As the Fantasy Baseball season comes to end, it’s time for one more visit to the Razzball Fantasy Lounge where we fake baseball scribes are collectively licking our wounds, sticking pins in our Ryan Braun voodoo doll and drowning our sorrows in $1 beers and cheap whiskey shots. On this last lazy Sunday of the Fantasy Baseball season we find Sky in a dark corner slowly rocking back and forth muttering the words, “Colabello, Colabello, Colabello.” Bellying up to the bar is our resident podcaster Nick, disheveled and demanding another Canadian Club, cursing his last place Blue Jays and wondering, “Is there a CFL Fantasy League?” Dropping his last quarter in the jukebox, JayWrong selects The Doors “The End” and simply asks, “Anyone think Mike Trout is the number 1 pick next year?” *bottle smashes above head* Meanwhile, in the parking lot we find Tehol in the backseat of his 1977 Impala locking lips with this sweet “lady” he’ll soon discover has more hair on her back than George “The Animal” Steele -“NOT AGAIN!!” Here at the pool table is your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru contemplating his final list of fantasy ballers that’ll score you the championship, bragging rights and maybe a little cash in your FBB league. *closes eye, takes aim, sinks eight ball off two rails, drops shot glass into pint, downs boilermaker, throws up on Grey’s snakeskin boots* “Sorry, boss.”
Here’s one more for the road, it’s time to jam it or cram it.
Availability: 79% Yahoo, 65% ESPN
Last Week: 5 R, 2 HR, 6 RBI, .417 AV
The Gist: Adams is a player that would be widely owned if this were July, however with so many fantasy casualties giving up on their team, he’s out there for the taking. Adams could be just the power bat you need this week to land you that championship.
Key Stat: Adams has 6 homers and 12 RBI in the last 3 weeks.
X-File: A sore elbow kept him out last Thursday, but Adams returned Friday to go 3-for-5 with a home run, three RBI.
Jam it or Cram it: Adams owns a .280/.336/.496 line with 15 home runs and 48 RBI in just 264 at-bats. Power, average, RBI – stick this light bulb in your mouth and join the Adams Family for the final week. JAM
Availability: 98% Yahoo, 99% ESPN
Last Week: 1 R, 3 SB, .400 AV
The Gist: Now that the Dodgers have clinched the NL West, look for Gordon to see more at-bats while Don Mattingly rests regulars, which in turn means he will have more chances to swipe some bases. SAGNOF!
Key Stat: Gordon has 10 steals in 34 games this year and has only been caught twice.
X-File: Mattingly says Gordon could get playing time at 2B and the OF the final week.
Jam it or Cram it: It’s all about the SAGNOF for Gordon owners. Flash won’t provide much else, but 3 or 4 steals over the next 6 games could win us the week. If I win the title I’m peeing in the D’Backs pool. JAM
Availability: 99% Yahoo, 100% ESPN
Last Week: 4 R, 1 HR, 4 RBI, 1 SB, .588 AV
The Gist: Who the hell is Charlie Culberson you ask? I’m not sure, I’m throwing darts here. With the Rockies season over, Dexter Fowler, Cargo, and Michael Cuddyer hurting, Culberson is getting a chance to prove his worth.
Key Stat: Culberson has hit .310/.338/.524 with 14 home runs, 64 RBI and 13 stolen bases in 97 games this season at the Triple-A
X-File: Gets two games against the Red Sox at home this week.
Jam it or Cram it: If you’re in a deep, deep league and still in it, Culberson could be worth an add. Oh, who am I kidding, I think Culberson is actually Josh Rutledge in disguise and he’s dead to me. CRAM
Availability: 97% Yahoo, 95% ESPN
Last Week: 4 R, 1 HR, 4 RBI, 1 SB, .429 AV
The Gist: More SAGNOF-seeking here. Blanco has been hitting leadoff, scoring runs and stealing bags. However, Blanco is one of those Playtoony Tunes and won’t hit against lefties. He gets at least four right-handers this week.
Key Stat: Hitting .625 in his last 5 games.
X-File: Blanco is hitting just .237 against lefties this year.
Jam it or Cram it: We’re rolling dice here my jammer crammers and Gregor is clearly a gamble. Do we get points for defense? No? Damn. CRAM
Availability: 93% Yahoo, 97% ESPN
Last Week: 3.1 IP, 3 H, 1 ER, 4 K, 2.45 ERA, 0.82 WHIP
The Gist: Strop has taken over the closers role from Kevin Gregg in Chicago for the last week of the season. Remember those days when everyone went nuts for new closers? Admit it, you owned Al Alburquerque.
Key Stat: Has 61 K’s in 54 innings.
X-File: With the save on Saturday, Strop has just 4 career saves.
Jam it or Cram it: Got saves? Strop could match his career saves in this last week. What’s every fantasy writer’s best source for predictions say? *Shakes Magic 8-Ball* “Reply hazy try again.” FU 8-Ball! JAM
If you’re still reading, you’re clearly in the hunt for a championship. Best of luck, Razzballer’s. Thanks for jamming and cramming with us in the Razzball Lounge. Now see if Tehol will give you a ride home and join me over on the football side of things for more jams and crams and other gooey shenanigans. Follow The Guru on Twitter @TheGuruGS.