Heading into the stretch run you are either on the playoff bus or it turned you into roadkill three weeks ago. Somebody get a shovel, please. Imagine the playoff bus looking like the Partridge Family multi-colored ride, fantasy baseball is our family band and I’m your David Cassidy. I think I love you and we’re about to win you your fantasy league. If you lost Carlos Gonzalez or own a hurtin’ Miggy, let your humble Guru find you some late season power. Need some steals, some saves? Let the man in the shiny turban lead you to cheap SAGNOF. Still searching for solid starting pitching? Follow your Goo as we consult the oracle known as the SON. Just don’t interrupt his “private time” with my Roomba. The playoffs are coming, bragging rights are on the line and there’s room on the bus. Just don’t sit next to Danny Bonaduce and keep your filthy paws off Susan Dey. She’s mine! It’s time to jam it or cram it.
Availability: 94% Yahoo, 84% ESPN
Stats Last Week: 2 R, 0 HR, 1 RBI, 2 SB, .179 AV
The Gist: When the South Main Baptist Church in Houston heard that the Astros had traded Bud Norris for a bunch of Hoes, they immediately set upon Minute Maid Park with bibles and snakes in hand. How disappointed they must have been to discover that the Hoes in question was just a skinny outfielder hitting .283.
Key Stat: The Hoes be stealin’. He’s nabbed seven bags in 27 games.
X-File: Over the last three weeks, Hoes ranks 13th among outfielders in Fantasy points.
Jam it or Cram it: Hoes has no power, not a lot of RBI potential, but could give you a SAGNOF boost during the playoff push. Pool any waiver cash you have left and stuff it into Hoes rainbow-colored thong. JAM
Availability: 95% Yahoo, 97% ESPN
Stats Last Week: 4 R, 2 HR, 5 RBI, .476 AV
The Gist: Dubbed “Little Miggy” by Baseball America, Garcia has hit .360 with a couple of homers, 10 RBI, and 11 runs scored since landing on Chicago’s South Side in the Jake Peavy trade. Did they dub anyone “Little Iggy” in that trade? Probably not.
Key Stat: Garcia was tearing it up at Triple-A before the trade with a .376 average, six homers, 27 RBI, 32 runs, six steals, a .419 on-base percentage and .555 slugging percentage in 47 games.
X-File: Garcia has hit safely in 15 of his last 16 games. His BABIP is at .377.
Jam it or Cram it: Garcia is just the kind of hot bat that will help down the stretch and keeper league owners should stash him away for 2014. Grab some Avisail and apply liberally to your irritated fantasy rosters. It’ll relieve any stat itch that’s ailing you. JAM
Availability: 73% Yahoo, 55% ESPN
Stats Last Week: 4 R, 3 HR, 6 RBI, .273 AV
The Gist: CC has popped up in our jammer crammer a few times this season. Usually, I talk about his power potential then make an X-Files joke about the truth being out there. Today I will just ask why you don’t own a player with 27 homers and 77 RBI?
Key Stat: Oh, it’s because Carter is hitting .217.
X-File: The truth is Carter’s average will be a non-factor on your team the rest of the way.
Jam it or Cram it: If you’re hurting for power after losing Jose Bautista or Carlos Gonzalez, head down to your local waiver wire office and pick up some CC. He could go all Brandon Moss and hit 5 homers in a week. JAM
Availability: 87% Yahoo, 95% ESPN
Stats Last Week: B-Ham has been marinating in the minors all season.
The Gist: Prospect and SAGNOF lovers rejoice, Hamilton will be called up to the Reds on Monday. This is great news if you’re a steals seeker. Hamilton truly has off-the-charts speed with 75 stolen bases in 90 attempts. The problem is whether or not he’ll get regular playing time or will just shine Dusty’s shoes.
Key Stat: Since July, Hamilton is hitting .283 with 17 stolen bases at Triple-A Louisville.
X-File: B-Ham will probably just be a pinch running option over the next week or so.
Jam it or Cram it: Hamilton will be the latest prospect to get a call up, be among the most added, then sit on the bench. I’m having a Xander Bogaerts flashback. But B-Ham is so tempting. He’s hit .256/.308/.344 with 18 doubles, four triples, six homers, 41 RBI, 74 runs and 75 steals this season. I just can’t resist. JAM
Availability: 81% Yahoo, 96% ESPN
Stats Last Week: 6.2 IP, 0 ER, 5 K, 0.00 ERA, 0.75 WHIP
The Gist: If your fake baseball team has resorted to daily streaming, Duffy’s matchup against the Mariners on Monday is a must add. In his first 16 1/3 innings, Duffy has two wins, allowed just two runs while posting a 17/5 K/BB ratio.
Key Stat: Like strikeouts? Duffy’s K/BB in 69 innings in the minors was 87/30.
X-File: Duffy is just a year removed from Tommy John surgery.
Jam it or Cram it: Duffy is worth a stream for those fighting for wins and K’s. His WHIP won’t help you much and SON is lukewarm on him for Monday, but I need strikeouts. SON get off my X-Box! JAM
Availability: 75% Yahoo, 48% ESPN
Stats Last Week: 1 Save, 2.1 IP, 5 ER, 2 K, 19.24 ERA, 2.14 WHIP
Key Stat: Hawkins owns a 3.53 ERA, 1.26 WHIP and 44/10 K/BB ratio in 58 2/3 innings with six saves this year.
X-File: While Hawkins is 5 of 6 in save chances, the Mets may elect to try some young blood in the closers role.
Jam it or Cram it: Hawkins is available to the truly desperate SAGNOF’ers, but his finest attribute is his willingness to use his nether regions for a 60 win team. CRAM
That, my friends, is an athletic supporter.
While you’re getting your rosters set for the playoff push, set your sights also on the fine folks over at DraftKings. Next weeks Razzball/DraftKings contest will be the last one of the year. Get in on the action. 50 spots, $10-per entry, six tasty payouts with first place pulling in a cool $300.
Thanks for riding the Razzball bus. The Goo is available for all your jammer crammer questions. Follow The Guru on Twitter @TheGuruGS for the daily jam or cram, fantasy roster 411’s and other gooey shenanigans