The Big Donkey, Adam Dunn, was a big ass. Carlos Quentin’s status is TBD even when we know the ETA which we don’t right now. This leaves Dayan Viciedo playing. It’s addition by the subtraction of Ozzie’s choices. “Can Brent Lillibridge play first and third at the same time?” Things Ozzie has recently asked his bench coach. Viciedo was always a top Cuban raftee and, through his first four games, he has a homer, steal and is batting .538. Maybe we shouldn’t defrost Ted Williams’ head just yet, but you don’t need Mapquest to know he’s going in the right direction. Not to mention, I’m not even sure Mapquest still exists. Start a viable service and Google will take you over. I like your concept, Groupon, I will now do the exact same thing. With Viciedo’s 3rd base eligibility, he’s worth a flyer anywhere you need a corner infidel. That’s right, patch Dayan into your team for Golda Meir. (If you didn’t need to Google that last line, props to you.) Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Jack Hannahan – Perennial Carson favorite hit three homers in two days this week and .420 (stoner!) in August. Didn’t hurt that he brought his liger to the clubhouse to scare Lonnie Chisenhall.
Omar Infante – Speaking of the devil. He’s been relatively hot recently. If your relative is hitting near .300 over the last week.
Luke Hughes – Has four homers in the last week. Maybe you should pick him up. That’s my Hughes clues.
Dee Gordon – Guess who’s back?! Dee Gordon, man (and three girl readers). C’mon, that was easy. His name is in front of this blurb. If you need speed, Dee Gordon’s like Jeff Gordon without the car. I have no idea if that makes sense. I don’t know Nascar. I’m guessing there are cars though since it’s in the name. It’s not Nasbicycle.
Cliff Pennington – Hitting near .400 over the last week and has three steals in the last five games. Plus, if you have a category in your league for Players That Sound Like They Should Be Wearing Plaid Pants, Cliff Pennington wins you that category.
Jose Altuve – Through 154 ABs, he has 2 homers, 4 steals and he’s hitting .305. So, of course, his ESPN ownership went down from 9% to 7.4% this week. I’m guessing Craig Biggio owns 20,000 fantasy teams and is bitter.
Mike Trout – 4 homers and batting .400 since his recall. He’s a bit green, Scioscia may not play him, which has me blue, but if you don’t add him, you’re yellow. And that’s my rainbow Trout.
Brandon Allen – I was thinking to myself, “Grey, there’s no reason to mention Allen this week. He must already be over 50% owned in ESPN. Also, could you scratch your back? I’m itchy. Thanks!” Turns out Allen is nowhere near 50% owned.
Austin Jackson – I’m not a fan of a leadoff hitter with a sub-.320 OBP. Rickey Henderson says, “Rickey Henderson says amen!” But Jackson is currently hot, hitting near .400 over the last week.
Alejandro De Aza – This is a pretty tentative buy. He has been hot, but I think that could end by the time I finish this sent–
David Murphy – He’s the type that is unownable for the better part of a season then becomes relevant. I wouldn’t put Baby Boo-Boo’s college fund on it, but I think he’s about to go through one of those relevant stretches.
Brandon McCarthy – Last game, he K’d 10. He hasn’t had one month over a 4.00 ERA all year. As for his lousy record… Too many Urkels on his team, that’s why his wins low.
Javier Vazquez – Hey, I was burned by him too. I get it. But he’s been good for two months now. Stop being a pill and pick him up.
Doug Fister – Usually the lack of Ks is a problem — a than but no thans, but over his last 21 2/3 IP he has 18 Ks. So that’s an old issue of Fister’s Journal, which I do not subscribe to and would not Google.
Bobby Parnell – You know what the kids in Washington Park say about this part of the Buy section? Coca, puff-puff, SAGNOF!
Sergio Romo – You can’t tell me the whole time he was growing out his beard it wasn’t some kind of All About Eve plot brewing behind the scenes. Just happens that Wilson gets hurt and Romo jumps in to replace him and all the windyweather fans in San Fran are like, “Hey, our touristy beards we bought at the souvenir stand still work!” Then again, Santiago Casilla, Jeremy Affeldt or Ramon Ramirez might get saves too.
Steve Cishek – I think he gets the most saves in Florida in September and Nunez has multiple meltdowns. It’s called a hunch, like how Guy Fieri eats a sandwich.
Freddie Freeman – Had a heck of a season, if you’re the type to use a word like heck. Almost sorta blasphemy! Freeman has 18 homers through 5 months. What’s that? 3.6 homers per month? It’s worth taking a chance on a hot hitter; you’re not gonna miss out on much with Freeman. And what on earth does sixth-tenths of a homer look like anyway?
Michael Cuddyer – Another guy who has 18 homers on the year, but this schmohawk is also dealing with a hurt wrist. Ride or Cuddyer? I’d ride.
David Freese – He has 8 homers in 266 ABs this year. So, unless he gets 400 ABs in September, I’m thinking you can move on to a hot schmotato.
Nelson Cruz – This kinda goes for any player that is on the DL. If you don’t have DL room, lose him and move on.
Alexi Ogando – You guys had a good run. Get his address and you can send him a postcard. But get him off your team.
Tommy Hanson – Mmmdrop.
Mitch Moreland – Oh, mamma mia, mamma mia! Mamma mia, let him go!