An exciting kickoff to the 2013 MLB season. I’m sure Ken Burns documented it all with black and white photos, mournful fiddle music and the soothing voice of Doris Kearns Goodwin. But, in case you missed it, here’s…
The good: Yu Darvish nearly perfect, 2-homer opener for Bryce Harper, Michael Morse pretends he’s Hammerin’ Hank and Heidi Watney’s tight black dress.
The bad: The Houston Lastros, the Detroit closer conundrum, anytime Carlos Marmol picks up a baseball, and Josh Reddick’s “Duck Dynasty” beard (Banjo Man lives in there).
The ugly: Brett Lawrie out 2 weeks, Brian “Glass Joe” Roberts out 4 weeks, Ryan Ludwick out 12 weeks, Johan Santana done for the year, and that Louisville player with the pretzel leg injury — ouch! Get well soon, kid.
So, with the first week down, let the overreactions begin. Maybe you are convinced your 18 fantasy teams are circling the drain to Loserville, USA. Damn you John Axford. But, 18 teams? (In my best Seth Myers voice) Really? You may need a stay in fantasy rehab. The Whitey Ford Clinic? Or how about a 12 step program? Call it Al Alberqueque Anonymous if you want. I don’t care. I don’t have a freakin’ problem. What?! Someone just dropped Steve Cishek? *Hands…shaking…too…badly…to make…waiver…claim*
Perhaps one day this scenario will make a depressing Nicholas Cage film.”Leaving Las Vargas” anyone? But for now, come in off the ledge, take your head out of the oven, put down the potato peeler (that’s a terrible plan) and let The Guru be your Dr. Drew. Time to Jam or Cram these potential hit makers that could relieve your waiver wire DT’s.
Jam it or Cram it with Jackie Bradley Jr, OF, Boston Red Sox
Rankings: He was outside looking in at the top 500 players.
Projections: 62 R, 45 RBI, 12 HR, 22 SB, .280 AV
Availability: He’s out there in 54% of Yahoo leagues.
The Gist: JBJ had a nice debut this week. 3 walks on opening day against Sabathia at Yankee stadium. Here’s a gooey factoid for ya: Bradley has one less 3-walk game in his first week than Carl Crawford had in his Sox career. Boston fans are already erecting a statue next to Ted. But, I would not get all stemmy just yet. Bradley has only 499 minor league ABs and only 61 games above A ball. He did play for a big college program at South Carolina. He played on a College World Series championship team and was the MVP of the series in 2010. What you hear about Bradley is “poise”. I think he passes the eyeball test; which is watching MLB tonight through the holes in a cracker while listening to the Grateful Dead’s “Terrapin Station”. Come on funny feelings. But the test says Bradley belongs in the bigs. There are some projections of Bradley being a 20/40 guy. Not going to happen. I see him as a Shane Victorino or Coco Crisp type of player with a little less speed.
Key Stats: Baseball Prospectus has him the #27th ranked prospect. Hit .441 with 2 HR, 2 SB and 14 RBI this spring. Celebrated making the team with his family at Applebee’s. Ok, not really a key stat, but we get free chicken wonton taco’s for the mention. Enjoy.
First Week of April Don’t Mean $@#%: 4 R, 0 HR, 3 RBI, 1 SB, .214 AV
The X-File: If Bradley is hitting over .280 when David Ortiz comes back at the end of April, the Sox will have some tough decisions to make. I say Bradley sticks and will be a rookie of the year candidate.
Now you decide: Jam it or Cram it?
*in my best Rod Roddy voice* Contestant #2, come on down. Jam it or Cram it with Gerardo “Rico Suave” Parra, OF, Arizona Diamondbacks
Rankings: Outside the top 400
Projections: 75 R, 14 HR, 58 RBI, 20 SB, .285 AV
Availability: He’s available in 73% of Yahoo leagues.
The Gist: With Adam Eaton out until mid-May, Parra has grabbed the leadoff spot and may have to have it pried from his cold, pine tar stained hands. To open the year he’s hitting .500, with a homer, 4 doubles, a triple, a steal, an OBP of .500, an OPS of 1.500 and a collection of Venezuelan groupies that makes Ozzie Guillen say a lot of naughty words. Hello Mr. Parra, where have you been? Well, nowhere actually. While still only 25, Parra has been part of the D-Backs since 2009. In the past 2 seasons, Parra has 30 SB, a .283 AV and 15 HR in less than 900 AB. I am interested to see what Parra can do with at least 500 AB in a season. If you drafted Eaton or Cody Ross, are part of a 15-deep or NL-only league, Parra could be a tasty add. Chicken wonton taco kind of tasty.
Key Stats: In 225 AB’s at leadoff, he’s hitting .310 with an OBP of .366 and slugging .483. Parra’s career OPS against righties is over .750. If you like to stream hitters, stream away when Parra plays at Chase Field and enjoy his .804 home OPS.
First Week Don’t Mean @$&#: Think we covered it, but Parra had 4 hits in the opener against the Cards. The only other D-Back with 4 hits on opening day? Steve Finley. That’s a gooey factoid. Your welcome. Taco please.
The X-File: With the injuries to Eaton, Ross, and utility guy Willie Bloomquist, Parra will play everyday and hit leadoff. If he can prove it against lefties (.256 in his career, .277 last year) there is .300 AV, 15 HR, 25 SB potential. He’s a solid streamer to ride while he’s hot and Parra will help, not hurt, those wanting to feed the fantasy monkey on their back that whispers, “Go on, you know you want to add him. One won’t hurt.”
Now you decide: Jam it or Cram it?
*Bonus Tracks* Jam it or Cram it starter streamers this week include:
Clay Buchholz vs BAL, Jam
Brett Myers vs NYY, Cram
Paul Maholm vs MIA, Jam
Edwin Jackson vs MIL, Cram
Brandon Maurer vs HOU, Jam
Wandy Rodriguez vs CIN, Cram