Danny Duffy is much better than Stan Stuffy. Or Brian Bruffy. Now Gerry Guffy, well, he’s another story. Stephen literally just went over his Danny Duffy fantasy. He wrote it in pink highlighter while having cornrows put in his hair. Oh, Stephen. So what can we expect of The Duffman? Maybe just a spot start. Though when the Royals announced it was only a spot start they did wink, wink, nudge, nudge the Royals beat reporter. His stuff/numbers have been dynamite this year. The Royals should just keep him in the rotation. I mean, who are they rushing to get back to in this rotation? Jeff Francis? Vin Mazzaro? Nadir Bupkis? No, blech and belch. I’d grab Duffy in AL-Only and very deep mixed leagues then wait to see if he stays in the rotation. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Matt Guerrier – Just when you thought you had the Dodgers bullpen figured out, Don Mattingly bats his long, beautiful eyelashes and brings Guerrier on for the save. How many closers do the Dodgers have now? I don’t know, but more the Guerrier! What’s that circling above Dodgers Stadium? Oh my God, it’s save vultures! Don’t you dare peck at Vin Scully! He’s a national treasure! I think everyone knows how I feel about Padilla. I think he’s crizz to the ap. He’s not an effective closer. Guerrier, actually, can be. That still means to get Guerrier to five saves on the year in the City of Angels he needs a wing and a prayer. (Pun point!) But I would grab Guerrier if I had room and really needed saves.
David Wright – The Mets made a shocking move yesterday putting Wright on the DL a day after saying he wouldn’t need the DL. The Mets lie, when they cry…
Ubaldo Jimenez – 7 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks. After having a 16:15 K:BB ratio in his previous three starts, it’s good to see him have 7 Ks and only one walk in this game. Well, I mean, it’s good for his owners to see, I don’t own him. Natch! (Though I do own Pedro Alvarez… Biatch!)
Troy Tulowitzki – 1-for-3 with his 11th home run. Guess this means he’s going to now hit 10 homers in the next two games. Well, ain’t you Prince Charles? (Not sure what that means, but some old lady said it to me at the post office when she thought I was cutting. Actually, it was more like, “Back of the line, Prince Charles!”)
Josh Johnson – His arm MRI came back negative, which is positive, not just in opposite world.
Rafael Soriano – To the 15-day DL with an elbow injury. Or maybe he just didn’t like where they were planning on batting him during interleague.
Alex Rodriguez – 2-for-4 with 2 homers. Or one homer for each time Cameron Diaz calls Jeter’s name out during sex.
Daisuke Matsuzaka – To the DL. Alfredo Aceves will take Dice-BB’s spot in the rotation. I look forward to Alfredo throwing meatballs to Saltimbocca.
Gio Gonzalez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 7 Ks. Here’s what I said in the preseason about Gio, “He went 13 innings over the 30 inning Verducci threshold last year, but Verducci’s a crackpot who told you to avoid F-Her, Latos and Josh Johnson (in 2010). I’m sorry, but he’s throwing darts at a board. Can we all agree to never listen to him again? This year I expect Gio to up his K-rate from 7.67 to a mid-8 and to keep his walk rate (which isn’t great) around where it is or lower it slightly.” And that’s me quoting me! So far his K-rate is in the mid-8′s and his walk rate is slightly lower than where it was. Gio is real and he’s beautiful.
John Danks – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks as his team won but he stayed at 0-6. My Win Karma is so terrible –> Match Game refrain, “How terrible is it?” It’s so terrible that we’re in 2nd in one league, 5 points out of first and we have a one in wins. Not only is it a one, but we have only 12 Wins, making us 5 wins away from getting 2 points. We have 12 wins after a month and a half! That’s two wins a week even though our ERA is 3.49! And one day in April we got 4 wins in that league. We have 8 wins in 41 other days of the season. Or less than a win every five days. In one of our NL-Only leagues, we have 22 Wins. Sorry, that was probably only interesting to Rudy and me.
Elliott Johnson – Now has 2 homers in his last two games and three steals. For a middle infielder, I say the same thing as Fonzie’s horse, “What the hey!” I’d grab him just to see if this hot schmotato can keep hitting. Keep in mind, his minor league numbers say he has very little power, but he could steal 20 bases.
Wandy Rodriguez – 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, but no win because Mark Melancon blew the save. Second time in 4 games Wandy’s gone this deep into the game and lost the win. This Wandy no decision has me feeling Melancholy. I would’ve been Lyon about it two weeks ago. Maybe Wandy could help ingratiate himself to the bullpen by taking them to Six Flags and buying them spray-painted t-shirts.
Mark Melancon – First, the Astros refused to name Melancon the closer, now he blows the game. In one of my leagues, I went to the Wilton Lopez dispenser and grabbed one.
Brett Wallace – 1-for-4, batting .321 and hit his 3rd homer yesterday. Not terrible numbers, but, wow, this guy is yawnstipating.
Hiroki Kuroda – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks and his ERA is down to 2.80. And, for whatever reason, I will still get questions on whether or not Kuroda’s worth owning.
Francisco Liriano – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks. Honestly, if he didn’t do this vs. the Mariners I was going to tell everyone to drop him. So, now you have the good fortune of holding onto him. Yay, you.
Jaime Garcia – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks. Now has a 1.64 ERA. I could totally be remembering this wrong but I think Jaime Garcia has had a 1-something ERA two years in a row now. Who died and made him Prince Charles?!
Roy Oswalt – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks in his return from the DL. After the game, he said, “I felt good out there. I was mumbo-jumboing around like a lily pad on the back of hornet’s nest. Now where’s my tractor?!”
Asdrubal Cabrera – Hit his 7th homer yesterday. In a race that has captivated Razzball nation and made me want to cry, Asdrubal now leads Morneau by 6 homers. You don’t even want to know how many RBIs Asdrubal has compared to Morneau. Let’s just say it’s more than double.
Brian McCann – 2-for-2 with 2 homers as he hit a pinch hit homer to tie the game, then in his next at-bat he won it. Pretty heroic stuff. Could be McCann hinting at another presidential run.
Julio Teheran – For what it’s worth — or wurst if you’re German — after his start on Wednesday, Teheran is being sent right back down due to the Braves schedule not needing a fifth starter for two weeks.
Daniel Hudson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks. Brought his ERA down to 4.03, next stop 3.50. Woot, woot.
Matt Garza – 6 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks. Hope everyone took my advice to grab him.
Carlos Pena – 2nd day in a row with a home run. He could hit 15 homers this month and it wouldn’t surprise me.
Tyler Colvin – Singer/songwriter, Tyler Colvin, was demoted to the minors. As recently as last week, Matthew Berry said Colvin would hit 40 homers this year. I kid you not. Berry, “My motto’s go big or go home! Maicer Izturis will be the MVP! I go big or I go home! Miguel Olivo will hit more homers than Miguel Cabrera! I said it! I go big or I go home! I’m not saying all of these things will be true! Or that some of them will! Or any of them! I go big or I go home!”