Just to clear my head the other day, I threw on some bicycle shorts, jumped in my El Dorado and went for a spin. Cause that’s how guys with a ‘stache roll. If you didn’t know, now you do. Consider yourself informed. As I was rocking out to some Don Henley, I was thinking back on some guys that helped me win leagues last year. Ryan Madson — Thanks, Mad-Man! Morse, you dot-dot-dashing hunk! All She Wants To Do Is Dance DANCE! Thanks, Hardy, we had some good times solving the mysteries of fantasy baseball! Hey, Motte, how’s dem apples?! Can’t feel the HEAT… Coming off the STREET… Hey, Brandon Allen– Actually, you weren’t much of a help. Having worked up a bit of an appetite for some roast beef, I pulled off the freeway in search of an Arby’s. As I hit the side streets, I thought two things: number one, I had no idea what waiver position I was in when I used it for any of those schmohawks. Number two, why was I in Anaheim?
The preceding was a fancy way of saying, “USE YOUR WAIVER CLAIM!” (Caps for emphasis and the people reading over your shoulder.) Who gives an effin’ eff in the eff hole what waiver claim position you’re in? While you’re holding onto your waiver claim like Cowboy Jon from The Real World: Los Angeles holds onto his virginity, your leaguemates are going to be winning your league. Because, guess what, Maverick? Cowboy Jon is still a virgin and he’s like 58 years old!
Hey, someone dropped Henry Rodriguez, don’t mind if I do! Why such a long face, Chris Perez? I’ll own you… In the non-biblical way! She wants to party, she wants to GET DOWN!
You don’t want to be Cowboy Jon praying Mike Trout comes up in June while you sit in 8th place not even needing an outfielder. Or are you holding your waiver claim because you’re afraid someone is going to drop Prince Fielder? Who are you, John Q. Law? This is your job why? Wait, even better. If you’re in a league with a guy who wears fancy dungarees and who would drop Prince Fielder, you shouldn’t be in that league. If you need a guy for your roster, then claim him. While your leaguemates are waiting for someone they deem worthy of a pickup, you’ll be grabbing all kinds of other players that are immediately useful. Remember…. Rebels been rebels since I don’t know WHEN… And all she wants to do is dance!