Happy Mother’s Day to all the folks out there today with mothers. No, not you pod people! And stop doing that Invasion of the Body Snatchers screech, I haven’t slept in days. Every Mother’s Day, I like to turn my bloodshot eyes toward the mother of all Razzballin’ terms – SAGNOF! Is there a question we scribes get asked more about than where to find the steals and the saves? Maybe, but I ignore all backup catcher queries. Sorry, it’s something they teach up at the fantasy baseball college. When it comes to finding the elusive SAGNOF!, we’re going to have to wade into the deep end of the waiver waters. “Son, you just had a Hot Pocket, you gotta wait 30 minutes!” Thanks, Mom, but I’m a big boy now, and my fake baseball life is infinitely more important than my real life, since I basically punted saves on all my RCL teams and I’ve been drowning ever since. Let’s fire up the Jammer Crammer© machine and see if there’s anything left for us SAGNOF! starved Razzaholics to salvage. Since it is Mother’s Day, I’ll let my mom give her opinion on each player. What greater gift can a son give his mother than an opportunity to say something on Razzball? Damn, I’m cheap. Keep in mind your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru’s mother calls fantasy baseball “Stratty-Matics.” Hey, she’s close, give her credit. It’s time for the SAGNOF! edition of Jam it or Cram it.
If you’re looking for some bonus jams and crams, check out Razzball Radio where Nick and your well turbaned Guru talk jams of the week, Manchurian Candidate, and we’re all left wondering why it’s so hard for the Guru to sit still. Out of Ritalin, thanks Obamacare!
2014 Stats: 17 R, 1 HR, 10 RBI, 11 SB, .273 AV.
Availability: 65% Yahoo, 55% ESPN.
FAAB $$$ Value: $1. A dollar well spent.
The Gist: Alcides was a disappointment last year hitting just .234 with an OBP of .259. That would explain why he went undrafted this year. Now he’s just sitting there waiting for the SAGNOF! lovers to scoop him up. He currently has more steals than Mike Trout, Yasiel Puig and Andrew McCutchen combined.
Key Stats: Alcides hit .295 with 35 steals just two seasons ago.
Guru’s Mom says: “Is he Cuban? You can’t trust those Cubans.” Mom, he’s from Venezuela. “Oh, that’s even worse! Your second cousin Johnny was kidnapped there. We said ‘keep him’.”
Jam it or Cram it: Escobar is hitting .273, the OBP is at .333 and he’s tied for third in the league in steals. As long as he keeps getting on base I’m loving the SAGNOF potential. JAM.
2014 Stats: 2 W, 5 S, 10 K, 2.81 ERA, 1.44 WHIP.
Availability: 50% Yahoo, 41% ESPN.
FAAB $$$ Value: $3. It’ll probably take more than this to get saves, but that’s what he’s worth.
The Gist: Surprised that Lindstrom is this under-owned considering everyone goes SAGNOF! cray-cray once the season starts. The closers gig is Lindstrom’s to lose on the South Side.
Key Stats: The 8:7 K:BB rate isn’t really what you’re looking for in a closer, but we can’t be picky at this point.
Guru’s Mom says: “Why don’t you put the Stratty-Matics down. I made you Hot Pockets and chocolate milk.” You’re the best, Mommy.
Jam it or Cram it: It doesn’t look like Lindstrom will be losing the closers role anytime soon as he saved two games last week and didn’t give up a run. He should be owned across all leagues unless you’re playing fantasy cricket – what are you doing reading this!? JAM.
2014 Stats: 14 R, 2 HR, 6 RBI, 2 SB, .301 AV.
Availability: 95% Yahoo, 90% ESPN.
FAAB $$$ Value: $1. Ask your mom for a dollar. Tell her it’s for a Mother’s Day card.
The Gist: Stubbs won me some cash last week on DraftKings and I love me some Rockies – when they play at home. Stubbs is nice power/speed combo and over his last seven games he’s hitting .455 with a homer, three RBI, two steals and eight runs.
Key Stats: Stubbs K rate over his career is 32%. According to my fantasy baseball college textbook, that’s not good.
Guru’s Mom says: “We used to call your Uncle Pete ‘Stubbs.’” Why’s that, Ma? “Ask your Aunt Carole.”
2014 Stats: 1 W, 3 S, 10 K, 1.59 ERA, 0.76 WHIP.
Availability: 40% Yahoo, 34% ESPN.
FAAB $$$ Value: $5. Gotta spend when seeking the SAGNOF!
The Gist: Ok, there’s a good chance Melancon is gone in your league, but if he’s not go grab him now. Melancon may just steal this job while Jason Grilli sits on the DL. He’s blown just one save since taking over and Clint Hurdle will have some decisions to make come the end of the month.
Key Stats: Through 17 innings the K/BB ratio sits at 10/1.
Guru’s Mom says: “My favorite Pirate is Johnny Depps. If I was 20 years younger…” His name is Johnny Depp, Ma. “I don’t care, I’d just be screaming Captain Jack all night!” MOTHER!!!
Jam it or Cram it: With Grilli out until mid-May at the earliest Melancon is doing his best Kent Tekulve impersonation in Pittsburgh. Melancon’s ERA and WHIP are showing dominance and I predict he keeps the job all season. SAGNOF! starved? Trade a bench bat for him. JAM.
2014 Stats: 21 R, 0 HR, 4 RBI, 12 SB, .220 AV.
Availability: 71% Yahoo, 71% ESPN.
FAAB $$$ Value: $0. Don’t get spend happy when searching for the SAGNOF!
The Gist: We had some jam love for Junior earlier this season when he was racking up six steals a week. Now he’s racking up splinters in his ass, chewing sunflower seeds on the bench. Mr. Met has the same amount of steals as EYJ this month.
Key Stats: Young led the NL with 44 stolen bases last season.
Jam it or Cram it: Since Juan Lagaresreturned to the Mets outfield EYJ has been the odd man out with only seven ABs in the last 10 days. Hard to get us the precious SAGNOF! if you’re not on base. CRAM.
Daisuke Matsuzaka, RP, New York Mets: Really? Has it come to this? Someone tweeted at me last week wondering if Daisuke was worth adding. That’ll get you thrown in Twitter jail real quick, my friend. CRAM.
Thanks for Razzballin’, now go take your mom to lunch. After all, you are the reason she pees a little everytime she sneezes. Follow The Guru and his dirty turban on Twitter @TheGuruGS for fantasy roster 411’s, brushes with fame and his signature move – the scotch-fueled selfie.