Our fearless leader has been crippled by some Kryptonic supermarket macaroni salad so I will be your tour guide through the daily baseball comings and goings.
So J.P. Ricciardi waved goodbye to Alex Rios and freed up some money so he can buy some tickets to Moneyball The Movie and to get one of them new-fangled Adam Dunn verification machines for his phone. Rios hasn’t been great outside of Toronto this year, but The Cell isn’t exactly Petco Central. He actually has picked it up a bit going 6-14 with 2 home runs in his last 4 games. As long as Rios gets playing time he should continue his 20/20 pace. But knowing Ozzie he could bat Rios behind Wise and Getz in the 12th hole or Kenny Williams could pick Ryan Braun off waivers and Rios will go to the bench.
Chris Coghlan — As soon as I drop this guy he goes all mini-mini-dwarf donkey on me. He just set a record for most multi hit games in a row by a Marlin with eight. He’s not going to win you a championship, but he’ll replace some schmohawk who hasn’t had a multi hit game in about two months.
Leo Nunez — Matt Lindstrom should eventually take over Nunez’s SAGNOF slot, but yesterday he got into trouble and had to be saved by Nunez and his SAGNOF slot.
Jordan Zimmermann — After my heart stopped when I read the headline “Zimmerman To Get Tommy John Surgery” I realized that it wasn’t Ryan and if you have JZ on your DL it’s time to replace him with a Hudson/Peavy type.
Mark Ellis — 5-5 with 4 RBI’s and is 21-50 in his last 14 games. If you are hurting for some MI help take a look because there are some real schmohawks playing 2b and you probably have one on your team and you might as well switch him out for another.
Travis Snider — With Rios moving to the south side it seems like Snider should get called up. That of course is yet to be seen, but he hit a homer yesterday and is hitting well with a .320 AVG, 12 hr, 36 RBIs, 150 ab, .653 slg. Grab him if he is available and then drop him when he isn’t called up.
Johnny Cueto — Left the game after 2 innings with a hip flexor. This gives anyone still holding onto him an easy out. Drop him like a hot Cueto.
Chris B. Young — Demoted to the three A’s. Krispie just never could show us his warm chewy goodness this year. It’s hard to believe he won’t get his swing back in the minors and then be a sleeper once again.
Dexter Fowler — While writing this Fowler just made a tremendous over the shoulder catch in the ninth while slamming into the wall with the Rockies up by eight. Watching him this series I can see what Grey sees in him. He’s more than just another SAGNOF slot for all you Razzballers to abuse!
Trent Oeltjen — Well, he’s been getting plenty of notice here on the daily round up, but anybody who has a magical “M” floating around their last name needs a little press, plus with The Krispie One demoted he should get some more playing time, that, and he out-homered Mark Reynolds last night during the “Summer of Mini-Donkey.”
Russell Branyan — He hit a solo home run. That is all.
Kendry Morales — The dude, (he is a dude right? I mean I never see this person play because I’m usually on my 4th appletini and it’s about 2 am), this dude just keeps hitting. Two home runs last night (or this morning) which moves him up to 25 donks and 75 RDI’s (runs donked in) and it’s only in the 6th and I am going to bed!