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Ah, yes, fall is in the air. *cues up Don Henley’s “Boys of Summer”* As the calendar turns to September, the days get shorter, my seersucker suit returns to its rightful place in the closet, the kids are lovingly shipped off to military school, every tattooed hipster barista in town attempts to sell me something that tastes of pumpkin (I just want coffee flavored coffee dammit) and the fantasy baseball playoffs are set to begin. Our fake baseball season is nearing its completion, its finale, the culmination of 22 weeks of jams and crams that have hopefully led you to the edge of the fantasy glory hole. No more Ike Davis wisecracks, no more Ryan Braun shrunken gonad jokes and no more contact with Heidi Watney per court order. 500 feet, phfffft! So, my dear Razzballin’ gurus, if you’re reading, you’re leading and sprinting to the finish line of this marathon known as the fantasy baseball season. Quick question? Is there a fantasy marathon league? No? Damn, I was going to draft Gebregziabher Gebremariam. Oh well, it’s time to win this baseball thing. Somehow it all feels anticlimactic. Even if we win, if we win, HAH! Even if we win, it just wouldn’t matter because all the really good looking girls would still go out with the guys from Mohawk because they’ve got all the money! Sorry, in an effort to be inspiring I went all Meatballs there for a moment. It’s time to jam it or cram it.

 

Jam or Cram: Chris Colabello, 1B/OF, Minnesota Twins

Availability: 99% Yahoo, 100% ESPN

Last Week: 4 R, 3 HR, 8 RBI, .348 AV

The Gist: With Justin Morneau raising the Jolly Roger in Pittsburgh, the 29-year-old Cola “kid” gets a chance to prove himself in the Twin Cities. Colabello went from playing games in Quebec and for Italy in the WBC to hitting two homers, including a grand slam, in Houston on Tuesday. I’d rather be in Quebec.

Key Stat: Colabello has hit .312 with 43 homers in 219 minor league games over the past two seasons.

X-File: Colabello spent the first eight seasons of his professional career in the independent Can-Am League. That’s a long time to spend in Worcester, or as they say, Woostah.

Jam it or Cram it: I like these underdog stories in a Sweet Polly Purebred kind of way. Like it or not, Colabello is playing for his baseball future and desperation may lead to a fantasy championship. Here he comes to save the day. JAM

 

Jam or Cram: Brandon Barnes, OF, Houston Astros

Availability: 99% Yahoo, 99% ESPN

Last Week: 2 R, 1 HR, 8 RBI, .409 AV

The Gist: If one more Astro pops up in our jam or cram I’m going to…hello, Brandon. The 27-year-old rookie has 7 homers and 10 stolen bases this season. Barnes could help your playoff team with his power and speed down the stretch.

Key Stat: Barnes has hit as many as 27 homers and stolen as many as 22 bases in a season in the minors.

X-File: Barnes has 107 K’s in 119 games.

Jam it or Cram it: After hitting .375 in April, it’s been mostly downhill for Barnes. His average has dropped to .244. While Barnes’ speed/power combination is intriguing, I’m not touching another Astro. Know what else is intriguing? This. CRAM

 

Jam or Cram: Emilio Bonifacio, 2B/3B/OF, Kansas City Royals

Availability: 59% Yahoo, 15 % ESPN

Last Week: 7 R, 2 RBI, 4 SB, .300 AV

The Gist: I originally drafted Emilio to play second base way back in April. I dropped him by May and he’s been dead to me. Until now. Since being traded to the Royals two weeks ago, Bonifacio is hitting about .300 with 13 stolen bases.

Key Stat: Emilio had 30 swipes in 64 games last season.

X-File: Three position eligibility? Yes, please.

Jam it or Cram it: This is another example of the difference between the two fantasy leagues. If Emilio is out there, grab him by the SAGNOF and watch him run. JAM

 

Jam or Cram: Denard Span, OF, Washington Nationals

Availability: 85% Yahoo, 92% ESPN

Last Week: 5 R, 1 RBI, 2 SB, .500 AV

The Gist: There were such high hopes for Span this year and dreams of a 10/20 type of year. He’s been as disappointing as the Nationals season. However, Span has been picking it up lately and is hitting .311 since the All-Star break and .455 this month.

Key Stat: Span has a 17-game hitting streak, the longest streak by a Nat in 3 years.

X-File: Span is a Platoony Tunes poster boy: .307 against righties, .194 against lefties.

Jam it or Cram it: Span tweaked his groin Thursday and ended up on the bench. Keep your eye on Span’s groin. That’s where he keeps his SAGNOF. Don’t stare directly at it, perv. CRAM

 

Jam or Cram: Josh Rutledge, 2B/SS, Colorado Rockies

Availability: 81% Yahoo, 85% ESPN

Last Week: 5 R, 1 HR, 3 RBI, 2 SB, .429 AV

The Gist: Josh Rutledge is like the really hot girl you’ve dated that is also completely psycho. You’ve broken up with her so many times only to let her back for the hot sex. Then she keyed your car, showed up at your office and you swore this time it was really over. Well, she’s calling again.

Key Stat: Rutledge has six hits in five games since being called back up.

X-File: In 38 Triple-A games, Rutledge was hitting over .370.

Jam it or Cram it: Ok, Josh, I’m going to give you one more chance. Don’t do anything crazy like go 1-for-30 or boil my bunny. I need homers and steals, that’s the hot sex of fantasy baseball. JAM

 

*BONUS TRACKS* Here’s 5 jammer/crammers for the playoffs

Billy Hamilton, SS/OF, CIN: I said jam last week. You’re late to the SAGNOF party. JAM

Scooter Gennett, 2B, MIL: Hitter-Tron is not hot for Scooter ROS, but the Tron also humped my Vespa. CRAM

Cody Asche, 3B, PHI: Ashe hit .467 last week with 2 homers and 5 RBI. Come get some. JAM

Josmil Pinto, C, MIN: Pinto hit .647 last week. Please forward any catcher questions Grey’s way. Consider it a wedding present. CRAM

Yan Gomes, C/1B/3B, CLE: Yan hit .467 with a homer and 5 RBI last week. Why no love for Yani? Oh, you prefer Zamfir. JAM

 

Thanks for riding the Razzball bus. The Goo is available for all your jammer crammer questions. Follow The Guru on Twitter @TheGuruGS  for the daily jam or cram, fantasy roster 411’s and other gooey shenanigans.

29 Responses

  1. Sky

    Sky says:
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    Ha, I’ve been so busy on the football side I had NO IDEA we were both covering Colabello this week. I guess Razzball just really likes him. Now lets watch him go 0-Everything.

    • The Guru

      The Guru says:
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      Yeah, I saw your post this am and thought “uh-oh”. He better hit 11 homers this week!

      • Sky

        Sky says:
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        @The Guru: It’s totally in the bag #doublejinxed.

  2. Tulo-Frisky says:
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    Replacing Gyorko for my h2h points league semi’s this week, should I plug in Middlebrooks or Bonifacio? THanks, and great job!

    • The Guru

      The Guru says:
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      You’ll get more with Will.

  3. ChiliCheeseConey says:
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    Rutledge or Starlin the rest of the way?

    • The Guru

      The Guru says:
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      Leaning Castro here.

      • ChiliCheeseConey says:
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        @The Guru: Castro, Gennett, or Zobrist?

        • The Guru

          The Guru says:
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          Zobrist by a lot.

  4. Chris says:
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    Hello Guru,
    Couple of questions:
    Got Kluber back but i havent activated him.
    Shoukd I have him in my roster? I would have to drop either CC, Ian Kennedy, Archer? Who should I drop? Or drop Kluber?
    Also, i added BJ Upton expecting another good week but it seems he is a one week wonder, should I add him Colabello following your recomendation and drop BJ Upton? I can also drop Fowler who looks like we wont contribute much this week with the injury!
    Thanks!

    • The Guru

      The Guru says:
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      My confidence in Kluber is low. BJ Upton has burned fantasy players all year long, I’d rather roll the dice on Colabello at this point.

  5. Chris says:
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    Pick one to start this week:
    Cashner @ Phi (Halladay)
    Archer @ Minn (Albers)
    Alex Wood @ Mia (Eovaldi)

    10 team H2H Pts scoring

    Thanks.

    • The Guru

      The Guru says:
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      Roll out Wood and good luck.

  6. Kawasaki MVP! says:
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    Having a hard time figuring out who to start this week. I’m in second in a weekly 10 team yahoo league. I’m in first in hr by 1 but thes rest of the hitting categories I can only really make progress in steals.

    Who should I start? 3 util spots and need to decide btwn

    Stanton (injured)??
    Rajai Davis
    Rollins
    Rizzo
    Prado
    Gattis

    Can you let me know which 3 to start

    Thanks!!

    • The Guru

      The Guru says:
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      Stanton looks like a risky play with the ankle injury. Hard to sit him for a week though at this point. Prado has been hot, he’s a must start. I’d also play Rizzo as he gets some good matchups this week. If you need steals go with Davis. Good luck.

  7. solershot says:
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    H2H points league. which do you think is a better start.
    Segura or Billy Hamilton???
    thanks.

    • The Guru

      The Guru says:
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      Segura. Hamilton is a pinch runner for the most part.

  8. Ellsbury Owner says:
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    Need to fill Ellsbury’s slot for at least this week (and maybe longer). Weekly 14 team 5×5 roto league, with OBP. Hittertron loves David Murphy. What do you think?

    • The Guru

      The Guru says:
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      Hard to argue with the Tron. Brandon Moss is another guy I’d consider.

  9. FilthyRich says:
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    Looking for an OF, no particular categories as any will help. I was going to start Yelich, but I see Hitter-Tron has him at -19.3 for this coming week. Should I rely on that and bench him? I have Adam Eaton on the bench, or could pickup Avisail, Presley or Span. Which of the five would you go with?

    • The Guru

      The Guru says:
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      Hate to argue with the Tron, but I’d go with Yelich for the win.

  10. Chicken Dinner says:
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    ARam or Adams this week? Adams is home against 6 RHPs.

    • Chicken Dinner says:
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      @Chicken Dinner: Sorry, 5 RHPs and Saunders. I’m also leaning towards Adams because I fear ARam could miss the whole week will a knee.

      • The Guru

        The Guru says:
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        Go with Adams and pray for power.

  11. Jake says:
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    Hey- would you add Jackie Bradley jr with elllsbury missing time,

    I’d either drop Zach wheeler, Brandon belt , David wright, Matt kemp or Chris colabelo

    • The Guru

      The Guru says:
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      Might be a smart play, but my confidence level is low. He’s hitting down in the lineup, won’t face lefties, but if you have the room roll the dice. I don’t see Wright or Kemp coming back in time to help in our fantasy world.

  12. matt says:
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    duda or dunn

    • The Guru

      The Guru says:
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      Ouch. I’ll go Duda.

  13. Matt says:
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    Predictions on Rutledge’s 2014 batting line?

Comments are closed.