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Former St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Joaquin Andujar once said, “You can sum up in one word the game of baseball: ‘You never know.'”

Well said Joaquin, well said.

You never know how the season will go and what stars will emerge and what stars will fade to black (someone please cue up Metallica here. I’m tired of boy bands). That’s part of the fun and frustration of fantasy sports. But even if you drafted well, with all your players off to a hot start and you are filled to the brim with confidence and trash talk,  you just never know when you are going to hear that one word the game of baseball truly despises: The disabled list. *tips cap to Professor Andujar*

Here are some guys that got broke this week:

SS Jose Reyes severely sprained his ankle. Jose was all smiles before stealing second base Friday. A minute later he was in tears and being driven off the field in a golf cart. To quote Tom Hanks from A League of Their Own, “Willssonn!!”

SP Zach Greinke fractured his left collarbone after Carlos “The Hammer” Quentin charged the ring at Wrestlemania 29 and attempted his patented figure four leg lock. Where’s Ivan Putski when you need him?

SP Jered Weaver has a fractured elbow. Don’t worry, it’s on his non-throwing arm so his continued loss in velocity will be just fine when he comes back.

1B Freddie Freeman strained his oblique. I’m no doctor, I’m a guru dammit, but I believe an oblique is your love handles. Thanks WebMD. And yes, you can strain your love handles. It happened to me once at a dive bar in Providence. If Brenda the bartender offers you some “warm nuts” with your Pabst Blue Ribbon simply smile and say, “no thank you”.

2B Brian Roberts is broken again. You drafted him why? Oh, I see, you are in the 2004 fantasy baseball league. Hope you drafted Vlad Guerrero too. He’s going to have a great year. JayWrong predicted MVP type numbers.

So let us dedicate this week’s column to the battered and the broken and wander like a bare-assed Frank Gallagher through the snowy streets of the waiver wire to find a few players that may or may not save your season (or at least the next week of it). Only 24 more to go.

Time to Jam it or Cram it.

Jam or Cram AJ Griffin, SP, Oakland A’s.

Rankings: Razzball #211, ESPN #260, Yahoo #297.

Availability: Pick him up in about 60% of leagues.

The Gist: If you are looking for a Greinke/Weaver replacement you can do a lot worse than Artemis Jimmyhat Griffin. Not sure that name is correct Wikipedia, but AJ is off to a solid start. After stumbling at the end of 2012,  Griffin has opened the season strong. In his first two starts, Atticus Jethro has put up 14 innings of 3-run ball with 5 K’s and 2 wins. I recently saw a trade of Anthony Rizzo straight up for Griffin. Someone out there really likes a good AJ.

Key Stats: His September/October ERA last season was 7.30. Griffin’s 8 innings against the Angels last week matched his career high.

April Don’t Mean @$&#: 2 W, 14 IP, 5 K, 3BB, 1.93 ERA, 1.04 WHIP.

The X-File: AJ Griffin’s next start is against some Houston batboys. Me thinks the Stream-o-Nator will like.

Now you decide: Jam it or Cram it?

Our next Jam or Cram fillinski is: Brandon Moss 1B/OF, Oakland A’s.

Rankings: Razzball #274, ESPN #234, Yahoo #472.

Availability: He’s out there in about 55% of leagues.

The Gist: Seems as though I have a man crush on the A’s this week. While I do admit to being an Athletic supporter, *insert prepubescent giggle here*  Brandon Moss deserves your attention. If you are searching for a 1B this early, something has gone terribly wrong, i.e. you auto-drafted Mark Teixeira. As long as Mrs. Moss is not in labor, Mr. Moss will be in the middle of the A’s lineup this week. Last year Moss had 21 HR in 265 AB. He’s off to a hot start hitting .367 with an OPS  of 1.090. Moss could be your short term power fix until your long term 1B gets back.

Key Stats: Even though he plays at the O.co, the power is there. His HR/FB rate is about 26%. The whiff’s are there too; his K rate is about 30%.

A gooey factoid for ya:  Moss was part of the Red Sox deal in 2008 that sent him to Pittsburgh, Manny to LA and Jason Bay to Boston. Guess that worked out great for everyone; Moss gets a real chance now in Oakland, Manny can take all the female hormone injections he wants in Taiwan and Bay just tripped over his cat and fell down the stairs.

April Don’t Mean @$&#: Moss has put up 6 R, 2 HR, 10 RBI, .367 BA

The X-File: While he may miss a game because of the “baby situation” (that’s  how I still refer to my teenage daughter) Moss will get to feast on the Lastros “pitching” this week.

Now you decide: Jam it or Cram it?

One last MASH unit reinforcement to Jam or Cram is: Omar Infante, 2B, Detroit Tigers

Rankings: Razzball #319, ESPN #226, Yahoo #293.

Availability: 70% of most leagues.

The Gist: Manager Jim “Chesterfield” Leyland told the Detroit Free Press last week that Omar Infante is a “good and steady player”. I will take a week of good and steady over another week of bad and shaky from Jason Kipnis, Josh Rutledge or Danny Espinosa. Now I am not saying kick those guys to the curb. They still have value and it is only the second week of April, but Infante is hitting .400 in the early going. Infante can give you a little power, a little speed and solid average while waiting for your starters to heat up. Last year between the Marlins and the Tigers he put up 12/53/17 and hit .274.

Key Stats: Infante hit safely in 9 straight games to open the season. He will be in Seattle this week. Seattle’s team ERA is 5.27. Seattle has moved the fences in. Harold Reynolds says he could have hit 50 homers there. Ssuurree Harold. Look, an intern!

April don’t mean @&#%: Infante has 4 R, 4 RBI and a .400 AV.

The X-File: Infante is just 3 years removed from an All-Star season in which he hit .321 for the Braves. You are probably not going to ride Omar to the fantasy promise land, but he can be a valuable piece along the way.

Now you decide: Jam it or Cram it?

*Bonus Tracks* Jam it or Cram it starters for the week:
Tommy Milone vs HOU, Jam
Barry Zito vs MIL, Cram
JA Happ vs CHW, Jam
Jon Niese vs COL, Cram
Shelby Miller vs PITT, Jam

Results from last week:

Jackie Bradley Jr: This week JBJ hit .063 with a steal. I told you on the Razzball Podcast to cram. Next stop Pawtucket. Wally the Green Monster was seen giving Jackie an uncomfortably long hug goodbye.

Gerardo Parra: After suggesting to jam Parra, he has cooled off a bit. Here’s Parra’s week: 3 R, 3 RBI, 1 SB, .240 AV.

I said jam Clay Buchholz vs BAL, W, 7 IP, 8 K, 0.00 ERA, 1.00 WHIP. Nailed it.

Jam Paul Maholm vs MIA, W, 7 IP, 7 K, 0.00 ERA, 0.57 WHIP. Nailed x 2.

Cram Edwin Jackson vs MIL, L, 6 IP, 6 K, 7.50 ERA, 2.17 WHIP. Took some negative comments on this pick. But nnaaiilleedd it.

Cram Wandy Rodriguez vs CIN, ND, 2.1 IP, 0 K, 3.86 ERA, 0.86 WHIP. He broke himself in the third inning and btw… nailed it.

I said cram Brett Myers vs NYY. He was supposed to start the game, but came on in the 4th and gave up 7 runs. I did say cram. And you’re welcome. Nailed it.

Jam Brandon Maurer vs HOU, 0.2 IP, 2 K, 81.00 ERA, 12.00 WHIP. Ouch. 2/3 of an inning? 81.00 ERA? *throws up in mouth a little* If you are going to miss, miss big. I did receive this encouraging tweet: @GurusMom You were adopted #The Guru sucks.

Follow me on Twitter @TheGuruGS
Don’t forget the Razzball Podcast Tuesday with Nick and the Razzballers.
Also I’ll be talking all things Razzball with Maine sportscaster Rich Kimball Monday at 4:20pm on 92.9 The Ticket in Bangor, Maine. You can listen live at 92.9theticket.com.

  1. Fratstar says:
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    Think it’s worth trading Stanton for Hamels?

    • The Guru

      The Guru says:
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      I tend to value a bat over an arm. What does your team look like?

      • Fratstar says:
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        @The Guru:

        c-rosario
        1b- votto (he’s killing me maaan)
        2b- kinsler
        ss- cabrera
        3b- zimmerman
        IF-Goldy
        Of- Stanton
        Of-Jennings
        Of-Braun
        Of-Davis
        Of-Willingham
        Ut-Aoki
        Ut-morales

        sp-cain, wainwright, samardzija, scherzer, bailey (or whenever gallardo gets his shit together)

        • The Guru

          The Guru says:
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          Keep Stanton. Heard a rumor today about the Rangers being interested in him. Imagine Mike, sorry, Giancarlo, in a Rangers uniform.

          • Fratstar says:
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            @The Guru:

            Think Gallardo will improve as the season goes on? He’s scary right now, and Bailey isn’t exactly emitting waves of confidence either

            • The Guru

              The Guru says:
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              It’s still early and I am holding on Bailey. As for Gallardo, I am just not a fan. You probably have to hold on to him for now and wait for a good start or two and try to trade him. I have actually seen him dropped in a few leagues.

  2. Jack Full of Hate says:
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    Hit the big time in Maine

    Good calls last week, I like Infante as a stabilizer, at least that’s what I like to call it, helps compensate for having an Ike Davis or Ryan Howard.

    What do you do on this Twitter thing, do you have daily Jam or Crams or just sharing the intimate thoughts of the Guru?

    • The Guru

      The Guru says:
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      Hey Jack, come on up for some lobstah!

      I like the idea of a daily jam or cram on twitter. I’m stealing or shall I say borrowing that idea. Usually I just tweet Heidi Watney and share drink recipes.

      • Jack Full of Hate says:
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        @The Guru: like the perfect bloody mary or something more FBB appropriate like you own Josh Johnson and I suggest this drink after his last start that left that bitter taste in your mouth!

        I always wanted to go to Maine, I love my food out the ocean with shell bodies and I always wanted to see where all the Stephen King books took place.

        • The Guru

          The Guru says:
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          The perfect bloody mary has a pickle in it!

          I worked at King’s radio station for awhile in the 90s. Interesting guy to say the least.

          • Shake N Bacon says:
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            @The Guru: I probably grew up listening to you on the radio. Weird. I’ll tell you what, Maine radio kicks the sh!t out of Colorado radio.

          • Jack Full of Hate says:
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            @The Guru: and horseradish, that pickle idea just gave me a great idea for a use with my spicy garlic pickles I have

            I would like to think he’s not boring

            whats it like to live in a place full of crab, lobster, clams, and the rest of the tasty treats I love so much?

            • The Guru

              The Guru says:
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              Spring, summer, fall are great. In the winter I venture to warmer climates. And of course people up here are crazy for the Sox.

              • Jack Full of Hate says:
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                @The Guru: thats the part that would make me want to slit my wrists vertically

                • The Guru

                  The Guru says:
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                  Sox up 4-0. Buchholz off to a good start to the year and 7 K’s today.

                  • Jack Full of Hate says:
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                    @The Guru: I call him Schumkholtz

                    • The Guru

                      The Guru says:
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                      through 5 he has 0 H, 2 W, 9 K

                  • Jack Full of Hate says:
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                    @The Guru: to quote the mustached messiah, “he can do that on someone else’s team”

                    In truth, i almost never ever own AL east arms, Moore this season is my first in 5 years. So I have a bias against pitchers in that division, not to mention the AL in general. As a whole the AL East is looking pretty down this year, so he might be someone to Jam all over the place this year.

                    BTW, every time I read your article this pops into my head

                    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcArnepkhv0

                    • The Guru

                      The Guru says:
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                      Space Balls! nice!

                      I agree on having a main staff of NL starters, but I do like to stream match ups throughout the week and happy to Jam Buchholz this week. O H, 10 Ks through 6.

                  • Jack Full of Hate says:
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                    @The Guru: with that being said…..Namaste *folds hands and bows*

                    • The Guru

                      The Guru says:
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                      This calls for another bloody.

                  • Jack Full of Hate says:
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                    @The Guru: BTW, if you do the daily twitter jam it or cram it? I will totally follow. Not really a twitter guy, but that idea of mine, has gots me excited

                    • The Guru

                      The Guru says:
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                      Cheers!

    • Shake N Bacon says:
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      @Jack Full of Hate: Nothing wrong with Maine :) Former Mainah right here. With the end of the world, global warming and shizz I decided to move to the highland…so I moved to Colorado.

      I could go for a lobstah roll right now deah.

      • The Guru

        The Guru says:
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        Nice to meet a fellow Mainah! Yes, Maine, the deep south of the far north.

        • Shake N Bacon says:
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          @The Guru: Especially if you venture into the mainland. I grew up on the coast, thank god.

          • JDW says:
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            @Shake N Bacon: Born on Peaks Island, Maine myself. In the ATL now enjoying UP-UP-and J-HEEEEEY!!!!! I left Red Sox nation after 30 plus loyal years. Just hate that club now. Yeah, HATE!! A sacrilege, I know. No one leaves The Nation

            • The Guru

              The Guru says:
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              Lovely Jones Landing. Thanks for writing.

              Atlanta has Washington’s number this weekend. Enjoy!

  3. JDW says:
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    Cingrani was just pulled early from his AAA start after two innings and 5 strikeouts. I think he’s coming up for certain to replace Cueto as many thought (I already added him in most my leagues last night). Less than fifty pitches today. He’ll probably go Friday or Saturday against the Marlins!! WHOO-HOO!!

    • The Guru

      The Guru says:
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      I like that match up. No official word from Cincy yet.

  4. Frank says:
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    I have Worley and Myers and a newly empty roster spot in a deep league which one of happ, Villanueva, Westbrook should I pick up and do I drop either of my rostered sp to pick up another. The league has QS as an extra catogory.

  5. The Guru

    The Guru says:
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    I like Happ this week against the White Sox.

    • Frank says:
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      @The Guru: thanks which ones would you rank as the top two for the season?

      • The Guru

        The Guru says:
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        Villanueva, Westbrook

  6. Gregg says:
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    Little off topic, but i have greinke rostered and he is in the article. 2 DL spots gotta make a move for an outfielder, keep garza on the DL rostered or Greinke. Have to drop one.

    • The Guru

      The Guru says:
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      Garza will be out another month and Greinke will be out 2 at least. I have Greinke on a couple of my teams and I’m going to keep him on the DL. I can’t let Quentin win by dropping Greinke. I would drop Garza.

      • Gregg says:
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        @The Guru: yea its tough, i have kenley jansen and Bentancourt, and its a points league where i have shelby and ogando in the two RP spots, but i don’t wanna just drop two respectable closers or future closers for nothing. Where as my SP is deep. Thanks

        • The Guru

          The Guru says:
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          No prob Gregg, thanks for writing. Liking that Shelby pick up myself.

  7. LuckyToBeBC says:
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    Is it time to move on From Jarod Parker after his 3rd Terrible start???

    I ask because I can add Fernandez, Dempster, or Cingrana… Thoughts??

    • The Guru

      The Guru says:
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      yeah, sweating things out with Parker and Fernandez is so tempting. I would hold for now.

    • TOFU STANGLER says:
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      @LuckyToBeBC: BYE BYE PARKER GET FEMAMDEZ RIGHT NOW

      • goodfold2 says:
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        @TOFU STANGLER: i’m surprised griffin’s getting raised above fernandez. I’d go fernandez all day long.

        • The Guru

          The Guru says:
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          In the short term I like him too. But he will have an innings limit and I am curious to see what happens once he starts pitching against teams twice.

  8. Solershot says:
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    Travis Wood on a double start, or Peavy against Minnesota – who would you start this week?

    • The Guru

      The Guru says:
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      Peavy

  9. Jason says:
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    Who has more value in a keeper from this day forward ?
    Moore minor Jose Fernandez or Felix.

    With stras and verlander in tow, trade Fernandez and Moore to get Felix?

  10. The Guru

    The Guru says:
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    I would keep Moore and Fernandez in a keeper league.

  11. Darcy Butler says:
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    Thanks for the update Goo. I’ve been in Cananda and off the grid (aka “under the influence.”) I have some catching up to do and you are a fount of knowledge.

    • Darcy Butler says:
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      @Darcy Butler: Canada rather… Still feeling the effects.

      • The Guru

        The Guru says:
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        Mmm..Molson.

  12. Mumbly Joe says:
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    Jeff weaver is retired and no one, not even, Jeff gives a f&$k what happens to his elbow anymore.

    • The Guru

      The Guru says:
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      I think they are the same guy. What about Sigourney Weaver?

  13. chunk says:
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    anyone know why muppet man threw the 8th inning??

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      They were down 3-2 at that point. He was just in there to keep them close.

      • chunk says:
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        @Sky: cool thanks. still seems weird that they wouldnt save him for the ninth at least…

    • The Guru

      The Guru says:
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      Did he have to get home to watch the Masters or something? Interesting strategy after naming him the closer just this week.

  14. Wallpaper Paterson says:
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    Jam or Cram Matt Dominguez?

    • The Guru

      The Guru says:
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      Cram, think you can do better without seeing who is on your waiver wire. The Astros probably had the best week they will have all year.

      • Wallpaper Paterson says:
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        @The Guru: I have Lawrie so I have been trying to get by till he comes back. Chisenhall was not getting it done.

        • The Guru

          The Guru says:
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          Josh Donaldson has had himself quite a week.

  15. Hawk says:
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    Drop Carlos Gomez for Reddick? In need of power. Reddick has to break out soon right?

    • The Guru

      The Guru says:
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      If you are looking for power I’d grab Josh “Duck Dynasty” Reddick.

  16. hampton says:
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    Would you do trade Evan Longoria and Jesus Montero for Manny Machado and Joe Mauer?

    • The Guru

      The Guru says:
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      I would not.

  17. Bump Bailey's Ghost says:
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    Anybody interested in Shaun Marcum coming off the DL to start Sunday? He’s definitely on my radar.
    Also, who’s picking up Andrew Bailey with Hanrahanranhannyhanhan complaining about cramps? I’m thinking Baily might sneak in and steal that job for a while.
    P.S. I wish I could quit you, Mitchell.

  18. The Guru

    The Guru says:
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    I might pick up Bailey for a week if I needed to chase some saves.
    Marcum? I’ll pass.

    • Bump Bailey's Ghost says:
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      @The Guru: Not a fan of Marcum at all, huh? What to make of Gattis? Is he gonna get ABs when BMac comes back?
      Oh and is it a good idea to lose Gomez for Span?

      • The Guru

        The Guru says:
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        They have to find a way to keep Gattis going. I tend to stream catchers and while I lost out on Buck this week I was able to hit on Gattis.

        Keep Gomez. “How We Operate” is a cool song. Gomez is the better player.

        • Bump Bailey's Ghost says:
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          @The Guru: @The Guru: Thank you, kind sir.

  19. Hank Sbarro says:
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    In a very deep, NL-only roto league, my starting pitching has been awful so far: Gallardo, Halladay, Gee, Clayton Richards. Nice to see Halladay and Richards finally pitch well today, but I’m still last in ERA, WHIP, Ks, Wins. I have Chris Capuano, Tyler Cloyd, Randall Delgado on the bench. Looks like Capuano will get into the rotation this week. Cory Luebke is stashed on my DL.

    I have Jose Fernandez and Tony Cingrani on my farm. I’ve been patient with Fernandez, as the Marlins suck this year and I can get an extra year out of him if I wait until next year to call him up. It looks like Cingrani could be brought up this week. How should I utilize these two this season?

  20. The Guru

    The Guru says:
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    Fernandez is the real deal for sure. I am picking him up and pitching him anywhere I can. I would like to see a start or two from Cigrani before I roll him out.

    Thanks for writing and good luck on the season.

    • goodfold2 says:
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      @The Guru: it’s funny how much different shallow leagues are, in my 16 team league (used to be 18), Fernandez was picked up like a day or 2 before his first start, and i sucked up Cingrani (dropping streaming spot or Fiers) last night. If his lack of developed 3rd pitch makes him bad, he’s an easy drop. He can’t be worse than Leake, though.

      • The Guru

        The Guru says:
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        True that! ha

    • Hank Sbarro says:
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      @The Guru: Thanks for the reply and advice!

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