best man had an awful story that i vaguely recall as “this time in college…i was lonely and depressed one night…bought cheetos, lotion, and kleenex…and then Larry asked if i wanted to go out for a beer…i was so happy….i didn’t even need the lotion that night thanks to larry!”

              • SteveNZ says:
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                @Rudy Gamble: Seeing your best friend get married is sad enough without piling it on ;-)

              • Grey

                Grey says:
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                Haha

              • Count de Monetball says:
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                @Rudy Gamble: I’m not exactly sure, but after reading that story, I have this stuck in my head “Your best friend Harry has a brother Larry
                In five days from now he’s gonna marry
                He’s hopin you can make it there if you can
                ‘Cause in the ceremony you’ll be the best man”

              • J-FOH says:
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                @Rudy Gamble: That guy needs a do over on that one. Bringing up 9/11, that’s got to be a top ten toast no-no.

                Only Rudy can ask this question, did Grey ever look at his phone/answer commenter questions during the reception?

                • 9/11 was brought up by the cougar’s maid of honor! but, yes, it’s a no-no though top 10 is a little high.

                  here are some i can think of that beat it in no particular order…
                  1) mentioning sexual history of either the bride/groom – i remember u when u were such a whore!
                  2) saying that either the bride/groom is unattractive
                  3) stories making the bride/groom look like a loser
                  4) saying the wedding is crappy
                  5) anything racially sensitive – dropping ethnic slur, appearing in blackface, etc
                  6) noting they thought the bride/groom was gay
                  7) mentioning disease history of bride/groom
                  8) mentioning Hitler/Holocaust
                  9) mentioning that your partner is better than the groom/bride’s choice
                  10) inferring that the bride/groom settled – including references to a guy losing his hair, potentially needing viagra, bride’s biological clock ticking…

                  • Grey

                    Grey says:
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                    Hey, I only checked three off this list for my speech!

                  • J-FOH says:
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                    @Rudy Gamble:mentioning the time you had sex with the bride or any of the bridesmaids. “I remember ten minutes ago when I drilled the one with the big tits in the bathroom”

                    • especially if that’s the groom’s sister.

                  • J-FOH says:
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                    @Rudy Gamble: Ha!…Hey now!

          • Big Magoo

            Big Magoo says:
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            @Rudy Gamble: Thanks, I might take you up on that. I just prepped my main story today. It’s clean, relatively concise, and not too embarrassing, so I think it works. Still have to do the intro and the closing toast, but I’ll keep them short. It’ll probably end up in the 3 minute ballpark.

            • J-FOH says:
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              @Big Magoo: just don’t make a my speech is twice as long as my sexual stamina comment.

              • Big Magoo

                Big Magoo says:
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                @J-FOH: Haha, it’s clean. I was thinking about telling a story about the time that he busted ass in the doorway as a client was walking into the room, but I think I’ll go with something slightly less embarrassing.

  10. costaricanchata says:
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    nice to have you back .

    if your honeymoon didn’t start off with the concierge saying
    “nice to see you again , Cougs” ,
    you’re probably going to make it .

    just remember , though they’ll probably all deny it ,
    they expect that we’ll die 1st .
    (some even count on it .)

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I hope I fixed that problem by going with a girl twenty years my senior…

  11. Count de Monetball says:
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    Long live the king (of Razzball) and Coug’s. May you have a fruitful marriage, but not of the variety with kids, as that would take away your time from helping my fantasy baseball team! Congrats buddy!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Ha, thanks! Marry a Cougar and you don’t have to worry about kids… Little perk…

      • baby storks hate hubris. cust kayin’

  12. Glendalien says:
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    Lawrie or Profar in a dynasty lg?

    • Prez says:
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      @Glendalien: grey is still on vacation… Please leave a message.. beeppppp

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Profar

  13. Prez says:
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    Welcome back grey! First round on me… Hopefully you havent gave up drinking along with your penis!

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Prez: I think he gave up drinking before his penis

      • Prez says:
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        @J-FOH: hopefully coug never stops drinkin his penis… wait, what?

        • J-FOH says:
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          @Prez: did that spot carry Uncle Junk’s Jon Wayne? Thats one of my fav’s

          • Prez says:
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            @J-FOH: they may have, ill have to check it out next time.

            • J-FOH says:
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              @Prez: let me know what other brands they carry, I might be able to steer you in some good directions

              • Prez says:
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                @J-FOH: will do.

    • Wake Up says:
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      @Prez: *currently trying to drink with my penis*

      • Prez says:
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        @Wake Up: it gets you way more drunk , wake.. keep trying! :D

        • Wake Up says:
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          @Prez: stings a little…but worth it!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I have given up drinking things my penis has been in…

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Grey: like the mayo jar?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Ha, yup

          • J-FOH says:
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            @Grey: I’m not even going to ask about the vasoline jar

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              What? I get chapped!

              • J-FOH says:
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                @Grey: and you keep sticking your finger in the same hole

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Haha

      • Prez says:
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        @Grey: awww what fun is that then?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Guess I shouldn’t close all windows on that, you never know!

          • Prez says:
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            @Grey: thats the spirit!

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Never close a window forever!

  14. Hondo says:
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    Geez,I thought you had bled out from cougar scratches.

    Welcome back.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Ha, thanks!

  15. Wake Up says:
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    Where’ve you been anyway?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Went to Hawaii (Oahu) for the honeymoon…

  16. J-FOH says:
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    Hey I forgot to ask how Ted dealt with the honeymoon layoff. Is he mad at you guys?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I think he’s picked up some bad habits from spending two weeks with other dogs… Barking, not wanting to wear his sweater, usual stuff…

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Grey: hahahaha, Sam has got two new sweaters in the last month. Baby’s mama keeps picking them up on sale at Target. Mofo has got a winter wardrobe with snowflakes and deer sweaters

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Yeah, same with Ted… He has a raincoat…As you know, it rains twice a year…

  17. Chris says:
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    Grey-
    Need some help from you…I’ve just gotten a trade offer in a dynasty Ottoneu SABR points that I think I gotta take. Just wanted your opinion because it relates to Taillon.

    I get:
    Jay Bruce $31
    Jacoby Ellsbury $22
    Taillon $10
    Didi Gregorius $5 (might try to sub in Sonny Gray or Danny Salazar for Didi)

    I give:
    Byron Buxton $7

    Seems like the Buxton hype machine in full force and a deal I have to take, even though Taillon is overpriced at $10. It transforms my outfield. What do you think buddy?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I’d do it, try for Salazar or Gray…

      • Chris says:
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        @Grey: Or I could try for Matt Adams, who fills a bigger need. How do you like him compared to Gray/Salazar?

Comments are closed.