Dexter Fowler has been hotter than a junebug on the back of a furnace’s ass, or some other yokelism. Dexter? I hardly Fowler! Huh? In his last seven games, a .423 average and 2 homers. He’s not good for anything more than the occasional dinger, which only sounds talk between a wife and her friends. He is hitting on top of a lineup that puts up runs and he has speed. While he’s hot, I’d grab him everywhere. Don’t get left out in the cold. Remember you can’t spell Denver without Dexter envy. Or you can’t spell Dexter Fowler without DTF. That’s Doubles Triples Forget about homers. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
David Murphy – He was nearly the lead for today’s Buy post. That’s how much I like him. You have to really strike a nerve about needing to be owned in every league to get the lead, but you have to come close to striking said nerve to almost be the lead. Talk about the pinnacle of one’s career. Put it on the back of your ball card, kid! You almost made a Razzball lead!
Alex Presley – And he almost-almost made the lead! Wow! It’s raining praise like a church that mysteriously appears in the Bermuda Triangle! (<–Confusing comparison of the day!)
Alex Rios – He didn’t almost make any lead. I kinda don’t even want Rios to do anything because I absolutely know it’s just going to cause people to come out of the woodwork next March asking about him. “Buh-buh-buh-but, Grey, sir, your almighty ‘stacheiness, Rios was good last September. Big things in 2012, right?!”
Alejandro De Aza – Alejandro is hot like Mexico! And just think, when he’s no longer worth owning, you can tell your friends you just did the Alejandrop. Don’t get sad! Imaginary friends work too!
Kosuke Fukudome – It’s the week of the hot outfielders, huh? It reminds me of that week in 1993 when Jim Eisenreich was in the middle of a 7-for-12 stretch but Philly fans still wanted to throw batteries at him because he kept cursing at them.
Jon Jay – He has 2 homers and hitting .522 in the last week. I got Federalisztomania! What, no Phoenix fans? You, “I thought French rock was a stale baguette.” You’re such a snob!
Jason Kipnis – Nothing goes better with a bagel and cream cheese like Eli Whiteside. But Kipnis is good for a nosh if you need a middle infielder.
Scott Sizemore – ESPN wrote something recently saying Sizemore could be a sleeper in 2012. Way to take a stand! Of course he’s going to be a sleeper. The problem is the A’s need to move their fences in about 1.2 miles. In all directions. You could have a front row seat by 1st base and need binoculars.
Trevor Plouffe – His last name sounds like the sound a turd makes when it hits the toilet water. Hehe. Sorry, that’s juvenile. But, seriously, he-effin’-he. Um, so he’s been hot– Sorry, I have to move on. His name’s just too ridiculous.
Juan Francisco – I spy with my little right eye a worthwhile add for right now in NL-Only leagues. Since Rolen is following in Glass Chipper’s footsteps, I imagine Francisco will see the majority of the at-bats for the remainder of the season, which means he could become mixed league sexy. Otherwise known as a swinger.
Dayan Viciedo – He’s done nothing but swing a hot bat since his call-up, so of course Ozzie benched him the other day. Oh, Ozzie, you make me a little crazy. *shaking fist at the sky* A little crazy!
Cliff Pennington – Has good speed and can teach you how to golf.
Dee Gordon – He’s good for steals. Yadda3. On a side note, I was thinking about how I can’t imagine Don Mattingly ever getting fired. Maybe because I grew up in the tri-state area when he was a God, but I can’t picture any scenario where Mattingly is blamed for anything. “Ooh, it’s Donnie Baseball, it’s his back’s fault the Yankees aren’t winning.” The Dodgers will have to be folded into the Padres (and the Dodres still wouldn’t have a good offense) to get Mattingly out of his job.
Marco Scutaro – Hitting .476 in September and…Ugh, don’t make me say anything else nice about Scutaro. He’s hot as of right now, that’s all I got.
Edwin Jackson – Hasn’t had a bad start in over a month…Which makes me think he’s gonna have one tonight because I just jinxed him. Stupid superstitions. Anyone see where I put my rabbit’s foot?
Bud Norris – BTW, I just went over borderline fantasy starters for the next week, and, really, this late in the season there’s no reason to look more than one week in advance in most leagues.
Bobby Parnell – Own unless you’re in a British ex-con league with a No-Bobby rule.
Kenley Jansen – Word out of the mean streets of sunny LA is Jansen or Guerra could be the closer next year. So those in deep keeper leagues who are looking to stick someone on their team for cheap this year that could have huge value next year, grab Jansen.
Jason Motte – Member during the 2010 preseason when I said Motte should be the closer? So I was a year and a half early. Well, here’s the thing, I time travel so much I sometimes forget what year I’m in. BTW, invest in AOL, they’re about to merge with Time-Warner.
Fernando Salas – I could see holding him in some leagues where you’re very desperate, but in most leagues you’re looking at a guy that might get a save or two or might be closing out the seventh inning. I.e., I’d prefer the apple sauce instead of the misspelled Mexican sauce.
Brandon Morrow – His next start is against the Sawx, who just mollywhopped him for 8 earned, and the Jays might limit him since he’s above his career high in innings. You guys had a good run. Get his address and go hide in his garbage can with a Jiffy Pop container over your head so you can see anytime you want.
John Danks – Who’s more infuriating than this schmohawk? A three hitter followed by an 8 earned run game. There’s gotta be better matchup guys on waivers. Move on, there’s nothing to see here.
Jair Jurrjens – He’s out until the playoffs. That’s nice. Later!
Grady Sizemore – I guarantee you, with his stats, if his name was Crappy McCrapstein, you wouldn’t own him.
Adam Lind – I hate to outright drop a guy capable of a four homer week, but it seems like his wrist is sore and his power looks zapped, and not zapped like that awesome early 80′s movie with Scott Baio. I wonder if him and Willie Ames are still friends. They were like peas and carrots. I bet David Aardsma is glad that Willie Aames devoted his prodigious talent to acting instead of baseball so he can stay first in the baseball dictionary.