So, how’s your season? *connects hose to tailpipe* That good, huh? Well, the end is near my depressed Razzballin’ droogs. Some of us are prepared for the sprint to the finish and others are drinking too much Colt 45, screaming “Ike Davis” at confused strangers and assembling Fantasy Football draft boards in their tighty whities and Ken Stabler throwbacks. Speaking of which, everyone say hello to Sky. He’s our Fantasy Football Czar and would like to meet your acquaintance here. If you’ve enjoyed our weekly jammer crammer sessions, once we wrap up this here baseball season in a pretty little bow, your humble Guru will continue jamming and cramming on Fantasy Football Island. So join a RCL League now. As for our fake baseball teams, how did you do? Taking a look at The Guru’s collection of teams, I’d have to say it’s been a satisfying season. Currently I’m staring at 10 firsts, 5 seconds and a third. 16 teams? Yes, I admit I do have a problem with moderation. Excuse me while I pour another scotch. Good morning. The areas that have been problematic for me this year have been steals and saves. SAGNOF! Injuries to Jason Motte and Joel Hanrahan certainly didn’t help and had me scrambling to the waiver wire early and often for the likes of Koji Uehara and Rex Brothers. When it comes to steals, the early injury to Jose Reyes and now the suspension of Everth Cabrera put me in the SAGNOF hole. Ouch! Stay away from my SAGNOF hole, it’s an exit not an entrance. As we enter the final three weeks of the regular season, here’s hoping your season has been a success and all the credit can be heaped upon your motley crew of Razzballin’ scribes. If you are out of it, damn the fantasy gods, troll Tehol on Twitter and let me pour you a tumbler of Islay. Enjoy and leave a comment below on the state of your season. It’s time to jam it or cram it – SAGNOF! Part II: Red, White and Screwed.
Jam or Cram: Tommy Hunter, SP/RP, Baltimore Orioles
Availability: 91% Yahoo, 99% ESPN
Last Week’s SAGNOF: 1 Save, 5 K’s, 3.18 ERA, 0.71 WHIP
The Gist: With O’s closer Jim Johnson blowing three saves in a week and Francisco Rodriguez going down with an injury, manager Buck Showalter will turn his crazy eyes toward Tommy Hunter. Hunter has been steady in the ‘pen with three saves and 16 holds on the year.
Key Stat: In 48 appearances Hunter has 47 K’s, a 2.76 ERA and a 0.93 WHIP.
X-File: The long ball was a problem for Hunter last season, but not so much this year. Hunter’s HR/9 is 0.96.
Jam it or Cram it: My confidence level in Johnson holding onto his job is about as low as A-Rod’s chances of being invited to Seder at Ryan Braun’s house. Johnson has blown nine of 48 chances on the year and looks spent. If you’re chasing SAGNOF down the stretch, grab Hunter. Go ahead, check Angie’s list, she loves him too for all your save and drywall needs. JAM
Jam or Cram: Chia-Jen Lo, RP, Houston Astros
Availability: 93% Yahoo, 91% ESPN
Last Week’s SAGNOF: 1 Save, 2 K’s, 0.00 ERA, 1.00 WHIP
The Gist: Who is Chia-Jen Lo and why am I considering picking him up? I really had no idea until 3 days ago. I did have a Chia J-Lo once and watching that alfalfa grow each day sure made me tingly. This Jenny from the Pingtung block is the new ‘Stros closer and has looked as good as anything else Houston has to offer. That is until Bo Porter decides that ball girl has a pretty good arm.
Key Stat: Lefties are hitting .091 against Jen Lo and he’s yet to allow a run this season.
X-File: Okay, here’s the rub: The Chia has only thrown 6.1 more innings in his MLB career than you have. What, you pitched a third of an inning for the Seattle Pilots back in 1969? Ok, six more innings than you.
Jam it or Cram it: How many saves can we actually expect from the Chia Lo the rest of the year? Well dear Razzballer’s, that would require the ‘Stros actually having a lead. Maybe he gets two, three. I’ll take it! I’m a desperate Sagnoffer! JAM
Jam or Cram: Gonzalez Germen, RP, New York Mets
Availability: 100% Yahoo, 100% ESPN
Last Week’s SAGNOF: 1 Save, 6 K’s, 0.00 ERA, 1.00 WHIP
The Gist: With Bobby Parnell out and 76-year-old LaTroy Hawkins hurting, up steps the Germen. Fraulein, ein Beir bitte. That’s the extent of my German language skills. Those credits finally paid off, Dad. Germen is in the SAGNOF circle of skepticism, but may vulture a few saves over the next few weeks.
Key Stat: Germen has a 2.60 ERA and 18/10 K/BB ratio over 17 1/3 innings this season.
X-File: *Warning: Here comes an old fantasy writer trick called,”throw numbers at wall.” Germen’s K/9 is 9.35, his FIP is 2.85, but his BB/9 stands at 5.19. Anything stick?
Jam it or Cram it: I just don’t see Germen becoming the nummer eins save option for the Mets with Hawkins coming back and David Aardsma hanging around. Now let’s listen to some Rammstein. Du Hast! CRAM. What do you mean Germen is not from Deutschland? Don’t be a Scheisskopf, you’re messin’ with my blurb man.
Jam or Cram: Gerardo Parra, OF, Arizona Diamondbacks
Availability: 70% Yahoo, 60% ESPN
Last Week’s SAGNOF: 2 Steals, 5 R, 1 HR, 2 RBI, .348 AV
The Gist: Way back on April 7, in our very first jammer crammer session, I made a case for grabbing Rico Suave. I also mentioned Jackie Bradley Jr. as a possible rookie of the year candidate. Damn those bath salts are some crazy shiz. Since that time, I’ve sworn off the salts, JBJ is marinating in the minors and Gerardo has put together an average season. *sigh* But when Parra gets to hot schmotatoing he’s worth a pick up. He’s doing that now.
Key Stat: Parra is batting .306 with a .528 slugging percentage, .852 OPS, a triple, a homer, two RBI, three doubles, six runs and two stolen bases in his last 10 games.
X-File: Parra’s home run last week was his first since June.
Jam it or Cram it: Grey tossed Parra into his “buy” pile on Friday because, like a nice mustache wax, the Grey-one knows a good thing when he sees it. Will Parra lead you to the SAGNOF promised land? Probably not, but he’ll give you some tasty stats in the meantime. You don’t want to go to the SAGNOF promised land anyway, it’s in Pennsylvania and Matt Damon is about to frack the hell out of that place. JAM
Jam or Cram: Jarrod Dyson, OF, Kansas City Royals
Availability: 99% Yahoo, 98% ESPN
Last Week’s SAGNOF: 3 Steals, 2 R, 2 RBI, .176 AV
The Gist: Rajai Davis is probably long gone in your league, but if you’re searching for steals Jarrod Dyson could be your man. Jarrod has 19 steals on the year, stole three bags this week and is virtually unowned. Our Razzball expert in base thievery, Mike Buttil, mentioned Dyson a few weeks back and he’s stolen 10 bags since; two less than league leader Jacoby Ellsbury.
Key Stat: Last year, Dyson stole 30 bases in 330 plate appearances. That’s a steal every 11 plate appearances. This season he’s swiping one every 6.63 AB’s. Thanks abacus. That’s SAGNOF gold, Jerry! Gold!
X-File: With starting center fielder Lorenzo Cain on the DL, Dyson is getting regular playing time.
Jam it or Cram it: More starts, a hot Royals team and the ability to swipe 10 bases or more the rest of the way means SAGNOF lovers should go to Jarrod. JAM
Jam or Cram: Chris Getz, 2B, Kansas City Royals
Availability: 99% Yahoo, 99% ESPN
Last Week’s SAGNOF: 3 Steals, 3 R, 1 RBI, .357 AV
The Gist: We are really scraping the bottom of the waiver wire barrel this week, but I need to Getz me some SAGNOF! Getz is just two years removed from a 20-steal season.
Key Stat: Getz has just two multi-hit games on the season.
X-File: The Royals just picked up Emilio Bonifacio and that’s not good for Getz.
Jam it or Cram it: I really think the only reason Getz made it into the jammer crammer pile this week is because I noticed his walk-up song last week when the Tigers were losing to the Royals. I thought I was having an 80’s flashback. Getz’s walk-up song is the theme to the Nintendo classic R.B.I. Baseball. That game is about all I remember from 1987. Chris Getz you are no R.B.I Baseball Vince Coleman. CRAM
*Bonus Tracks* SAGNOF Powers Activate:
Jonathan Villar, SS, HOU: Villar has 11 steals in 21 games since being called up. In 91 games with Triple-A Oklahoma City this year, Villar stole 31 bases and was caught seven times. He’s ready to dance with you. JAM
DJ LeMahieu, 2B/3B, Colorado Rockies: Dingle Junk LeMahieu has no pop, but will swipe some bags. He has 14 steals over 265 at-bats this year. *grabs abacus* That’s a steal every 18 AB’s. JAM
Thanks for playing along Razzballer’s. The Goo is here to ease your fantasy depression and answer your jammer crammer questions. Follow The Guru on Twitter @TheGuruGS for the daily jam or cram, fantasy roster 411’s and other gooey shenanigans.